Every Little Thing He Does ISN’T Magic

Well, after tonight’s result show, I have decided that I want Gwen Stefani voted off of American Idol.  Because she REALLY can’t sing…that girl is completely produced in the studio.  (And this is coming from someone who, for the record, likes Gwen Stefani.)  Which really makes her the perfect big name to be on Idol this season…because I have no doubt that…well, nearly all of the contestants from this season would sound great in the studio.  Even Sanjaya.

Anyway, on to the results. So, we have Phil, Haley and Chris.  Of those three, I thought that Phil really didn’t belong there.  But then, I really have the feeling that he doesn’t have a dedicated fan base.  Unfortunately, we lost Chris tonight.  I mean, he really did stink the stage up last night (there, I said it) but, overall, he has been WAY better than Haley.  Clearly, the legs are keeping her in there…but not by much.  So, we’re now down to one really good male singer (Blake) and one mediocre male singer (Phil).  And then there’s Sanjaya…who I really feel is neither male nor female.  Anyway, to associate the word singer with Sanjaya is just blasphemy anyway.

Can we just go ahead and crown Jordin or Melinda the winner and be done with this?

This Shit is Bananas…

So, I had heard rumors that Gwen Stefani was going to be on American Idol this season.  I didn’t really believe it.  But, lo and behold, there she is.  This is proof that American Idol really has hit the big time.  Like her or not, there is no doubt that Gwen Stefani is the biggest guest judge on this show ever.  Personally, I liked Gwen a whole hell of a lot better when she was with No Doubt.  And, thankfully, the Idols are concentrating on No Doubt songs (and people who inspired Gwen) and not Gwen songs.  I mean, can you imagine Sanjaya singing Holla Back Girl?  Actually, come to think of it, that might be highly entertaining.

LaKisha Jones – So, LaKisha picks a Donna Summer song.  Which seems kind of odd to me.  Not the song so much, but the fact that Donna Summer is one of Gwen’s inspirations.  Really?  Anyway, LaKisha sounds great on the song.  Almost as good as Donna Summer.  And I LOVE me some Donna Summer.  Her performance is pretty solid too.  I enjoyed it.

Randy thinks it was hot and calls LaKisha a “true fly diva”, Paula says that LaKisha did Donna Summer proud and Simon proclaims it a great vocal…and is glad to hear LaKisha sounding young again…singing a 30 year old plus song.  Hmmm…interesting observation Simon.

Chris Sligh – I’m glad to see some of the humourous Chris back this week.  I’ve been missing that about him.  So, Chris picks my all-time favorite Police song to sing.  I’m gonna be straight with you on this one, people.  I cannot possibly be fair in evaluating anyone singing this song besides Sting.  So, I will not do it.  I will, however, comment on the weirdness of the echo effect while Chris was singing.  Does he really need that?

Randy thinks it was a good song for Chris and then tells him that he wasn’t singing with the band, Paula tells Chris that he needs to “stay in the pocket”…whatever that means and Simon thought it was a mess.

Gina Glocksen – Is it just me or is Gwen seeming a bit pointless to this whole endeavor?  I mean, Diana Ross, Lulu and Peter Noone all got a LOT more screen time…giving actually singing tips and what not.  Gwen…well, she’s not really saying much…of course, there could be a reason for that.  Now, on to Gina…initially, I was disappointed that Gina had decided to sing a non-No Doubt song.  I thought that No Doubt would have been perfect for her.  And then she started singing.  I think her performance of “I’ll Stand By You” has been her absolute best all season.  I’m with the audience…I loved it.

Randy thought it was one of her best ever, Paula declares that it really was her best performance so far and Simon agrees and even goes so far as to declare it the best so far tonight…which I think I have to actually agree with.

Sanjaya Malakar – Why, oh why, is Sanjaya singing “Bathwater”?  And WHAT THE FUCK is up with that hair???  None of this is working for me….please, please…oh God….oh…it’s so, so, so, so bad!  So bad.  Please, please….oh, I’ll never be able to get any of this out of my mind…it’s permanently etched now….oh, Sweet Buddha…it is SOOO horrendously bad.  I really hope that Sanjaya is trying to get himself kicked off.  Please tell me that’s what he’s doing.

Randy is left speechless by the Sanjaya-Do, Paula seems to think that Sanjaya was faking being bad…or something like that and Simon has decided that it no longer matters what the judges say because he clearly is no longer of this universe.

Haley Scarnato – I really love “True Colors”.  I think it’s a great song…just as long as Cyndi Lauper is singing it (I would love to see her guest judging…or whatever it is that these people are now doing).  I’m not quite sure what Haley was trying to do with this song, but, for me, she did not succeed.  It was just weird…kinda all over the place and very removed from the original.  And not in a good way.  I think that Haley might be in danger this week…but only because the nutjobs who keep on voting for Sanjaya are totally going to LOVE the Sanjaya-Do.

Randy says that Haley didn’t really grab him with it (but it’s clear that he’s being nice….Randy thought it stunk), Paula thinks that Haley’s version was too adult contemporary…and calls her pretty and Simon calls it “sweet but forgettable”.   Haley, sadly, really is quite forgettable.  I actually was surprised to see her this week because I somehow thought she had already been eliminated.

Phil Stacey – In the little question and answer session with Ryan, Phil appears to be under the impression that he’s made some sort of impact on the country.  How he has done this exactly, I’m not sure.  Anyway, even though I really love “Every Breath You Take”, I don’t feel quite the same way about it that I do about “Every Little Thing She Does is Magic”.  So, I can comment about Phil.  First, once again, I don’t understand the voice echo.  Why is this needed on Police songs on American Idol?  It puzzles me.  That being said, I think Phil actually sounded pretty decent.  I mean, it’s a little creepy to me to have Phil singing “I’ll be watching you” with those big, beautiful, slightly crazy eyes of his…but at least it’s not Elliot Yamin singing those words.  (THAT would have been terrifying.)  Phil is no Sting, but he does a fairly decent job anyway.

Randy found it to be a really solid performance, dawg, Paula found it to be a good choice and thought he soared with the chorus and Simon, surprisingly, thought it was very good.

Melinda – At this point in the show, I am convinced that Gwen really is pointless.  Clearly, she is on this show solely to promote herself.  I mean, why else have her hosting the Idols singing a random hodge-podge of songs like this?  Anyway, Melinda also chooses a Donna Summer song…this one I actually have never heard before.  Although I’m not sure that this is the best song for her, she has proven to me that she easily could have been a 70’s disco diva.  She has the voice and the demeanor for it.  I would love to have heard her singing “Got to Be Real” by Cheryl Lynn.  Still, she’s Melinda and she’s good.  The girl is a powerhouse…even when she’s really not wowing me.

Randy lets all kind of words go spewing forth from his mouth…bottom line: Randy loved it, Paula thinks that Melinda tells stories when she sings and that she was fun and Simon thinks that she was vocally outstanding but he hates her outfit.  Actually, I really liked her outfit.  It was very fitting for the song…and it was blue.  I love blue.

Blake Lewis – I think Blake Lewis should be shot.  How’s that for criticism?  If anyone should have chosen a No Doubt song, it was Blake.  Instead, he chooses a Cure song.  I feel the same way about this song that I feel about “Every Little Things She Does is Magic”.  The thing that most annoys me about Blake’s performance (which actually is pretty decent vocally) is the fact that he’s not singing The Cure’s version of this song.  Rather, he’s doing the absolutely crappy 311 remake…which tried to make the song all reggae-like.  Which does NOT work for this song.

Randy apparently liked it, even though he wasn’t jumping up and down, Paula seems to think that Blake came up with the 311 arrangement on his own and thinks he was great and Simon declares him to be the strongest guy in the competition.  Honestly, I do agree with that.  This is just one of those songs for me that I can’t handle other people singing.  But, overall, I like Blake.  I’m just glad that he didn’t beatbox on this one.

Jordin Sparks – So, finally we have a real singer in the competition singing an actual No Doubt song.  But, why, Jordin did you choose “Hey Baby”???  Of all the No Doubt songs that you could choose…why this one?  How about “Don’t Speak”?  You totally could have torn that one up.  This song…it’s just a bunch of yelling.  Granted, you did your best…you did manage to make it a bit more than just yelling.  Still….not anywhere close to my favorite Jordin performance.

Randy thought it was brilliant, Paula thought that she was adorable and hip and Simon declared her to be the most improved.  Personally, I hated it.  But then, I was never crazy about the original.

Chris Richardson – So, Chris is singing “Don’t Speak”.  Hmmm…interesting choice.  I really don’t like his performance at all.  He looks very unsure of himself on stage…a definite deer in the headlights look at the beginning.  And his vocal…not that great either.  Like I said, this song would have worked MUCH better for Jordin.  I actually would have liked to hear him sing a Police song…maybe “King of Pain” or something.

Randy thinks it was good, Paula thinks it was good and Simon wasn’t crazy about the vocal, saying that he struggled in the middle.  Was it just me or did Chris look like he was about to burst into tears at the end there?  I may be seeing things, but, gosh darn it, that’s what I saw.

So, overall, I think that Gina….yes, GINA, was the best tonight….followed closely by Phil…yes, PHIL.  Believe me, I am surprised by me writing that as you.  Sanjaya gave the absolute worst performance of any American Idol anywhere EVER.  I think if you combined every bad Idol performance from around the world, his performance tonight would still be the worst.  But, we all know, that doesn’t really matter.  So, I’ll go with Haley for worst…and most likely going home.

Bye-Bye Stephanie!

Well, not surprisingly, Stephanie went home this week.  Okay, maybe it’s a slight surprise.  But only a very slight one.  Clearly, Sanjaya is the one that deserves to go home…week after week after week.  Any yet, I think he’s going to be in it for quite some time now.  Hell, at this rate, he may even win the damn thing.  Wouldn’t that be a kick in the pants?

Of course, since Fox actually controls the results in the end, we all know that that won’t happen.  Still, it wouldn’t surprise me to see him hang around until the top five at least.  Ughh.

British Invasion

So, the final 11 are going to slaughter…I mean, sing songs from the 60’s British invasion.  This ought to be interesting.

Before I go any further, I must declare my undying love for Lulu.  She’s great.  Ok, moving on….

Haley Scarnato -  Haley seems to be improving every week.  Unfortunately, that’s really not saying much for her.  She’s still boring.  But, she’s clearly trying.  I’m just not sure that that’s enough when she’s up against girls like Melinda and LaKisha.  I will say this though…she has killer legs!

Randy is supremely excited by Haley’s performance, calling it her best and declaring her to be back in the competition (it had the YO! factor all over it), Paula, who was brought to tears, found Haley girlish and adorable and Simon found her fun, young, shrieky and, above all, naughty.  Simon, you dirty old man.

Chris Richardson – Chris is taking it slow and acoustic tonight with “Don’t Let the Sun Catch You Cryin’”.   It seems an odd choice to me…considering all of the many British Invasion songs that one could choose from.  Still, I like it.  A lot.  Nice and mellow…smooth voice.  Killer smile.  Wait…is that drool on the keyboard?  Pardon me while I compose myself.

Randy found Chris’ performance to be beautiful, Paula (who somehow didn’t cry this time) found him sexy and charming and Simon thinks it was Chris’ best performance ever, saying that he made it not sound old-fashioned.

Stephanie Edwards – Stephanie chooses “You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me” by Dusty Springfield.  I think that Stephanie pulls it off as far as vocals go.  As far as performance, well, she was a bit boring.  Right now, I think she’s dangerously close to becoming the black Carrie Underwood with her performances.

Randy found it to be a bit pitchy, Paula throws out the love of the clothes first and then tells Stephanie that she needs to find the fun again and Simon thinks that Stephanie is losing her edge.  I wouldn’t be surprised to see her go home this week (since Sanjaya apparently could slaughter all of the judges AND Ryan while singing poorly and America would still love him.)

Blake Lewis – Dear Blake, you have officially lost me.  Don’t get me wrong.  I think you have a really great voice and all, perhaps the best male vocal on the show this season.  But for the love of all that is holy, PLEASE drop the damn beatbox shit!  You know, Justin Timberlake can do that too.  Yet he manages to not do it in every single one of his songs.  Please take a cue from him.  Let’s focus on the vocal prowess that you actually have and leave the beatboxing for…umm, someone else.

Love ya!

Sincerely,

Master Bloggger

So, Randy threw out all kinds of words all at once….I have no idea what he said, but it was positive, Paula thinks that Blake has raised the bar and that he coud release his version of “Time of the Season” as a single and Simon thinks that he was a million times better than last week.

LaKisha Jones – LaKisha had a choice between two songs tonight – “You’re My World” and “Diamonds are Forever”.  Guest star Lulu tried really hard to convince her to sing “You’re My World”.  Unfortunately for LaKisha, she chose to ignore Lulu.  “Diamonds are Forever” does not work for LaKisha.  Not in any way, shape, or form.  She seemed completely uncomfortable the entire time and, quite frankly, the words seemed so horribly unconvincing coming out of her mouth.  Plus, even though she can sing, she is no Shirley Bassey.  (And, full disclosure, I LOVE this song…)  Tonight, she came quite close to stinking up the stage.  Well, as close as someone with her powerhouse voice can.

Randy didn’t feel enough LaKisha in it, Paula thinks she picked the right song and then blabbed on about diamonds and Simon babbled on about LaKisha in 50 years.

Phil Stacey – I really can’t get over Phil’s look.  Looking at him…creeps me out.  I think he’d make a great radio star.  I thought that his vocal was pretty gosh darn good tonight…even though I wasn’t really all that crazy about “Tobacco Road”.  Everything else about him was kinda messy.  He seems very awkward on the stage….just kinda flails about.  And then, we have the whole Romulan thing.

Randy talks about letting it hang out and then proclaims Phil’s performance to be pretty good, Paula throws out the pitchy word, but thought the performance was good and Simon wasn’t crazy about it, saying that Phil needs grit to pull “Tobacco Road” off.  Maybe Phil should try smoking a few packs of cigarettes first.  Stephanie might be safe this week.  Even though I thought Phil’s performance was okay, I could still see him going.

Jordin Sparks – With each passing week, I like Jordin better.  I think that her vocals are improving every week.  Her performance tonight blew me away.  Even though Jordin is sans boyfriend right now, I totally believed her when she was singing this.  I would buy this single.  In fact, I hope that it ends up on those American Idol CD’s that they make before the tours.  Very soulful, very….oh, hell.  I loved her.

Randy proclaims it to perhaps be the best performance of the night, Paula tells her she’s a good singer AND a wonderful performer and Simon gives her a back handed compliment by telling her that she sounded great, but her song choice made him want to kill himself.

Sanjaya Malakar – Do I even have to?  Really?  Are you sure?  Well, okay then.  Sanjaya…blech.  Well, at least Sanjaya all but admits that he really shouldn’t be here.  The Kinks should consider suing him for shrieking “You Really Got Me”.  So, so horrible.  There really aren’t enough words in the English language to describe the awfulness of this performance.  So, how about this:

Era realmente malo. Spanish

C’était vraiment mauvais. French

Es war wirklich schlecht. German

Era realmente difettoso. Italian

Randy thinks that it was Sanjaya’s best performance to date (is that really a compliment?) Paula hopes that he had fun and Simon references us to Crying Girl.  Who was actually crying because she LIKED Sanjaya.  But, she’s like 10.  She doesn’t know any better.

Gina Glocksen – Gina, Gina, Gina.  I have no idea what to think about you.  Sometimes you seem really great.  Sometimes you seem like a giant mess.  And, often, these times are all at once.  You do have a really great personality and I think that you could, much like Pink, be a great studio performer.  However, I just don’t think that live performances are where it’s at for you.  You started off sounding pretty good tonight, but derailed fairly quickly.  I don’t know.  Maybe Lulu is responsible for that.  I think that messing with the song wasn’t a good idea.  I’m not sure how much longer we’ll be seeing you around the AI stage.

Randy thought it was just alright, Paula found it to be miles better than last week and that Gina had fun and Simon felt that Gina tortured him with her song.

Chris Sligh – Chris apparently is taking some criticism for not being true enough to his Christian roots.  However, since this criticism seems to be mainly coming from Bob Jones University kooks, I think that we can just ignore it.  Tonight, Chris went with The Zombies’, “She’s Not There”.  Chris sounded good, as he usually does.  I found the whole strolling through the audience to be a bit odd (although I LOVED the “Bringing Chubby Back” sign.  I think I’m going to have one of my own made up.)  And, walking around the stage with the mic stand, wielding it as though it was a weapon…that was a bit odd too.

Randy loved the crowd stroll and found the song to be good overall, Paula talks about Chris’ clothes and his vocals were good and Simon thinks that his vocal was good, although not the best of the night.

Melinda Doolittle – I love Melinda as much as Simon does.  And that’s a lot.  I wasn’t overly impressed with her song tonight though.  She sounded great, but I just really wasn’t feeling it.  I don’t know.  Maybe it’s just because, by the time  she sang, I was BEYOND ready for the show to be over.  Plus, even though I usually don’t criticize such things, it seems to me that jeans were the wrong thing to wear for this song.  I think a nice, flowy dress would have worked better.

Randy says we saved the best for last tonight and compliments her to high heaven, Paula tells her that she’s in her own league and Simon wants to know if she’s really as nice as she seems.

May favorite tonight, by far, was Jordin.  I was very impressed with the control that she showed with her song.  Second fave…probably Chris Richardson.  (It would have been Blake if he hadn’t beatboxed.) Least fave….well, Sanjaya no longer counts really.  As long as he’s around, he will be the least fav by default.  Second least fave….hmm…I don’t know.  Maybe Gina?  Maybe LaKisha.  Yes, that’s right.  LaKisha!    I know…can you believe it?  Me neither.  But ’tis true.

Anyway, that’s all for now.  Go do something non-internet related for an hour or so.

And Then There Were 11…

I really have decided that the inventors of the DVR were American Idol fans. And they created the DVR for the express purpose of getting through the inane results show that have no business being 30 minutes long. I don’t need to see a bunch of ridiculous group numbers, I don’t need to hear Diana Ross (or any other aging music star trying to hock their wares) sing. I just need the results. The magic of the DVR gives me just that. And a little more if I so choose.

Tonight, I do not so choose. I went straight for the goodies. And, not surprisingly, Brandon is no more. He took it like a champ. I really wish that Sanjaya had been the one. But there’s always next week.

And now I am off to watch Lost.  Which I continue to watch, week after week, against my better judgment.   Talk about a show that has jumped the shark…

Guys and Dolls

So, this evening, we finally arrive at the top 12.  I think we could easily just eliminate the majority of them and have a showdown between Melinda and LaKisha. (Who I have a feeling will tear it up on tonight’s theme: Diana Ross.)

So, am I the only person who is sick and tired of American Idol patting itself on the back constantly about all of the talent that its discovered?  It’s getting old AI.  Unfortunately, I’m afraid that we will be subjected to it from now until the show finally goes off the air.

I’m not sure how I feel about the idea of a Diana Ross theme.  Personally, this seems like something that is skewed towards the girls.  I mean, how many Diana Ross songs are the guys going to be able to successfully pull off?   That being said, I must say that Diana Ross was especially gracious to all of the little Idolites.  She even let them three of the black girls touch her (I think we are supposed to assume that everyone got a hug from Ms. Ross, but I’m sure that she cut them off after three.)

Brandon Rogers – Brandon is starting to grow on me as time goes on.  At least his personality is.  I’m not so sure about his voice though.  While his hip swagger in the middle of “Can’t Hurry Love” was very good, I’m afraid that his overall performance did not wow me.  And, was it just me or did he forget some of the words?

Randy confirms for me that Brandon did indeed forget the words and says that he’s reverted back to a background singer, Paula babbles on about nerves and stuff, telling Brandon that there are many things that he does right (and what might those things be, Paula?) and Simon pronounces him to have no star quality and no originality.  I think that Brandon could be going home this week (because no matter how bad Sanjaya is tonight, he has that crazy fan base that I’m pretty sure Brandon lacks.)

Melinda Doolittle – Well, before poor little Melinda’s moment with Diana airs, we are subjected to what may be the most gay love banter between Simon and Ryan ever seen on American Idol.  Could they just both come out of the closet and get it over with?  Anyway, Melinda sings “Home” from The Wiz (which just happens to be a guilty pleasure of mine…the movie…not singing “Home”).  Melinda sings wonderfully as always.  However, I’m not especially impressed with the song choice.  Still, she’s Melinda and she’s flawless.  I love her…no matter what her song choice is.

Randy doesn’t think it was his favorite performance, but it was still hot for him, Paula just cries and Simon continues his weekly declaration of love to Melinda, comparing her to a young Gladys Knight. (Just for the record, I attempted to vote for the first time this season for Melinda, but could not get through.  That’s a good sign, right?)

Chris Sligh – It seems to me that Ms. Ross is not particularly happy with Chris changing up the arrangement of “Endless Love”.  Just the impression that I got.  Well, maybe she was right about that.  Even though Chris sounds as strong as he normally does, well, I’m afraid that he’s entered somewhat of a boring slump.  I just wasn’t terribly impressed with the song.  I do enjoy him singing without the glasses though.

Randy found the song arrangement weird, Paula thinks the same thing but words it differently and Simon thinks that the song was murdered by Chris.  Someone call Scotland Yard, this man has a point.

Gina Glocksen – Gina, who has apparently been singing “Love Child” since she was four, is reminded by Ms. Ross that she MUST enunciate when singing her song!  No “doubablabbadada”, Gina!  For me, dawg, Gina’s performance tonight was one of her best of the whole contest.  I think it’s also one of the better song choices for tonight.

Randy found it pitchy and boring, Paula thinks that she didn’t follow Ms. Ross’ advice about the enunciation and Simon thinks she chose the right song, but found it ultimately forgettable.  Well, I liked it.

Sanjaya Malakar – Sanjaya, Ms. Ross declares to us, is love.  Yes, that’s right.  He is LOVE.  I’m sorry, Ms. Ross, but I’m not feeling that.  At all.  Sanjaya chooses to slaughter “Ain’t No Mountain” for us.  But, let’s not even talk about his performance.  It was as mediocre as any other that he’s given us.  Let’s talk about his HAIR!  What the hell is going on there???  Who decided that an 80’s perm would be the look for Sanjaya tonight?  Are the stylists in my court?   Are they trying to make his hair look as foolish as he sounds?

Randy is overwhelmed by the awfulness of the song…or maybe it’s the hair…could be both, Paula agrees with Diana that Sanjaya is love…which is nice of her to say and Simon thinks the only similarity between Sanjaya and Ms. Ross is the hair.

Haley Scarnato – So, why do only select contestants get viewer questions lobbed at them?  What’s that all about?  Kinda weird to me.  Anyway, I seriously thought that Ryan was going to ask Haley what the weirdest place that she ever made whoopie was, but…well, he didn’t.  Anyway, Haley is singing “Missing You” tonight.  Ms. Ross tells us that Haley has a recording studio voice….which is a nice way for her to say that she thinks Haley stinks.  I think this is a really ambitious song for Haley to tackle.  And, unfortunately, I really don’t think she pulls it off.  Especially when she makes her angry face while singing it.  And forgets the words.  That’s never good.

Randy tells her she gave a valiant effort…he’s easy on her because he can tell that she’s about to burst into tears, Paula goes with the “You look lovely tonight” which Haley understands to mean “You sounded horrible” and Simon is genuinely nice for once by remembering Haley’s name and throwing all other sorts of compliments out to her.

Phil Stacey – Phil manages to actually impress Ms. Ross, which, in turn, impresses me.  (And I love her advice to Phil that the audience “really are real people”.)  I think that Phil sounded better when he sang for Ms. Ross than he did on the stage.  Phil had the same problem tonight that he seems to often have…he starts off very weak, but manages to warm up somewhere in the middle of the song.  He sounds good once he gets going…it’s just the getting going part that he has a hard time with.

Randy found the performance boring, but the vocals hot, Paula, once again, says the same thing with different words and Simon thinks it was okay but that Phil needs to learn to control his shouting.

LaKisha Jones – Is it possible for LaKisha to have a more dead look on her face than the one she had in her segment with Ms. Ross?  I think not.  Unless she was actually dead.  “KiKi” and her lack of personality are starting to get on my nerves.  I don’t care how well she can sing.  She suffers from Carrie Underwood syndrome.  Good voice with the personality of dust.  And, isn’t one American Idol like that more than enough?  She did sound good though.  No argument from me there.

Randy declares her to be sensational, Paula throws the word beautiful around a lot and says that her heart comes through in her performance and Simon tells her that “she’s got it”.

Blake Lewis – Blake is lucky enough to get a viewer question, in which we learn that he likes a whole lot of music that I’ve never heard of.  And he also likes Michael Jackson and Prince too.  He then rearranges one of Ms. Ross’ songs and I expect fire to shoot from her eyes and burn him alive.  But, it doesn’t.  Anyway, Blake does something new and original with “You Keep Me Hangin’ On”.  I like it a whole lot.  I find some of his movements to be distracting, but his performance really “pops” for me.  Hands down the best male performer tonight.

Randy apparently doesn’t like the new arrangement and tells him that he doesn’t need to “Blake-ize” everything, Paula thinks that he could have a hit with his version and Simon didn’t get it at all.  Personally, I don’t understand everyone’s veneration of this song.  Ummm, it was changed when Kim Wilde sang it in 1987  and it was a hit then.  This song isn’t beyond being switched up a bit.

Stephanie Edwards – Stephanie chooses to sing “Love Hangover”.  I think that the best advice Ms. Ross could have given Stephanie would have been “Pick a different song.”  This seems like a really odd choice for me.  Because the part of this song that is best known is the up-tempo part, which doesn’t have a whole lot of singing in it.  For me, it was one of Stephanie’s weakest performances.  Especially since, she also forgot the words…although she did manage to do some ad-libbing to cover it up.

Randy thinks it’s a perfect song choice, but not her best vocal, Paula thinks it would have been better if she could have sang the good part and Simon thinks that she teased us with what she sang and didn’t deliver.  And I agree.

Chris Richardson – Chris sings a song that I have never heard of before, “The Boss”.  And he doesn’t sing it all that well.  And he’s wearing way too much white.  He does take the advice of Ms. Ross though and tries to work the crowd.  Unfortunately, they don’t seem exceptionally receptive to it to me.  Maybe they, like me, were just ready for this night to be through.

Randy thinks that he overdid it a little, but gives his half-good, half-bad speech that he seems to give all the time now, Paula thinks that Chris was the best guy tonight and Simon found his performance dreadful.

Jordin Sparks  – Jordin sang a song that I’ve never heard, but sang it fabulously.  I’ve been a big fan of Jordin from day one.  If she can keep it up like she did tonight, I think that she might hang around for awhile

Randy, Paula and Simon all loved her.

Overall, I found tonight boring and pretty not good.  I really regret that Diana Ross wasn’t an actual guest judge on this one.  I think that she could have given some real, useful feedback.

You Can’t Always Get What You Want

So, Jared got sent home.  Honestly, that was the only thing about last night’s results that DIDN’T surprise me.  Jared was too in love with himself…a feeling that clearly was not mutual with the AI viewing audience.

The rest of the results though, quite frankly, surprised me.  Antonella actually got sent home?  Clearly, she’s deserved to go home for weeks now.  But, somehow, I thought that she was going to hang around to torment us for awhile longer.  Thank goodness America got something right with the results for once.

As for Sundance and Sabrina going home.  Well, I wasn’t a huge fan of either, but they were clearly not the weakest candidates left.  Without a doubt, it should have been Sanjaya and Haley going instead.  Unfortunately for us, we have to see Sanjaya again next week.  I’m hoping that he’ll just crack under the pressure and disqualify himself.  After all, when Paula basically says that you shouldn’t be there…well, maybe you REALLY shouldn’t be there.

Sisters Are Doin’ It…

Well, here come the girls again.  Let’s hope that they are better than the guys were last night.

So, one of the first things that we hear tonight is that Paula is missing.  Eventually, we learn that Paula was under the judges desk.  What??  Hmmm…

Jordin Sparks – Although I am a big fan of Pat Benatar, I’ve never really liked “Heartbreaker”.  Jordin Sparks, however, has changed that for me.  She really sang this song like it was her own.  With this song, I think Jordin proves to us why she was put in this competition in the first place.

Randy manages to throw out hot, pitchy and dope in his appraisal of Jordin.  Ultimately, I think he liked it.  Paula belches love to Jordin and Simon calls her performance shrieky, but thinks that she’s an overall good performer.

Sabrina Sloan – So, Sabrina attempts to tackle an En Vogue song this evening.  She makes a good run for it, but still manages to miss it…by a long shot.  And, to tell you the truth, the background singers weren’t helping her any on this one.  Could we stop a moment to grade them?  Can we throw a “pitchy” their way this eveing?  Still, Sabrina sounded unnecessarily nasally to me on this one.  Definitely not one of her best performances.

Randy is all over the place in his critique of Sabrina, saying that it was a good, solid performance but that the song didn’t have enough melody.  Paula declares that Sabrina can “sing, sing, sing” and Simon found her to be robotic and reminiscent of hotel resort performance.  To which Paula responds that she’d gladly go to one of those hotels.  Gotta love the witty repartee between those two.

Antonella Barba – The mere mention of Antonella’s name raises the hairs on my neck.  Why, oh WHY is this girl still in this competition??  I have no idea what the HELL she is singing tonight, but it is absolutely HORRID!  I thought she was bad in previous weeks…but good LORD, she stunk up the stage tonight.  So much so, that I couldn’t even recognize the song that she was singing until half-way through.  Bad, bad, bad.

Randy likes the song choice and the ending of her song, but thinks it was just okay overall (did he have his ear plugs in?), Paula thinks she picked the right song and then rambles on about…I have no idea what.  Simon tells Antonella that she’s through.  Her voice sucks and she’s through.  Unfortunately, he didn’t use those exact words.  But he should have.

Haley Scarnato – Haley manages to underwhelm with her performance of Faith Hill’s “If My Heart Had Wings”.  She picked up a little (just a teensy little) in the middle, but overall…she sounded a bit flat to me.  And definitely boring.  A very dull performance.

Randy says it was okay, but was lacking the “YO!” factor, Paula makes fun of the “YO!” critique and says that she sang the song well, while Simon thinks it was a horrible high school musical performance.  He then admits to Haley that he doesn’t even know her name.  She’s just that boring.  And I kinda have to agree.  Two years from now, I will have absolutely no recollection of who she is.

Stephanie Edwards – Stephanie throws down the smooth, soul card once again tonight.  This girl does have a voice.  And she’s growing on me.  I think she had a few off notes, but I liked her overall.

Randy gives her an A for effort, but tells her that she’s no Chaka Khan, Paula finds her to be nearly flawless and Simon thinks she’s should definitely be in the top 12, but that she needs to bring out her personality a bit more.

LaKisha Jones – I know that I haven’t been talking about the absurd little intros this week, but I couldn’t let LaKisha’s “doverman pitcher” comment go by without comment.  Doverman pitcher?  Seriously?  Anyway, LaKisha decides to not take my advice and sings a Whitney song.  And even though she is one of the strongest singers in this competition, her version of “I Have Nothing” does nothing for me.  Just reminds me of Whitney singing it.  Plus, I can’t get over “doverman pitcher”.

Randy throws the word great around a lot, Paula goes blah, blah, blah and Simon tosses around a bunch of positive adjectives as well.  It’s a LaKisha Love Fest.

Gina Glockesn – First, I feel sorry for anyone who has to follow LaKisha.  I particularly feel sorry for Gina Glocksen when she is that person.  She needs all of the luck that Ryan, her troll, her pickle and her pillow can give her.  Unfortunately, as soon as she opens her mouth, I realize that none of that luck has made it’s way to her.  And….wait…what is that?!  Gina, are you wearing a RED bra under a gray see-through top…well, clearly, you are.  Ummm, yeah.  Don’t do that anymore.  And, while you’re busy not doing things,  try not to sing Evanescence songs anymore either.

Randy seems to like Gina’s performance because she’s “keeping the edge alive”, Paula agrees with Randy and Simon briefly departs from reality and declares her to be a breath of fresh air.  Ugh.

Melinda Doolittle – Even though I like Melinda a whole lot, I didn’t really care for her song all that much tonight.  I guess she sang it okay.  I just…I don’t know.  I wasn’t feelin’ it, dawg.  Not enough YO! for me.  Or something like that.

Randy completely disagrees with me and says “what” about a million times, Paula talks all about Melinda’s personality, but doesn’t really say anything about the song and Simon loved it, calling her a little tiger.  Guess I was just feeling off tonight.  I still love Melinda though.  I love her personality, I love her voice.  I just wasn’t feeling it tonight.  I reserve that right.  Hey, it’s my blog.  I’ll feel how I want to.

Antonella…please leave.  Just leave.  Don’t even wait for America to kick you off (because they probably won’t).  Just do me a favor and go back to Jersey.  Or stay in Hollywood and do some porn.  Just stop singing!  And, hell, take Haley with you.

Men Singing Badly

Here’s hoping we lose Sanjaya Malakar this week!  Anyway, on to the contestants:

Blake Lewis – Ummm…hmmm…I’m not really sure what to say about Blake tonight.  That whole Jimmy Walker Blue bit in the intro…well, that was bizarre.  As for his song selection…well, it was definitely original.  I’m pretty sure that no one else has ever sang a 311 song on American Idol before.  I just don’t know that I really liked the performance all that much.  Still, I think as far as the guys go, it will be between Blake and Chris Sligh…as long as “America” doesn’t kick one of them off this week.

Randy thinks it’s hot, but has never heard the song, Paula has also never heard the song (how can these people profess to be musical judges and have never heard 311?) and Simon thinks that Blake stands out in the crowd and will 100% be here next week.  Great.  It’s been nice knowing ya, Blake.

Sanjaya (he’s lost his last name this week) – Sanjaya is clearly the Kevin Corvais of this season.  Everyone remember little Kevin?  Yeah, that’s who Sanjaya is.  Anyway, I fully believe that Sanjaya should be stoned to death after what he did to John Mayer this week.  And John should be allowed to do the throwing.  America, PLEASE, kick this little girl/boy off this week!

Randy thinks that Sanjaya hasn’t been good since the auditions, Paula tries to be a bit nicer and blabbers on about the other guys and Simon declares that his vocal was bad and that maybe his hair is keeping him in the competition.

Sundance Head – First, I’m horrified that Sundance chose to not only sing a Pearl Jam song, but my favorite Pearl Jam song.  Why am I so horrified?  Well, “Jeremy” is my favorite Pearl Jam song mainly because they say the word “fuck” in it and it used to get played on the radio all the time.  Weird reason, yes.  But that’s my all-time favorite word!  Anyway,  I was none too pleased to hear the word “punk” subsituted for it tonight. (Of course, they wouldn’t let the word “damn” be sang last week.)  And I was perhaps even less pleased with Sundance’s version of the song.  Eddie Veder (lead singer of Pearl Jam, for those of you not in the know) has a very strong voice.  Sundance singing this song just reminds me that his voice isn’t nearly as strong.

Randy likes Sundance’s Southern rock interpretation of Pearl Jam and declares it to be hot (even though he also said it was kinda pitchy), Paula likes his “Sundance groove” and thinks he did really well and Simon thinks he lost his charm this week, calling him a “generic bar singer”.

So, in the middle of hearing the contestants, we get introduced to country singer, Travis Tritt.  These days, Travis is looking suspiciously like Patch from Days of Our Lives.  Hmmmm…

Chris Richardson – For me, Chris Richardson is this year’s Ace What’s-His-Face.  Most weeks, I think his looks overshadow his singing.  This week, however, I actually enjoyed his performance.  It started off a bit weak, but by the time that it ended, he had me.  I enjoyed it.  Plus, he has a classic smile.

Randy says he puts the boys on blast and I have no idea what that means, Paula thinks he picked a great song and Simon thought it cutesy and that we have yet to hear Chris’ full potential (which I totally agree with).

Jared Cotter – Jared is also on my list of guys that I really don’t like this season.  Mainly because I think Jared thinks he’s a LOT better than he really is.  To be fair, he wasn’t entirely horrendous tonight.  But he has yet to live up to the hot, soulful crooner image that he tries so hard to convey.

Randy declares it to be a solid performance, Paula thinks that he needs to add some color to his singing (some real criticism from Paula and of a guy singer, no less!) and Simon calls it unoriginal and lacking in wow factor.

Brandon Rogers – So, apparently I really don’t like most of the guys this season.  I just realized that.  Because I also don’t like Brandon Rogers.  However, I think he sounded okay tonight.  In fact, I think he sounded his best so far.  Still don’t think he belongs here, but he’s improving.

Randy calls it a solid performance, Paula found it to be phenomenal and Simon doesn’t think he’s done well so far and is nervous that he may have eliminated himself with his song choice.  I don’t know.  I liked it.   But maybe I’m tone deaf.

Phil “I’m a Romulan” Stacey – Phil should never open his eyes wide.  It’s scary.  Like Elliot Yamin coming into your bedroom to kill you at night scary.  I found Phil’s version of Leann Rimes’ song to be…rather odd.  It took me awhile to even recognize it.  And then, when I did, I didn’t want to.

Randy compares him to Steve Perry (really??) but still finds him to be pitchy, Paula finds the song choice to be odd and thinks it wasn’t his best performance (thank you Paula!) and Simon just doesn’t get it and thinks his big eyes were creepy (thank you Simon!)

Chris Sligh – In the first 5 seconds of his song, Chris manages to outsing all of the other contestants tonight.  I’ve never heard his song before and, honestly, it doesn’t do a whole lot for me.  But his singing is fantastic.  Let’s hope that he doesn’t turn into the Chris Daughtry of this season and get kicked off way before his time.

Randy gives him the vocal prize of the night, Paula didn’t really like it and Simon also doesn’t like the song choice, but he thinks Chris has potential.

And that’s that.  Once again, I’m rooting for Sanjaya to get voted the hell outta Dodge.  Unfortunately, I think it’s not gonna happen.  Hell, he’ll probably end up winning the damn competition.

Guess What? There’s No Justice in This World

So, we lost Nick Pedro, Alainna Alexander, A.J. Tabaldo and Leslie Hunt tonight. Was I shocked? Well, yes and no. I’ve gotten used to American Idol screwing over perfectly good contestants over the years, so, in that respect, I wasn’t shocked at all. However, clearly, the ones with talent are going and the ones that suck are staying.

I don’t think that Nick was fantastic, but, since two guys have to go, I guess he was as good a choice as anyone. Although I personally would have preferred it to be Brandon. However, between A.J. and Sanjaya…Sanjaya and his freaky ass CLEARLY should have gone. Even Sanjaya thought so. A.J. sounded fantastic last night. Fantastic, I say! And he sounded equally good with his farewell song tonight. Absolutely NO reason at all that he should be going home. Clearly, this show IS rigged.

As for the girls, I don’t think that either one that went home should have. They weren’t fantastic, but they were both worlds better than either Antonella OR Haley. I have no idea how they survived either.

Bleh. That’s how I feel about tonight’s results. Just plain bleh.

On a positive note, I think that Kellie Pickler sounded pretty gosh darn good. Clearly, somebody is trying to make her and her new boobs a higher class version of her previous self. And it’s working for me.

Now if we could just get them to stop doing those ridiculously annoying group numbers…

The Girls, Part 2

I have nothing witty or slightly interesting to say as an intro this evening. So, let’s jump right into the part where I say mean things (or nice things…maybe) about the contestants:

Gina Glocksen – Gina dedicates her song this evening to her loving boyfriend who so lovingly encouraged her to audition for the gazillionth time. Awww! And he even dyed his hair the same color as Gina’s! Double awww! So, Gina chose to tackle a Heart song this evening. All I have to say about that is this: if you are going to sing a song that contains the line “I hope it won’t end though…alone”, you had better sing your best. Otherwise, that line could end up being a self-fulfilling prophecy. In Gina’s case, I fear that may be the case.

Randy…well, I think Randy liked it…he praised her song choice and the rest was a bunch of Randy babble, Paula thought she was excellent and Simon is confused about who Gina is, even though he seems to have liked the song.

Alaina Alexander – Alaina dedicates her song to her mom. And I’m not gonna make fun of that. ‘Cause I was kinda moved by her dedication. Anyway, Alaina sounded a bit uneven to me tonight…she started out strong, but kinda fizzled after that. She did hit her high note though…and that always impresses me.

Randy calls her performance a mess, Paula thinks she was off but not nearly as bad as Randy says and Simon says she ran out of steam by comparing her to Randy running a race…which was oddly funny in that rude Simon way.

LaKisha Jones – Oh, LaKisha. How sweet it is to dedicate a smooth, soulful song like “Midnight Train to Georgia” to your grandma. And, grandma, no doubt, was proud of this performance. It was smooth. It was soulful. It was great. LaKisha really is one to beat in this contest. She just needs to keep on building that confidence.

Randy calls it hot…four times, Paula tells LaKisha to remember that she is “LAKISHA!” and proclaims her love for her and Simon doesn’t think it was as good as last week, however, he does think that she will be a star. Even though he doesn’t like her outfit. When did this become the Simon Cowell Fashion Hour?

Melinda Doolittle – Melinda dedicates her song to her “Gayles”…her two little white girlfriends.  Apparently, Melinda is the whitest black contestant we have this year.  Nothing wrong with that at all.  I’m just saying…  Anyway, I think Melinda blew it out of the water tonight.  “My Funny Valentine” isn’t a song that really does anything for me, but Melinda made magic with it.  And she definitely provided us with something that the equally talented LaKisha did not…personality.  I really think this contest could easily come down to American Idol’s first ever REAL diva showdown.

Randy once again declares hotness and says that Melinda is the one to beat, Paula calls her outstanding and applauds her and Simon finds Melinda’s performance to be incredible and the best vocal through the competition.  Melinda is clearly overwhelmed by all the love being thrown her way.  Of course she is…it doesn’t happen all that much on this show.

Antonella Barba – Eee Gad!  Why is this chick still on this show?  Anyway, Antonella dedicates her song to her brother Vincenzo…which is kinda creepy because it’s “Because You Loved Me” by Celine Dion.  Okay, the general sentiment might be able to be applied to your brother, but it’s a LOVE song, Antonella.  And not the brother/sister kind of love.  Unless you have some sort of Flowers in the Attic thing going on.  Anyway, as usual, Antonella SLAUGHTERS this song…and not in a good way.  I’m officially adding Celine Dion to my list of people that American Idol contestants should not be allowed to sing songs from.  And Antonella…well, she just shouldn’t be allowed to sing…period.

Randy tells a very unbelieving Antonella that the song was way too big for her (of course, he starts out by telling her that she’s beautiful…you never want to hear that on this show), Paula thinks she’s better than last week, but that’s really not saying anything at all and Simon thinks she was worse than last week.  She’s just bad.  Last week.  This week.  Next week.  Any week.  Antonella is bad.  And her attempt to somehow place herself in the same league as Jennifer Hudson…please.

Jordin Sparks – Jordin is one of my favorite girl contestants this year.  She dedicates her song to her younger brother…AWWW! (That one was sincere this time…note the all caps…that indicates sincerity in this blog.)  I’ve never heard Jordin’s song before and, sadly, it doesn’t start off all that strong.  Actually, she is a little all over the place at first (a phrase that is starting to become my “pitchy”, I fear).  She seems to have a hard time with the soft parts of the song, although she really nails it when she can really let her voice all out.

Randy thinks she did good (although not her best), especially for someone her age, Paula finds Jordin to be infectious, brilliant and talented and Simon agrees that it wasn’t her best, but finds her to be better than many others.  Clearly, Simon has a soft spot for her…which is just fine with me.  ‘Cause I do too.

Stephanie Edwards – Stephanie dedicates her song to her parents, who apparently forced her against her will to audition for American Idol.  I hate to sound like a broken record, but I’ve never heard Stephanie’s song before either.  And, quite frankly, I find it to be a bit bland and boring.  She sings it well enough.  Especially at the end.  But, it just wasn’t really something that I could get excited about.

Randy tells her that she sang her face off but that she sounded too much like Beyonce, Paula disagrees with Randy, saying that she was brilliant and Simon agrees with Paula.

Leslie Hunt – Leslie is a very weird girl.  I’m afraid that that might work against her in the long run on this show.  Personally, I like it.  But, then again, I’m a little odd myself.  Anyway, she dedicates her song to her dead granddaddy.  I love “Feelin’ Good”…and apparently, so do this year’s American Idol contestants, since this is the second time that we’ve hear this this week.  Leslie really had me with this…until she got all skiddly, skee-bop on us.  For a minute, I thought she was having a stroke.  Leslie, be yourself.  Be weird.  But, don’t do that…whatever it was, ever again.

Randy thinks that the skiddly, skee-bop was a nice return for Leslie, even though it was overall pitchy and just “aiight”, Paula loves to hear her back in her element and Simon thinks that the skiddly, skee-bop sounds like Paula talking.  And that made me laugh.

Haley Scarnato – Haley dedicates her song to her boyfriend.  Blah, blah, blah.  At this point, I’m tired of all the damn dedications.  Anyway, she sings “Queen of the Night”.  And I have no idea why she (or anyone else) would do that.  Remember that list that I mentioned earlier?  The one of banned performers from AI?  Whitney Houston is at the tip top of that list.  Especially for skinny white girls who do not have any soul at all.  But, as far as this particular song goes, I don’t think even Whitney Houston should sing it ever again.  It’s just not a very good song.  And Haley gives Antonella a run for her money in the really bad singing category with it.

Randy doesn’t like the song at all, Paula finds it to be leaps and bounds better than last week and Simon gives her an A for effort and then tells her that she was “manic, verging on insane”.

Sabrina Sloan – Sabrina dedicates her song to her grandma.  Good for her.  Honestly, until Sabrina came on the screen, I had forgotten that she was still in this competition.  That’s really not a good sign.  So, she sings “All the Man That I Need” for grandma…and presumably not TO grandma.  Sabrina is also brave for tackling Whitney Houston.  She does a better job than Haley, but I think that’s probably due in large part to the fact that she chose a much better song.  Her performance is good, although not good enough to make me forget that I’m listening to someone else sing a Whitney Houston song.

Randy finds it nice overall, Paula just loves Sabrina and Simon thinks that she was okay, but shouldn’t choose Whitney songs to sing.  And I agree.

Truthfully, if there is any justice in this world, Antonella and Haley will go this week.  I’m not holding my breath though.

No Blog, No Cry

Sadly, there will be no blog about Wednesday’s show until Thursday. I just wasn’t in the mood last night. Sorry.