This Nation Has No Shortage of Bad Singers…

So, this week we were treated to THREE nights of American Idol instead of our usual two. Oh joy. A whole extra night devoted to mentally deficient people who really think they can sing! So, auditions were more or less the same this week as they are every other audition week. Lots of really questionable singing, lots of begging, lots of weird outfits. Any logic behind the judges decisions this year has been…well, not present. One contestant will come on, sing horribly and somehow get sent on to Hollywood. Another will come on, sing ok, and get sent home. How is this possible? I need consistency American Idol! Where is my consistency??

All of that being said, I am very glad that we move on to Hollywood Week next week. It will be nice to see more of who actually made it through this season – since they have been noticeably absent these past few weeks.

Ok…that is all.

San Francisco and Louisville

So, I only half-watched the auditions this week. From what little I saw, I see that American Idol is upholding its tradition of showcasing the freaks, while only showing one or two people with actual talent. Although, it does seem to me that there is a new twist to things this year. I could be wrong…because, well, it’s happened before (and I have a crappy memory) but it seems to me that, in past seasons, we only got the sappy backstories of contestants who had some measure of talent. This season, the powers that be at AI are mixing it up a bit…giving us heart warming life stories of people who are wretchedly bad. Why do this? Why make me get all warm and fuzzy about someone…only to find out that they sound like a baby seal being clubbed to death? Doing this only proves to me that the powers behind this show are pure evil. Evil, I tell you.

On a different note, I’m finding that I actually like new judge, Kara DioGuardi. I wasn’t too sure about her at first…but she adds some relevance that the show is desperately in need of. So, now we have two useless morons (Paula and Randy) and two people who actually know what they’re talking about…more or less (Kara and Simon).

Ahh…balance has been brought to the world of American Idol.

That is all.

I’ve Got the Fever…Apparently

So, I vowed to myself that, after completely giving up on American Idol before the end of the season last year, that I would NOT, under ANY circumstances, watch the show again. I certainly wouldn’t be blogging about it (as it is rather difficult to blog about a television show that you aren’t watching.) However…well, I’ve had a slight change of heart. I mean, I’ve somehow gotten sucked into watching the damn show anyway. Hell, might as well blog about it again.

One disclaimer, however: Despite the fact that I can’t seem to stop watching this show, I truly do NOT like it. It really is like the proverbial train wreck for me…I want to look away so badly…but it’s there…begging me to watch it. As a result, I will be making fun of everyone and everything related to the show mercilessly. I mean, I may occasionally like someone…it’s bound to happen. But my hatred for the show runs deep. If you think American Idol is the greatest thing ever…then maybe you shouldn’t read this blog…and perhaps you should also seek psychiatric help.

As in the past, I’m really not sure what to blog about during audition weeks. Besides, I’ve already missed blogging the first one entirely. (And, to give credit to AI producers, they actually managed to show more successful auditions this year than in the past…good for them.) I may blog about next week’s auditions…I may not. Haven’t really decided yet. My thing really is picking apart the contestants on their individual performances, so, at the very least, this blog won’t kick into high gear until then.

In the meantime, enjoy this from EW.com. Or rather…don’t.

She’s Got a Ticket to Ride

Ok, so I have a confession to make.  I didn’t watch any of the results show at all tonight.  Thanks to modern technology, I don’t have to.  I did attempt to watch a bit of the Pickle…because I really like Kellie Pickler.  But she was a bit too country for me…just wasn’t in a country mood tonight.

Anyway, for some odd reason, America chose to keep Kristy Lee over Amanda this week.  Now, I think both of them are equally deserving of going.  It’s just a little surprising to me…I mean, I thought she had some sort of huge, misguided fan-base.  Apparently not.  Anyway….thank goodness Bride of Frankenstein is gone and here’s to hoping that Kristy Lee goes next week.

Can’t Buy Me Love

So, do we really need a SECOND week of slaughtering Beatles songs? Really? Lately, I’ve been watching clips on YouTube of Leona Lewis, the 2006 winner of Britain’s The X-Factor. And she is 10 million times better than any girl on this season of American Idol. She may even be better than all of the girls from ALL seasons of Idol. But that’s just my opinion. Anyway, check her out:

Can you tell that I’m trying to delay writing about Idol? Is it obvious? Well, I suppose that I must. After all, it is why I’m here.

Amanda Overmyer

For once, Amanda did the unthinkable…she actually made me NOT hate her. I didn’t even know that was possible. So, I still don’t like her…but she managed to not shriek throughout her version of “Back in the U.S.S.R.” tonight. And that’s an improvement, at least.

Randy thought it was pitchy, but liked the end, Paula says a bunch of nonsense that only half makes sense and Simon thought it was predictable and a mess and tells her that she’s verging on the edge of being boring. If I never see Amanda Overmyer again in my life, I would be happy.

Kristy Lee Cook

Clearly, Kristy Lee should listen to songs before actually choosing them. Her song choice for this week has entirely too many low notes for her…the girl has negative ability to sing them. She sounds flat throughout most of the song…I’m really not sure how or why so many people thought that she was the clear winner at the beginning of the season. If she doesn’t go home this week, something is VERY wrong with this show.

Randy calls it boring and safe and tells her that she may not have been singing the song right, Paula goes for the “Hey, you’re pretty” compliment and Simon tells her that she needs to be hypnotized because she isn’t a good performer. As always, the audience boos Simon for no good reason. Kristy Lee, please go home.

David Archuleta

I’m still waiting to get sick of David Archuleta. I keep thinking that it will happen…it hasn’t yet though. David has chosen to go back to his standard slow singing this week…and, well, it IS what works best for him. His performance this week is vastly superior to what he did last week – but then again, how could it not be? (After all, he DID remember the words this week.) David has the ability to be engaging even when singing slow songs though. And that’s a key element that so many other contestants this season can’t seem to successfully manage.

Randy seems very excited that David has brought it back, Paula says something about adversity and character building…I can’t even concentrate on what she says anymore. And Simon thinks that David is amazing.

Michael Johns

Michael may have turned in his worst performance of the season this week. He certainly did a bang up job of destroying a Beatles song. I mean, he sounded okay near the end…but what the hell was up with the beginning of that song? And what the hell was up with the camera spinning around throughout his performance? Was the cameraman trying to recreate a 60’s drug-induced state for us? All in all, I thought the Aussie did a terrible job tonight. Did you pick up on that?

Randy politely tells Michael that he sucks. Yep, that’s what he said. Paula also agrees with Randy. And Simon calls it a mess. Yes, Simon, it was. A giant, disgusting mess.

Brooke White

Brooke picks the first truly good song of the night “Here Comes the Sun”. She does a really good job with it. She’s still a little on the boring side, but as far as I’m concerned, she’s the only girl this year who can really sing. (Unfortunately, that’s really not a HUGE compliment.) Besides, at least she moves, smiles and seems like she’s enjoying herself when she performs.

Randy found her performance awkward and thinks that she didn’t connect with the song, Paula thinks she played it safe, but tells Brooke that she’s lovable. And Simon found her performance terrible and…wet?? What the HELL does THAT mean, Cowell??

David “Comb-Over” Cook

David is trying his hardest to be this season’s Chris Daughtry. He is in no danger of having that happen, however. His rendition of “Day Tripper” isn’t bad. It’s not great either though. I find David to be very annoying because he clearly thinks that he is MUCH better than he actually is.

Randy is in love with David and wants to have his Comb-Over Babies. However, I think he may have to fight Paula for that privilege. Simon, however, doesn’t think that David’s performance is as good as David thinks it is. I swear, sometimes, I think that Simon and I are the same person.

Carly Smithson

So, Carly really shouldn’t close her eyes during a performance. Because every time she opens them, she has a look on her face that says “I don’t know where I am or why I’m here”. I am underwhelmed by Carly’s take on “Blackbird”. It does nothing for me. It certainly doesn’t make me want to wave my hands back and forth and cheer constantly as the Idol audience does. What is wrong with these people? Are they all being fed crystal meth upon entering the theatre?

Randy calls it nice and cool…and makes up a word, Paula would go lesbian for Carly and Simon brings the only measure of sanity to this judges panel by declaring that he doesn’t like it. And, of course, the drug-induced audience turns on him.

Jason Castro

Castro sings “Michelle” this week. He does a fantastic job of it…and manages to move around on the stage more than he has the entire season. And, to top it all off, I’m pretty sure that he was baked out of his mind during his pre-performance interview.

Randy seems to have no idea what he thinks of Jason’s performance, Paula tells Jason that he’s hot, but is dependent upon his guitar for a good performance and Simon tells Jason that his face sold the song – which is not really a compliment in a singing competition.

Syesha Mercado

This week’s audience may be the most annoying audience in Idol history. Shut up you freaks! Anyway, Syesha does a version of “Yesterday” that makes me want to open my wrists. It’s good singing and all. It’s just so damn depressing. What’s up with that? I mean, I realize that it’s not the most cheery song in the world to begin with…but it doesn’t have to lead one to the depths of despair, does it?

Randy found it to be very good, Paula loved her vulnerability and Simon thought it was her best performance to date.

Chikezie

Chikezie has really grown on me. At first, I couldn’t stand him, but now I’m beginning to see that he really does belong on this show – unlike some other contestants. His performance this week was really strong vocally and he seemed to be having a good time. I think, however, that I could have done without the harmonica playing. I mean, Chikezie…you’re no Stevie Wonder, ok?

Randy is all over the place with his feelings about the song…he liked the fast part, didn’t like the slow part, might have liked the harmonica – he doesn’t really know. Paula seems to have seen into Chikezie’s soul or something. I think Paula may have suffered some sort of a stroke. And Simon liked it until Chikezie went all Stevie Wonder on us. After that, it went straight to country hell for him.

Ramiele Malubay

Ramiele…oh, Ramiele. My love for the Asian Sensation has left the building. I think she started off pretty well in this competition…but has been working really hard lately to prove to us that she has no personality on stage. Her performance this week was just odd. What was up with the hobbling across the stage? Was that supposed to be sexy? Playful? It looked to me like someone had possibly attacked her Nancy Kerrigan style before the show started. And if she finds herself going home this week, I’m sure that she’ll regret choosing a song called “I Should Have Known Better”.

Randy liked it but didn’t like it -which seems to his standard reply to everything this week. Paula declares it to be better than last week…but the way that she says it leads me to believe that she doesn’t really believe it. And Simon thinks that she chose a bad song and didn’t show us what she’s really capable of.

All in all, a pretty boring night on Idol. I have no idea who thought that it would be a good idea to do TWO weeks of Beatles songs. Whoever that person is, they should be fired. It definitely didn’t help any of the contestants to shine. If anything, it’s starting to feel more and more that this ISN’T the best selection of Idol contestants ever.

As for who is going this week…that’s a tough one. I think that the David’s, Jason, Brooke and Syesha are probably safe. Chikezie probably is too. If there is any justice in the world, Kristy Lee should be the one going home. But it wouldn’t surprise me if Michael or Ramiele went.

Return to Stripsville

Dear American Idol Producers,

Please, please, PLEASE…for the love of all that is Kelly Clarkson…STOP dragging out results shows that should only last 30 minutes (at the most) to an hour.  I don’t need to see Jim Carrey in a giant elephant suit shamelessly promoting his new movie.  I don’t need to hear the bottom three sing their songs once again to remember how bad they were the night before.  I don’t need to hear stupid questions from the stupid fans.  Nor do I need to hear past American Idol almost-winners sing songs in a sad attempt to remind people that they still exist (personally, I had completely forgotten all about Katharine McPhee and her McFace).  All I want out of a results show…are the RESULTS!!  You are eliminating ONE single person…just go ahead and do it!

Sincerely,

Me

So, with that out of the way, I must say that I was actually sad to see David “The Stripper” Hernandez leave tonight.  Of the bottom three, Kristy Lee REALLY should have been the one to go.  How she is still on this show is beyond me.  Must be the damn horse thing.

I AM the Walrus!

So, do we really need a never-ending tour of the “new” American Idol stage?  I think not.  And, do we need to once again hear Ryan Seacrest going on about how this is the most talented group of singers that Idol has ever seen?  Once again, I think not.  But, I digress.

Somehow, American Idol managed to trick the powers that be into allowing the songs of the Beatles to be slaughtered live on television.  Not quite sure how they pulled that one off…but…sigh…anyway, on with the show.

Syesha Mercado

Congratulations to Syesha for picking one of the more boring Beatles songs to suck on.  At least she didn’t destroy a well-known tune…like “Let it Be” or “Hey Jude”.  Her vocals are okay…but her performance is just boring.  And the song…well, it’s really not a good song choice.  Not at all.  Bleh.  I want to like Syesha.  I REALLY, REALLY do.  She’s just so inconsistent though.  One week, she’s really good…the next week…not so much.

Randy likes the arrangement of the song and declares it alright, Paula enjoyed the song from the middle to the end and Simon thought it was a great song choice, but that Syesha looked very nervous.  Blah.  I’m ready for her to go home.

Chikezie

Chikezie does a really good rendition of “She’s a Woman”.  Although, honestly, I think I’m more impressed with the arrangement of the song than I actually am with his vocals.  The bluegrass intro really worked for me…and I think that’s when his vocals are strongest.  I think I would have really enjoyed a full-on bluegrass version of the song.  But, maybe that’s just me.

Randy was thoroughly entertained and LOVED the arrangement, Paula thinks he took a risk and it payed off while Simon is surprised to find himself agreeing with Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee.

Ramiele Malubay

Ramiele chooses to sing “In My Life”.  She manages to truly bring out the melancholy in the song…which is not really a good thing.  “In My Life”, as performed by The Beatles, has a slightly upbeat tune that masks the sadness of the song.  Ramiele’s version dispenses with any trace of upbeatness (yes, I know that’s not a word) and replaces it with…well, let’s just say that I had a strong desire to find the closest bridge and hurl myself from it.  Her vocals were good…the arrangement not so much.

Randy found it boring and did not find his earth moved, Paula beings by telling Ramiele that she looks lovely (which is never what you want to hear from Paula) and then tells her that she could have done better and Simon was bored to tears.

Jason Castro

Jason is back with his guitar in hand…which is exactly where I knew it would be as soon as I heard that he was singing “If I Fell”.  I really enjoy his version of this song.  Jason is actually capable of singing a slow song without making it boring…something that most of the other contestants seem incapable of doing.  I must admit, that I’m not entirely happy with some of his facial gestures…but I look past them to listen to the voice that is the Castronator.  (What??  I don’t know.  It’s late in the evening as I type this.  I really should be in bed.)

Randy liked it but didn’t love it, Paula feels Jason’s heart…and probably wants to rip it from his chest and hang it from her car mirror and Simon found it boring and not as good as last week.

Carly Smithson

Well, Carly has been cleaned up considerably since last week.  I almost didn’t recognize her.  Anyway, she’s singing “Come Together”.  Her take on the song is straight up rocker chick.  It almost works.  Honestly, I think that she does rocker chick MUCH better than Amanda ever could…mainly because she can sing loudly without screeching…which is something that Amanda absolutely can NOT do.  Anyway, it’s an okay version.  Nothing impressive about it…but I didn’t want to take a nap or anything during it.  So, I guess THAT’S good, right?

Randy calls Carly stellar, Paula calls her a star already and Simon thinks that she finally chose the right song.  Well, it’s about time, right?

Jason Cook

Someone REALLY needs to shave Jason’s head.  That comb-over…it’s just getting worse with each passing week.  So, David chooses to some sort of weird emo interpretation of my favorite Beatles song, “Eleanor Rigby”.   For the first time, I’m actually somewhat impressed with his vocals.  And his face manages to not bother me until the very end.  Overall, I think I like the weird emo version.  It’s not as bad as it could have been.  I still want David to go home though.  I just have a problem looking at him.

Randy uses the word “rock” a lot, Paula calls him a thoroughbred and Simon thought it was brilliant.  Ok.  So he was good.  Still, I can’t have a comb-over winning the show.  Shave his head and maybe we can talk.

Brooke White

Brooke seems to get more and more boring with each passing week.  With that said, I think she does a fantastic version of “Let It Be”.    Kinda boring…like her.  But vocally great.

Randy loves her heart-felt performance, Paula talks about her heart (watch out Brooke!) and Simon thought it was one of the best performances of the night.

David Hernandez

Interestingly enough, David mentions nothing about his stripper past in his pre-song interview.  No…just a pizza bistro.  Well, anyway, David does “I Saw Her Standing There”.  He does several very odd little runs across the stage…which I guess go along quite well with that odd eyebrow arch thing that he does.  His vocals do sound good…he can actually sing.  However, I think the song choice was a terrible one.  Absolutely bad.  And I can’t help but wonder…does that eyebrow arch work at the strip club…I mean, pizza bistro?

Randy felt lost during the entire song, Paula thinks that David overdid the song and Simon just says no.

Amanda Overmeyer

As usual, Amanda sounds like she has smoked 40 packs of cigarettes before going on stage.  I must say though, that he hair looks slightly better than it has in the past.  There seriously isn’t anything that Amanda can do at this point to make me like her.  Her song choice tonight…not good.  Seriously, she chooses an early Beatles song?  When they were all bubble gum pop sounding?  I really think a later Beatles song would have worked better for her.  Maybe.  But, honestly, I don’t even care.

Randy loves Amanda’s Southern rock take on the song, Paula throw out the “star” word once again and Simon doesn’t think that it was as good as last week and tells her that he couldn’t understand what she was saying.

Michael Johns

So, Michael performs “Across the Universe”, as performed by Rufus Wainwright.  Anyway, he does a great job of it.  For me, this is one of the more timeless Beatles songs and it works really well with Michael’s voice.

Randy thinks that something big should have happened in the song, Paula throws out some classic Paula-babble and Simon doesn’t think that Michale is living up to his potential.

Kristy Lee Cook

Gee, I completely forgot that she was still in this competition.  Hmmm.  Kristy looks entirely confused as to where she is tonight.  And thoroughly frightened to be there.  Apparently, the big stage is throwing her off.   She does a weird, rather flat sounding country version of “Eight Days a Week”.  Please, America.  Do us all a favor and don’t vote for Kristy Lee this week.

Randy develops a split personality over the song, with half of him liking it and the other half not, Paula didn’t like it at all and Simon thought it was horrendous.  Horrendous is right.  Dreadful performance.

David Archuleta

David gives his worst performance of the competition.  Poor kid forgets the words early on…and it clearly throws him off for the rest of the performance.  It doesn’t help any that the arrangement of “Work it Out” that he’s working with is…well, it’s just bad.  I hate to see such a good singer go down in flames…but that’s exactly what happened tonight.  Bad, bad performance.  And the poor kid knows it.

Randy doesn’t think that David worked it out, Paula agrees that it isn’t his best week and reminds him that remembering the lyrics is important and Simon calls it a mess.  I fear for my adopted son this week.  Please, America.  Keep David this week.  PLEASE!

And Then There Were 12…

So, Blake Lewis returns to American Idol for tonight’s results show to sing a quite unimpressive rendition of his latest single.  Meh.

And then we’re on to the eliminations.  What?  No, group number tonight?  Or did I just fast forward through it?  (I think that the DVR – the best invention EVER – was invented primarily to save people the pain of having to watch the AI results shows.)

So, we first lose Kady Lee.  Yeah.  No surprise there.

Next to get the axe…Luke Menard.  THANK YOU, American Idol gods!

For our third elimination, we get the long drawn out suspense treatment.  Will it be Asia’h?  Will it be Kristy?  Thankfully, we lose Asia’h.  Mainly because I’m just tired of typing her name.  Plus, whether or not her dad died, I never really thought she was that good to begin with.  She had some ok moments, but I honestly think that she didn’t deserve to make it to Hollywood.  Not that Kristy is all that much better.  But her day will come too.

For our final elimination, we’re almost out of time and it’s down to Danny “Spicy” Noriega and Chikezie.  Unfortunately, the good folks over at Vote for the Worst are going to be VERY disappointed tonight.  Little Danny Girl is going home.  I couldn’t be happier.  Is it aweful that I love how sad he is?  I’m such a cold hearted snake.  (Look into my eyes.)

And, did Ryan just have a memory lapse at during Danny’s elimination?  HE’S the most outrageous Idol performer?  Has his memory of last season been completely erased?  Ummm…hello?  Sanjaya!

So, ultimately, I am quite pleased with tonight’s results.  No one who deserved to stay went home.

(I must say that I did enjoy Danny Girl’s version of “Tainted Love” a bit more tonight than I did last night.  Although, my stomach does get queasy anytime he does that ridiculous hip thrust that he does.)

Savin’ All My Love For YOUUU!

Asia’h Epperson

So, Asia’h definitely has the horrid 80’s clothing down for this week’s theme.  Unfortunately, her singing is almost as bad.  Or maybe it’s not that bad…it’s just that…well, it’s the Whitney curse.  The only thing that Asia’h’s peformance does is remind me of how great Whitney’s version of this song is.  And just how much Asia’h sounds like she’s doing really bad karaoke.

Randy calls it hot, Paula rambles all over the place and says that she nailed it and Simon calls her second-rate Whitney Houston at best (which Asia’h mistakenly decides is a compliment.)  The ridiculous faux enthusiasm for bad things on this show is really starting to wear on my nerves.

Kady Malloy

Kady and Kristy are the SAME exact girl to me.  Just wanted to throw that out there.  So, Kady chooses perhaps one of the dreariest songs ever sang on American Idol.  I can’t quite make sense of her logic in choosing this downer.  Singing people into suicide is NOT the way to win a popularity contest, Kady.

Randy is surprised by her song choice and declares it pretty good, Paula thinks it was her best performance and Simon calls her a robot with no personality.  Hey…Carrie Underwood won…why can’t Kady?

Amanda Overmeyer

Amanda decides to really surprise us tonight by singing some Joan Jett.  Ok…so, that really wasn’t all that surprising, was it?  It would be nice to see Amanda attempt to transcend her Rocker Queen persona.  Just once, maybe?  Not that I think that would help her or anything.  In my book, this girl is just atrocious.  I have NO idea why she’s on this stage…it’s beyond me why anyone thinks she can actually sing.  I swear, sometimes I feel like everyone on this show is on some sort of drug that I’m not.

At this point, my DVR completely freaked out on me and kept on playing the same three seconds of Amanda singing over and over again.  Let me tell you…I could NOT handle that.  I had to do a reboot…and unfortunately missed the judges take on her.

Carly Smithson

So, Carly decides to take on one of my favorite Cyndi Lauper songs.  Celine Dion tried this as well…and I’ve never forgiven her for it.  Unfortunately, I think that Carly is actually attempting the Celine version of the song.  And, unfortunately for us, Carly is trying the Celine version.  Either that, or she’s trying to channel a banshee from her home country.  Blah.

Randy LOVED it, Paula, for one brief moment, appears to tell Carly that she’s singing (thanks Paula…didn’t know that) and Simon thinks that she made a bad song choice (and also points out that Carly is doing the awful Celine version of the song.)

Kristy Lee Cook

So, I really like the idea of what Kady…I mean, Kristy is attempting tonight.   A slightly country-rock version of Journey’s “Faithfully”…it’s a great idea, in theory.  Kristy…she doesn’t exactly pull if off though.  She does come close though.  She has a few off notes and, overall, I don’t think her voice is strong enough to really pull the song off.  Still, she’s not the worst.

Randy loves it and thinks it could be a hit for her, Paula says the same thing (and is full of positivity) and Simon still finds Kristy forgettable…even though he’s happy to hear something somewhat country coming from Kady Lee.

Ramiele Malubay

Ramiele manages a pretty good comeback from her mediocre 70’s week performance.  Although it’s a little on the boring side, her vocals are great…once again, she always impresses me with the fantastic control that she has over her voice.  And…well, that’s about it.

Randy liked the vocal, but not the performance…(I think), Paula…hell, you need a roadmap to follow Paula’s insane train of thought…and I’m pretty sure that such a map does NOT exist, while Simon calls Ramiele’s performance old-fashioned and predictable.

Brooke White

Brooke does a rather strange acoustic version of “Love is a Battlefield”…once that I’m pretty sure Pat Benatar does these days.  I don’t like it.  For me, there just isn’t enough substance to “Love is a Battlefield” to sing it acoustic.  It NEEDS the screaming guitars and what not.  Brooke is someone that I WANT to like…but I’m just not fully there yet.

Randy liked it, but doesn’t think she really brought anything new to it, Paula…well, Paula argues with Simon and Randy over whether or not she choreographed the video for “Love is a Battlefield” and Simon thinks she did a great performance.

Syesha Mercado

Syesha apparently read my blog last week…and granted my wish by singing a Whitney song. Normally, I don’t encourage such behavior on this show…it almost always ends in disaster…as witnessed by Asia’h’s earlier horrid version of “I Wanna Dance With Somebody”.  Syesha is no Whitney, but she comes the closest of any Idol than I can recall.  At the very least, she manages to outdo Asia’h by a long shot.

Randy says simply good, Paula says sophisticated and lovely and Simon says predictable, but good.

So, my guess for going home this week…Asia’h and…should be Amanda.  But, Amanda is safe…sadly.  Umm…maybe Kristy or Kady?  What do you think?

Don’t You Forget About Us

As was to be expected, this week’s Idol theme is the 80’s.  And anyone who knows me, knows that I LOVE the 80’s.  Therefore, I’m not sure whether I should be thrilled about this week…or terrified.

Luke Menard

So, the second that I hear the first few chords of Wham’s “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go”, I know that this is going to be a disaster.  And Luke does not disappoint as far as that goes.  Personally, I have no idea why you would choose this song to perform.  I love it…it’s cheesy 80’s at its best.  But it isn’t exactly a powerhouse 80’s song.  There are SO many other George Michael tunes that Luke could have chosen.  Anyway, his vocals, as usual, are mediocre at best.  His performance…instead of waking me up, put me to sleep.  Please, for the love of all that is holy, let Luke go this week.

Randy starts off his critique by asking if Luke had a good time.  This is Randyspeak for “I sure as hell didn’t have a good time.” Paula…Paula seems to have loved it…but who really knows?  Simon thought it was weak and girly and comes right out and tells Luke that he has no chance in hell of winning.  How true.

David Archuleta

Every week, I keep expecting David to really screw up.  And every week, David disappoints me.  Thank you, David.  His version of “Another Day in Paradise” is amazing.  Ten times better than Phil Collins.  And he even shows off a little bit of piano playing talent.  I’m not gonna lie.  I just want to adopt David.

Randy finds David’s kick-ass performance to be merely nice, Paula calls him perfect…kind of and Simon didn’t find it as good as last week’s performance.

Danny Noriega

Sigh.  So, just so everyone knows…Danny is the favorite male Idol over at VoteForTheWorst. I don’t know how much power that site really has…but their support is the only explination that I have for his continued presence in this contest.  His take on “Tainted Love”…it’s okay…as long as I don’t have to look at his bitchy little girl-face.  There really is nothing about this kid that I like.  Have I said that already?

Randy…I don’t know.  Randy seems to have liked it…but for all of the talking that he does about Danny’s performance, he doesn’t really say much.  Paula calls Danny the “bright light” in the competition and says that he has great vocals.  Clearly, Paula is high.  Or drunk.  Or both.  Simon, the lone voice of reason, calls it “useless” and says the he hated everything about it.

David Hernandez

Well, apparently David Hernandez’s most embarrassing moment DOESN’T involve the recent revelation that he is a former male stripper.   Anyway, David does a really good job of singing a song that wasn’t a hit in the 80’s…but rather the 90’s.  (“It’s All Coming Back to Me Now”was released as a single, performed by Pandora’s Box, in 1989.  It only got as far as 51 on the U.K. charts…I really think using this song for 80’s night is cheating in a MAJOR kind of way.)  The eyebrow raising during the song seems unnecessary…but I can let that slide.  Overall, it’s not his best…but I think it’s probably good enough to keep him around another week.

Randy once again harps on pitch problems, but liked the overall performance, Paula thinks that David has some of the best vocals in the contest (but is really wanting to see some of his other talents, I’m sure) and Simon thinks that David is safe for next week.

Michael Johns

Michael chooses to sing one of my favorite 80’s songs “Don’t You Forget About Me”.  This seems a rather odd song choice to me.  Because, even though I love this song, there really isn’t a whole lot to it.  Not exactly a song that you want to sing if you are, say…trying to impress a viewing audience with your singing talents.  Michael mostly yells throughout the song…but, really, what else is there for him to do?

Randy compares Michael to Michael Hutchence for the millionth time, Paula clearly wants to have Michael’s babies and Simon liked it, but didn’t love it.

David “Comb-Over” Cook

David is trying really hard to be this season’s Chris Daughtry.  Sadly, David is not even half as talented as Chris.  His song choice tonight…just freakin’ bizarre.  While I certainly appreciate the whole making the song his own thing…a rock version of “Hello”?  Seriously?  No…really.  Seriously?  Just for the record, David…no…it is NOT you who I am looking for.

Randy thought the emo take on Lionel Rtchie was brilliant, Paula thought it was fabulous and should be a hit and Simon  loved it.   Clearly, it was just me.

Jason Castro

So, once again…ok, technically this is an 80’s song.  It first appeared in 1984 on an album by Leonard Cohen.  But it didn’t really become popular until the 90’s.  I really think the contestants should have to choose songs that were on the charts during the 80’s…not just ones written during that decade.  Anyway, all of that being said, I think this is a good  performance from Jason. He does have some problems hitting the lower notes…and almost dies entirely at the very end.  But I still like it overall.

Randy gives Jason props, Paula talks and Simon found it absolutely brilliant.

Chikezie

What is up with these songs tonight?  Once again, we have a song that…although techincally from the 80’s, wasn’t a hit until the 90’s.  Ok, so it was 1990 to be exact.  But still, Whitney Houston’s version of “All the Man That I Need” is arguably the best known one.  Anyway, Chikezie changes up the words a bit, just to make sure that no one confuses him with Danny, and does a fairly decent vocal.  His performance overall is boring though.  Blah.

Randy thought it was really good, Paula loves it and Simon didn’t like it.

My bet on who is going this week?  I’d have to say Luke and possibly David Cook or David Hernandez.  Although, singing a song like “Don’t You Forget About Me” could seal Michael’s fate.  Sadly, I think that Danny is this season’s Sanjaya.  He’ll be around a bit longer to torture me.  Bitch.

70’s Week Results

So, not surprisingly, last week we lost four contestants who deserved to go…but weren’t the worst by far.  Jason and Robbie…certainly not favorites of mine…but not the weakest of the bunch.  And let me tell you…of all the girls, Asia’h Epperson and Kady Malloy certainly deserved to go more than Alexandrea and Alaina…although I’m not shedding any tears over them either.  So, far, so good though.  I haven’t felt like anyone who should be staying has gone home yet.  Will be interesting to see what this week brings.

Better Late Than Never…Top 10 Girls

So, last week was really hectic for me.  I was a day late posting the guys…and then never got around to the girls at all.  So, you know what I’m doing?  From an undisclosed location, I am watching the girls performances from last week on YouTube…just so that I can attempt to get the blog back to a somewhat updated status.  At this point, we all know who got kicked off last week…but…well, I just know that all three of you reading are dying to hear my take on things.  So, here we go!

Carly Smithson

Carly…I don’t really get all of the hype around Carly.  She’s not bad…but she doesn’t blow me out of the water either.  Her performance of “Crazy On You” was definitely not bad…it was actually kind of good really.  Still, she’s no Nancy Wilson.  I don’t know.  I have a feeling that she will most likely be around on the show for awhile…if nothing else, she’s one of the few girls who is actually somewhat memorable.  She’s one of the only ones whose name I can remember.

Randy liked the end of her performance, but thought she didn’t sound so great at the beginning, Paula refrained from making any crazy remarks about dismembering Carly and tells her that she’s amazing and Simon doesn’t think that Carly has chosen the right song yet…even though he thinks she’s the best singer of the bunch.

Syesha Mercado

Ok…Syesha has completely freaked me out with her baby cry imitation.  I’m not sure that I can even concentrate on her singing ever again now.  Talk about freaky.  Anyway, Syesha does a nice, smooth rendition of “Me and Mr. Jones”.  I like it.  Syesha…despite her creepy baby imitation, may be growing on me.  And, should we have an 80’s night this week, I would actually like to hear her give Whitney Houston a shot (even though I always advise against everyone doing that.)

Randy didn’t really like her performance because it didn’t show off her vocal talents, Paula liked it, even thought she blabbed on about…something.  And Simon, was altogether displeased.  Hell…I liked it.

Brooke White 

I’m not really sure what to think about Brooke.  I like her…but she seems to only really shine if she’s singing behind an instrument.  Not that she really did much with the guitar on her performance of “You’re So Vain”…but it really seemed to help her.  She sounded MUCH better this week than she did last week.  I found her vocals kind of week on the chorus part, but I enjoyed the rest of it.

Randy thinks Brooke is Carly Simon-ish, Paula agrees and Simon absolutely loved it.

Ramiele Malubay 

So, my favorite girl…she didn’t sound so hot on 70’s night, huh?  I don’t know…she has a powerful voice…but not quite enough to carry off “Don’t Leave Me This Way”.  I think a much better choice for her would have been “If I Can’t Have You”…but I always want SOMEONE to sing that song every year, don’t I?

Randy thought she was just ok, Paula agrees and Simon also agrees.  Well, good to see that we’re all on the same page here.

Kristy Lee Cook

Once again, we have a case of someone choosing a song that…well, maybe should be avoided.   A song called “You’re No Good”…well, it really does leave you open to some criticism, doesn’t it?  Kristy’s (or is it Kristy Lee’s?) version of this song just seemed entirely too restrained.  I didn’t really believe that she thought he was no good.  At best, I felt that she was slightly inconvenienced.

Randy gives her the Most Improved Award of the Week, Paula declares her to be back and Simon agrees that she’s also improved.

Amanda Overmeyer 

Oh heaven help me…I do not understand the appeal of the Bride of Frankenstein.  Not only does she manage to look absolutely TERRIFYING during 70’s week…but she completely slaughters a song that isn’t exactly a musical masterpiece to begin with (I love “Carry on My Wayward Son…but it’s a song that’s really more about the guitar than the vocals).  During the 2 and a half minutes of her performance, I kept on hoping that a sniper would pop out of the audience and take her out.

Randy tells her that it wasn’t the right song…and that it’s not a singer’s song (thank you, Randy for saying something that makes sense, for once) Paula the Dancer tells Amanda that she can dance…something that Amanda apparently doesn’t care for all that much…but that this wasn’t the right song for her and Simon calls her hair terrible and the song ugly.

Alaina Whitaker

Alaina gives a performance of “Hopelessly Devoted to You” that I’m pretty sure would make Olivia Newton-John spin in her grave…if she were dead, that is.  Parts of the song she just screams on…the rest…she reminds me a bit of a dying cat.  I don’t like Alaina.  Did you pick up on that?

Randy didn’t like it, Paula calls her young and mature all at once and says she did a good job and Simon calls it pageanty.

Alexandrea Lushington

Alexandre’s song choice for 70’s night is just odd.  Of all of the possible song choices from the 70’s, she picks a Chicago song?  Did anyone else find that weird?  Her vocals sounded rather weak until the very end…and, by then, I think it was a little too late.  Well, obviously…

Randy thinks that she made a safe, boring choice, Paula thinks that she made it her own and Simon didn’t think the song was her and also called it boring.

Kady Malloy

Kady proves to us that she really should leave the Heart covers to Carly.  And also, that she certainly is NOT magic.  Or a man.  I thought she was horrible.

Randy says that she never settled on the note (SO true!) Paula talks mostly about Kady’s hidden talents in a nice attempt to not talk about the disastrous song that she just sang and Simon says her performance didn’t go anywhere.

Asia’h Epperson

First, Asia’h annoys me by changing the lyrics of the song from “And making love was just for fun” to “even though the nights are young”.  If you are too embarrassed to sing the original lyrics…then please pick another song.  Second, she does a HORRIBLE job of it.  Absolutely the WORST performance of the season so far.  Bleh.  If she keeps on singing like that, she’s gonna be by herself.

Randy apparently was in a different universe than me and declares that she did a good job, Paula also thinks she did great and Simon brings reason to the judge’s table and tells her that she’s not good enough to sing that song.

Well, that’s that for the girls.  At this point, I think that they could just eliminate everyone except Ramiele, Brooke, Carly and Syesha from the competition.  Just let the four of them battle it out with the remaining guys.

The Boys Are Back in Town

Michael Johns

So, Michael chose to perform a Fleetwood Mac song.  And of all of the songs that he could have chosen, he picked “Go Your Own Way”.  Doesn’t Michael know that choosing songs like that tend to be the kiss of death for Idol contestants?  Tip to potential future American Idols: DON’T choose songs that have the theme of departure in them.  Michael’s version…well, it was just a little odd for me.  During parts of it, it seemed like he was attempting to channel Jim Morrison…or maybe Michael Hutchence.  Either way, it didn’t really work for me.  His singing was adequate…his performance was dull and weird.

Randy blabs all over the place and finally settles on liking it, Paula is just happy to be looking at Michael and Simon calls it weak several times – and, once again, I find myself agreeing with him.

Jason Castro

Castro is back this week with his guitar.  I’m starting to feel like he’s trying to show off…”Hey!  Look what I can do that no one else can!”  Anyway, he can totally do that because Jason remains one of my favorites.  It took me awhile to recognize what he was singing this week though.  His version of the Bee Gees “I Just Want to Be Your Everything” was different…it felt very boy band-ish to me.  But in a good way.  Anyway, what I’m saying is that I enjoyed it.

Randy calls it karaoke and makes a lot of Jason’s guitar playing, Paula calls Jason cute and says that she likes his arrangement (but to lose the guitar) and Simon found it horrible.

Luke Menard

I can’t lie…I’m ready for Luke to go.  I don’t care how he sounds.  I don’t care how perfect his teeth are.  He bores me.  His take on Killer Queen…well, it wasn’t the worst thing that I’ve ever heard.  Still, it was boring.  And, well…it takes talent to make a Queen song boring.

Randy thought it was pretty good, Paula cheerleads all over the place for Luke and Simon calls it a mistake…and boring (in so many words).

Robbie Carrico

So, Redneck J.T. likes drag racing.  Good for him.  Anyway, he sings “Hot Blooded” and…well, I don’t believe him.  Not at all.  Actually, after listening to his performance, I think that he may actually be cold blooded.  For a rocker guy, it really seems like he should be rocking out a bit more on this song than he is.

 
Randy tells Robbie that he was not wowed by his lack of rocker-ness, Paula thinks he played it safe and blabs on about knowing who he is and what not, while Simon thought that he was okay…which Robbie took to be a huge compliment.

 
Danny Noriega

Once again, I can’t lie.  I hate Danny Noriega.  Everything about this kid grates on my nerves.  His ridiculous come-hither looks that he gives when he sings.  His stupid puffy lips.  His hair.  His ridiculous emo-kid clothes.  Should I go on?  Oh yeah…his voice too.  Can’t stand his voice.  Please, oh please.  Let him go next.

Randy thinks that Danny thought too much during his performance, Paula agrees with Randy and Simon also agrees.  I’m glad that everyone is in agreement.

 

David Hernandez

David starts off his performance of “Papa Was a Rolling Stone” by making really weird faces.  In an attempt to be consistent…he maintains the weird faces throughout his performance.  As a result, I can’t really concentrate too much on his vocals…because his face is throwing me off. However, I’m pretty sure that I wasn’t impressed.

Randy loves it and calls it hot, Paula goes on about his amazing notes and his personality (was THAT what the weird faces were about?) and Simon declares it the best vocal of the night.  Maybe I was asleep or something.

Jason Yeager

So, Jason…yeah.  Jason smiled WAY too much during his performance and hammed it up to the camera entirely too much.  His vocal was ok…but his performance verged on ridiculous.  He can go too.

Randy didn’t get it, Paula tells him it was a bad song choice and Simon calls it ghastly and corny.

Chikezie

Chikezie tries to win me over by singing 70’s soul…and singing it well.  Damn you, Chikezie!  DAMN YOU!!  This is WORLDS of improvement over his horrid 60’s night performance.  He definitely wins my award for Most Improved.  And, actually, I think it’s one of the better performances of the night.

Randy proclaims Chikezie to be back, Paula thought it was brilliant and fun and Simon found it a million times better than last week.

David Cook

David Cook…you are going bald.  Having that horrible comb-over does not disguise this fact.  Please, for everyone’s sake, just shave your head, man.  As for his guitar playing…I’m pretty damn sure that he was just holding that thing for show.  Because the majority of those guitar sounds were NOT coming from the guitar that he had.  Anyway, his song…it was alright, now.  I am still disturbed by his Joker-like mouth.

Randy really liked it and proclaims David to be the real rocker of the bunch (what the hell??), Paula agrees with Randy and Simon declares David to be charisma-free.  David replies that he doesn’t have to win Simon over with his charisma, but rather the public.  David…I’m personally not seeing the charisma.

David Archuleta

David blows everyone else out of the water with his rendition of John Lennon’s “Imagine”.  It’s a slightly different take on the song than what I’ve heard before.  And I love it.   The control that he has over his voice is amazing.  At this point, I think that David is the one to beat.  Which, of course, means that he will be voted off this week.

Randy screams FIRE repeatedly, Paula says something completely disturbing about squishing his head off and putting it on her rear-view mirror (WHAT THE HELL??) and Simon says that David is the one to beat.

So, I’m really hoping that we lose Noriega this week.  Or Luke.  Or David Cook.  Hell, let’s just get rid of everyone except Michael, Jason, David A. and…well, we’ll let Chikezie hang around a little longer too.  Or we could just crown David A. the winner and just be done with it.

Technical Difficulties

Ok, not really technical difficulties.  There is no blog for today…because I was out last night celebrating a friends birthday.  So, I haven’t had a chance to watch the show yet.  I do hear, however, that there was at least one good performance…and I’m looking forward to seeing it.  The blog should return tonight…

And Then There Were 20…

So, I have no problem with the loss of Amy, Joanne and Garret.  Especially Garret.  He disturbed me to no end.  And while I wouldn’t say that I feel a real loss at Colton’s departure, I definitely think that he deserved more of a second chance than Cheesie Chikezie.

Here’s hoping that Chacuzzi goes next week.  And hopefully he can take Amanda with him.

Ladies Night

So, yeah.  Sadly, there will be no usual contestant by contestant recap here today.  Why?  Well, because I honestly didn’t make it through all of last night.  I tried.  I really did.  I intently listened to the first three performances…and instantly wished that I hadn’t wasted my time.  After that, I kind of half paid attention to bits and pieces of the rest.  Here’s the thing…I don’t think that I really like ANY of the girls this year.  Well, maybe one…two at the most.  To tell you the truth though, with only a few notable exceptions, they all seem to be the same girl to me.  They all have the same boring personality.  And the only one who has a truly distincitve voice is Amanda Overmyer.   And I absolutely, positively cannot stand!  I honestly don’t get why everyone is head over heels in love with her.  The judges love her.  Other bloggers love her.  To that, I say bleh.  Biker Nurse is getting no love from me.

A few notes about some other performances:

Asia’h Epperson – She was pretty decent.  A definite different take on a song that gets sung to death on this show.  I’m not wowed by her just yet…but I could warm to her over time.

Carly Smithson – Good voice.  Boring performance.  VERY boring performance.  I think she really sold herself short with that performance actually.

The one performance that I really did like…and from what I can tell, the only good one of the whole evening, was Ramiele Malubay’s.  I thought she did an amazing job…she showed fantastic control over her voice.  I love her.  At this point, I say just kick all of the other girls off and put Ramiele up against the 6 guys.

That’s my story.  And I’m sticking to it.

Until I come up with something better, at least.

Bring on the Singing!

Well, dear readers, after a month long absence, I have returned! You can all exhale now. I had entertained the idea of blogging about the final audition weeks and Hollywood Week…but that really isn’t my thing. My thing is blogging about the finalists…you know, deciding which ones can actually sing, which ones have serial killer potential…things like that. Which is why I am SO excited that we have finally reached Top 24 time! And, as Ryan Seacrest has mentioned 5 billion times already, the talent this year is really great! (Which I’m sure makes last season’s finalists feel real good…oh well, they were all a rather weak bunch.) So, without further ado, here is my take on the Top 12 Guys:

David Hernandez

I remember only half liking David during Hollywood week. Either David wasn’t signing up to his full potential then or I wasn’t paying attention. Because I definitely like him now. Well, I like his voice at least. I really enjoyed his version of Wilson Pickett’s In the Midnight Hour. He gave it a slight twist…made it his own. I think based soley on his vocals – he should stay. I’m not entirely wowed by his personality…but I think I’d like to see him around a little longer.

Randy says that he did a really good job but that he needs to watch his long notes, Paula declares his vocals brilliant and Simon proclaims it to be better than he thought it would be…one of Simon’s classic back-handed compliments.

Chikezie

I’m not gonna beat around the bush here. I don’t like Chikezie. He has a ridiculous name and I he’s not nearly as good as he thinks he is. He reminds me of a poor man’s Luther Vandross. His first few notes of his first Idol performance sounded less than stellar to me…but what do I know? Overall, I found his performance to be boring…a soul performance without the soul. I’m rooting for him to go this week.

Randy thinks it was pretty good and basically tells him that he has an old, stale sound (okay, not those words exactly…I’m paraphrasing), Paula loves Chikiezie and compares him to a communicable disease by declaring him infectious and Simon calls him Chacuzzi…then proclaims his suit, his wink, his woo and everything else hideous. I’m with Simon. Cheesie Chacuzzi has got to go.

David Cook

This guy was one of the few contestants who made it through auditions that I thought wasn’t worthy. He’s sounds rather breathy to me. His version of So Happy Together really didn’t do anything to change that for me. I mean, once he gets into the flow of the song, it’s not too bad. But once he slows down, he’s all breathy again. Plus, I really don’t like looking at his when he opens his mouth. It’s a little bit scary. To be honest, he reminds me a lot of Jack Nicholson playing the Joker in Batman. Seriously.

Randy says dude a lot and says it was crazy, Paula gushes all over him and Simon thought it was good.

 

Jason Yeager

The first thing that I have to say about Jason…well, it isn’t actually about him. It’s about his son. That kid…looks remarkably like a Vulcan. Ok…now that THAT’S out of the way… So, Jason…well, I think that he can sing. At least, I’m pretty sure that he can. I kind of fell asleep in the middle of his BORING song…of all the songs from the 1960’s that you could possibly choose, you choose Moon River? Really? Is this supposed to impress? Because, Jason, it didn’t impress me. But don’t worry…little Spock Jr. loved it, I’m sure.

Randy mentions pitch without using the word “pitchy”, Paula lets us know that she did her first ballet recital to the song…and gives us absolutely no criticism at all and Simon found it to be very “cruise ship”.

 

Robbie Carrico

Robbie looks like the dirty biker of Justin Timberlake. A very dirty version. In fact, I really would just like to take him out back and hose him down. Seriously. Wash your hair, Robbie. And get rid of the bandana. All of that being said, I like Robbie’s vocals. A lot. In fact, of the first four contestants, I like him the most. If we could just get him a bath and some new clothes…

Randy is moved by Robbie…awww, Paula calls him authentic and loves his look and Simon thinks that it was the only current sounding performance of the night to date.

David Archuleta

David is one of my favorites from Hollywood Week. I loved his version of Heaven…he has good vocals and a fantastic personality. However, he didn’t really blow me away tonight. I liked his performance okay…but I really think that tackling a Smokey Robinson song may be slightly out of his league. Still, I think he has what it takes to stay around for a bit longer.

Randy loved it, Paula found it to be a brave and bold choice and Simon declared it the best performance of the night so far. Hey…maybe I’m wrong.

 

Danny Noriega

Danny showed really great vocals during Hollywood Week…but something about him reminds me of Jasmine Trias. I can’t really explain that…just go with it. Anyway, I was NOT impressed with his rendition of Jailhouse Rock. He just seemed to be shouting. I really think it was a poor song choice for him. I would definitely like to see him around a bit longer, but it wouldn’t surprise me if he’s eliminated this week.

Randy seemed to like his performance much better than his vocals, Paula rambled on and on…something about colors…I don’t know. Simon didn’t understand anything that Paula said and thought that Danny’s performance was verging on grotesque. The judges then spent a ridiculous amount of time arguing amongst each other.

Luke Menard

Luke looks like the lovechild of James Van Der Beek and Luke Perry to me. Weird, I know. Anyway, I think Luke may be our prerequisite good-looking-guy-who-can-only-kind-of-sing. You know…we have to have one every season. Last season, it was Chris. Before that it was Ace. I think. Anyway, Luke is kind of forgettable. If I heard him singing on the radio, I’d probably change the channel.

Randy didn’t find it great (he found it pitchy actually), Paula didn’t find the song to be a good choice for him and Simon agrees with me and declared it forgettable.

 

Colton Berry

Oddly enough, Colton is right on the money when he declares that he looks like Ellen DeGeneres from all angles. Because, he really does. Tonight, he sings my favorite Elvis song..Suspicious Minds. While he does a MUCH better job with Elvis than Danny did, it still isn’t great. I think the performance was missing something…I can’t quite place my finger on what. I think he would have been better of singing something by the Monkees, maybe. More fitting with his personality.

Randy found Colton’s performance pretty good, Paula enjoyed seeing a different side of Colton and Simon thought that it was ok.

 

Garret Haley

This kid creeps me out. He gets me Possible Serial Killer Award for this season. I find it kind of hard to believe that he managed to make it into the top 24. I’m over him. Next.

Randy says that he didn’t do anything with the song (true dat, dawg!), Paula thinks that he needs to speed things up and Simon found him boring, whiny and a little creepy looking. (Ok, he didn’t say creepy exactly…but that’s what he was going for.)

 

Jason Castro

Jason looks like Lance Bass with dreds to me. I like his voice a lot…I loved his performance tonight. I even found it be toe tapping. Yes, I was tapping my toes. He has a very Ben Harper/Jack Johnson/early John Mayer thing going on. I would be shocked to see him go home this week.

Randy wasn’t blown away, but thought it was alright, Paula, however, was blown away and Simon thought it was in the top two performances of the night.

 

Michael Johns

Michael is another one of my favorites from Hollywood Week. I’m not so sure how I feel about his performance of Light My Fire though. It seemed a bit screechy to me. The whole time I was listening to him, I was just comparing him to Jim Morrison. And he fell a short. Still, I want to see more from him.

Randy loved it and compares him to Michael Hutchence, Paula also loved it and Simon thought that he was good with the charisma of a lead singer.

 

So, I’m thinking that Robbie Carrico, David Archuleta, Danny Noriega, Colton Berry, Jason Castro and Michael Johns will be the top six men (with David and Jason being my favs…I may stop watching entirely if they are eliminated this week. I’m just sayin’…)

 

Dateline: Dallas

So, yeah.  There were auditions in Dallas.  24 people made it…at least two of those shouldn’t have.  I really don’t have much else to add, sadly.  As usual, I’m already ready for the auditions to be over.

In happier news, it appears to be snowing right now.  Here’s hoping to a day off from work tomorrow!

Philadelphia Freedom

Well, it’s time for yet another season of American Idol. Which, I suppose, means it’s time for yet another edition of Idol On My Mind. To tell you the truth, I wasn’t going to do it this year. My life has become quite a bit busier than it once was and I wasn’t sure that I would be able to devote the proper amount of time to it. But, I’ve had inquiries about it…and who am I to let me adoring fans down? So, for all four of you readers out there…I am back!

Now, normally, I don’t like to write about the auditions. They’re kind of difficult to write about in many ways. I mean, there are just so many people…and half the time, I don’t even pay attention to their names. I guess I could try to…but I just don’t want to get emotionally involved if they aren’t going to be around for a while, ya know? Anyway, last night’s auditions…well, they seemed to be better than the ENTIRE audition process from last year. And, by that, I mean that they actually appear to have a few people who can sing this year. The former fat kid and the girl who has never seen an R rated movie come to mind. (Although, that’s probably only because they were the first and last people shown.) As for the freaks…well, they were out aplenty. Notable among them:

Alexis – The girl who dresses like the 80’s threw up on her and thinks that she sounds like Janis Joplin and/or Grace Slick. Clearly, this young woman needs some major meds. Right away. To be completely honest, I think that with some training, she probably could be a half decent singer…but she’s still batshit crazy.

Christina – Princess Leia, she ain’t. She actually looks strikingly similar to the character played by Missy Pyle in Dodgeball. What do you think?

Temptress – Okay. She was really a sweet girl. She had a fantastic sob story that made me slightly weepy. (Ok. It didn’t really. But it could have.) But, the girl can’t sing at all. Not even a little. And who the hell names their child Temptress anyway?? Also, is it just me or does it  seem that someone has told the judges to be a lot nicer this year than they were last year. Group hug for Temptress? Just odd. (Although, Simon was noticeably absent from said group hug. Not surprisingly.)

James – James works as a historical interpreter at some historic site in Philadelphia. His co-workers encouraged him to audition for Idol. Either his co-workers are all deaf or they hate him. Either way, I’m surprised that we haven’t heard about a massive slaughter of historical interpreters in the City of Brotherly Love by now, as James seems like he could be slightly unstable. I mean, the sound that came out of his mouth…how could ANYONE seriously believe that to be even slightly appealing? My cat ran under the bed when she heard it.

Paul – Paul apparently wants to stalk Paula and do all kind of inappropriate things to her…including breaking into her house and wearing her underwear. Why he was allowed to continue singing for as long as he did is kind of baffling to me. Also baffling to me…Paula actually seemed to enjoy the whole thing.

Well, that’s about all that I have to say about the Philly auditions. I’m really hoping that this season will turn out to be less of a dud than last season was. Here’s to wishful thinking!

The End of the Road Part 2

Well, lots of people sang and then Jordin won.  Really…does any more need to be said?  But then again, Blake is just as much a winner.  He’ll have an album…it will be big.   Same for Jordin.

Thanks to all of my readers this season.  I really appreciate you all taking the time to enjoy American Idol with me.

And a special thanks to Linda the Librarian for hosting a spectacular AI party at her home.  It was great…everyone had a fantastic time!

See everyone next season!

The End of the Road Part I

So, all of the judges are dressed like…well, rather strangely… tonight.  I’m not sure why that is…

And then we have Paula “I-Tripped-Over-My-Dog-And-Broke-My-Nose” Abdul.  Now, is anyone really buying this story?  Come on.  True, Paula hasn’t been visibly inebriated on the show as in past years…but, still.

Anyway, on to the singers…

Blake Lewis – So, I really have nothing new to add to Blake’s performance of “You Give Love a Bad Name” tonight.  Still like the vocals…still hate the rest.  Wait…I take it back.  I do have one thing to add…I actually think his vocals on this song were better than the first time he performed it.  I think the beatboxing…well, you know what I think about that.

Randy loved the beatboxing, but thought the singing was just alright, Paula thought he was off the scale (that was my interpretation of what she said) and Simon declared Blake to not be the best singer, but the best performer in the competition.

Jordin Sparks – Jordin decided to go with a more contemporary song for her opener this week…certainly in an attempt to placate Simon after he chastised her last week for performing a 60 year old song.  I think “Fighter” works well with Jordin’s vocals.  She’s no Christina Aguilera…thank God.  I liked it.

Sgt. Pepper found her voice stellar, Drunky McGee also proclaimed her stellar (as well as awesome) and Simon, predictably, liked her choice of a younger song, but found her vocals to be a bit shrieky in the middle.

Blake Lewis – Blake’s performance of Maroon 5 in the past has benefited him extremely well.  It’s really a great style for him.  Tonight is no exception.  His performance of “She Will Be Loved” sounded nearly as good as the original to me.

Randy found it to be very nice, man, very nice, Paula thought he sounded great and relaxed (and I think she should know what relaxed sounds like, as I speculate that she is currently on some medication that is having a relaxing effect on HER) and Simon found it to not be as good as the first performance and finds it a poor choice to be a final song choice.

Jordin Sparks – Jordin decided to revisit “A Broken Wing” for her second performance.  I could be wrong, but I don’t remember it sounding this country the first time (the music, not her vocals).  She sounds great as ever…although I do worry that the song may be a bit too safe for her.  For the first time ever, I’m starting to worry that she may not win the season.  Why?  Oh, I don’t know.  Just because…

Randy proclaims it flawless, unbelievable and a whole bunch of other things, Paula calls her really great and Simon says it was good…but in such a was as to make it sound much better than I just did.

Blake Lewis – Blake has the misfortune of being the first one to sing the standard crappy American Idol song.  These songs are always horrible…it almost seems like punishment to me.  You won American Idol!  Congratulations!  Now you must record this absolutely, heinous, sappy song!  Knowing who wrote it this year…yeah, it doesn’t make me like it anymore.  I think Blake did the best that he could with what he was given.

Randy agrees with me for once, saying that he did a pretty good job with it, Paula thinks he did a great job and Simon found it to be a little odd.

Jordin Sparks – Lucky us…we get to hear the crappy AI song twice!  Oh joy!  Well, the song does sound a bit less crappy coming from Jordin…the tender, sentimental crappiness workes better with her vocal styling.  I still don’t like it any better…but it seems less awkward.  Based solely on the fact that the winner has to record this mess, Jordin should win.  Blake clearly can’t pull it off.  And, in the end, if Jordin did win…well, I think Blake would be the real winner…just because he wouldn’t ever have to sing this twaddle again.

Randy, who seems to actually believe that American Idol IS a singing competition (silly Randy) declares that Jordin deserves it all and that SHE is what it’s about, Paula babbles and Simon says that she wiped the floor with Blake on the crappy song…crying and all.  (I love you Jordin!)

Considering that both Blake and Jordin are absolutely going to get recording contracts out of this show, does it really matter who wins??  Personally, I think that Jordin will…just because, once again, Blake cannot possibly be expected to record that “This Is My Now” song.

And Then There Were Two…

Well, before I discuss tonight’s results that have knocked us down to the final two contestants, I must first discuss…Elliot Yamin.

Last season, Elliot was one of my favorite contestants…to make fun of.  He always had that serial killer look when he performed.  You know, that crazed, I’m comin’ to get ya look…kinda like Phil from this season.  So, apparently, Elliot has managed to get the crazed killer look under control…by keeping his psycho eyes closed during his whole performance.  Okay, Elliot…is this really any better?  Now, instead of looking like a crazy killer, you now look like a blind man when you perform.  Ok.  Whatever works for ya Elliot.  Personally, I’m not even sure why he was on Idol tonight.  Does anyone really care??

So, the results.  Well, it’s a bittersweet night.  Melinda has left the stage for good.  You know, last night’s show was so good…it was hard to imagine who would be going home.  I hate that it’s Melinda…she surely sang her best.  But, then again, Blake was pretty good too.

Anyway, I have no doubt that Melinda will go far anyway.  She’ll have an album…hopefully, she’ll do some of her Tina stuff on it and I’ll buy it.

So, I guess this just ensures Jordin’s win…

THIS IS american idol…

So, here’s how it works tonight…we have three songs for each of the remaining three contestants. One song will be picked from the judges, one from the producers and one from the contestants. And now…on to the singing:

Jordin – Simon’s choice for Jordin is Wishin’ On a Star…a smooth, mellow jam if ever there was one. Jordin, in my humble opinion, sings the hell out of this song…and takes me back to my swingin’ 70’s days…you know, the disco ball, the bell bottoms, the smooth, groovin’ tunes…ahhh, memories. Oh wait. That’s right. I was 2 when this song came out. Ooops. I loved Jordin’s version nonetheless.

Randy tells us that Jordin is hot and sounding like a little like Beyonce, Paula tells Jordin that her performance was a great way to start the show and Simon had no fault with Jordin’s vocals, even though he didn’t really like her performance, due to the arrangement.

Blake Lewis – Paula chose The Police classic, Roxanne for Blake. Roxanne has never really been one of my favorite songs (although I must admit that every time I hear Sting sing it live, it has me up on my feet.) Anyway, I think Blake did a really great job with this song. He took the judges advice from last week and decided to just sing for once. The song really suits his voice well…as does that vocal echo effect that they have going on with Blake.

Randy gives Blake and A and calls it hot, Paula says that Blake did her proud and that she really loved it and Simon found it good, but not great and not as good as the original. Well, DUH!

Melinda Doolittle – Randy picks a Whitney Houston for Melinda…and, quite frankly, I think Melinda is the only contestant this year who can come close to handling a Whitney song. Luckily, Randy didn’t pick one of Whitney’s really classic songs…yes, this song is known…but it’s one of those songs from right before Whitney’s decline. And, in my opinion, that makes it a bit easier for Melinda to tackle. And I don’t care if you follow my logic on that one or not. Anyway, I think that Melinda did a fairly good job. She was no Whitney Houston, but was still good nonetheless. I still prefer my Melinda to be rockin’ out though.

Randy says it was hot and she blew it out tha’ box, Paula declares her amazing and that it was one of her best performances of the season and Simon thinks it was her best performance in the last four weeks. Simon then declares her the winner of round one. I, personally, declare her second place and Jordin the winner of round one. That is my word and the word was good.

Jordin Sparks – So, the producers, in an obvious attempt at outright cruelty, chose “She Works Hard for the Money” by Donna Summer for Jordin’s second song. Clearly, the producers hate Jordin. I think Jordin gave this song all that she had. But, honestly, I didn’t like it. The arrangement was horribly hokey sounding. And, even though her vocals were good, the song was just…weird. And quite frankly, it’s just a weird song to pick for this show.

Randy says that it was hot and that it doesn’t really matter what song she does, Paula thought she was fantastic and Simon didn’t like the arrangement but liked her singing.

Blake Lewis – Clearly, the producers like Blake a bit more than Jordin. They picked “This Love” by Maroon 5 for him to sing. It’s a song that’s right up his alley…VERY Blake-like. He does another good job…although he does decide to bring some slight beatboxing back on this one. But, I’ll allow it this time. It’s not distracting from his performance overall…and it’s was just a little bit.

Randy thinks it was very nicely done and it’s the kind of song that he should do on his album, Paula found him to be totally in his element and Simon thought that he sounded very comfortable and proclaims the performance to be good.

Melinda Doolittle – The producers, taking a cue from all of the Tina reference’s this season, picked “Nut Bush City Limits” for Melinda. This is actually the only Tina Turner song ever actually written by Tina Turner. And, of course, this is the Melinda that I really like…Rocker Melinda. I have a feeling, however, that a number of my regualr readers will not be fans of this performance. And that’s okay. I loved it. Although I really would have loved “Honky Tonk Woman” or “Proud Mary” even more. But I’ll take what I can get.

Randy tells Melinda that’s she’s great and stellar and that she should have this kind of song on her album (I AGREE!!), Paula says that “We love you, we love you and we love you” and Simon says that he loves that side of Melinda and that this performance was brilliant.

Jordin Sparks – Jordin, for some odd reason, chooses to sing “I Who Have Nothing” again. Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely LOVE this song by Jordin. And I was glad to hear it again. But I think that it would have been nice to hear something else from her. Like, maybe…”If I Can’t Have You?” haha

Randy thinks it was her best performance of the night, Paula thinks she sounded really great and Simon, even though he thought she sounded very well, hated the fact that she was singing such an old fashioned song.

Blake Lewis – Well, surprise, surprise. Blake decides to sing Robin Thicke’s first song. And who introduced the lovely readers of this blog to this song a few weeks ago? Why, that would be me. (Who else would it be? It’s my blog.) Anyway, I think this song works really well for Blake. I like Mr. Thicke’s version better…mainly because it’s a little dirty…and ya can’t have that on American Idol. But, still…Blake did a really good job this evening.

Randy found it just aiight, Paula thinks that he had three great performances and Simon REALLY liked it…which is a high compliment coming from Simon.

Melinda Doolittle – For her final performance, Melinda decided to go bluesy/rock again…and I love her for that. And I totally believed that she was a W-O-M-A-N. She was great. I love Melinda. Oh, wait? Did I say that already?

Randy thinks that she could sing the phone book…whatever, WHATEVER!, Paula says that she’s in the spotlight and she’s fantastic and Simon says that she is the most consistent deliverer of the whole contest.

So, overall, I think this was a really strong night for the Idols. Which makes elimination really tricky to predict at this point. Honestly, I think they should all stay. But, realistically, someone has to go home. My pick would be Blake. Although, it could be Melinda. Or even Jordin.

Oh, hell. I have no idea.

Not Stayin’ Alive

So, tonight’s elimination was such a non-event to me that I almost forgot to blog about it!  So, LaKisha is gone.  Oh well.  Three divas was two too many.  It will be interesting now to see if Blake can resist the beatboxing next week or not.  Personally, I think he’s gone next week either way.  I mean, Melinda or Jordin would have to absolutely bomb both of their performances for Blake to stay.  Still, stranger things have happened on Idol.  This season really hasn’t thrown out too many surprises so far…

You Should Be Dancing…No, Really. You Should Be.

So, the music of Barry Gibb, huh?  Tonight’s theme makes me more excited than someone my age should be.  Clearly, I was born in the wrong decade.

So, on to the contestants:

Melinda Doolittle – I’ve never heard the original version of Melinda’s first song, but I can tell from the rhythm alone that it was a Bee Gees song.  Unfortunately, I found it kind of boring.  Melinda’s vocals sounded great…as always.   But the performance…I think I feel asleep a little.  I was not wowed.

Randy thought it was good, Paula danced around the fact that the performance was pretty boring, without ever actually saying it and Simon told Melinda that she didn’t sound like a star tonight.

Blake Lewis – So, Blake decided to “Blake-ify” one of my favorite Bee Gees songs.  It worked much better with this song than it did with the Bon Jovi song last week.  Still, and I know that I am in the minority on this, I’m over Blake.  I’m tired of the vocal antics…I’m ready for him to go home.

Randy didn’t thought the beatboxing made the song corny  tonight (umm…that would be my feeling about every beatboxed Blake song), Paula came close to actual criticism by saying that the song was a little pitchy and that he didn’t have the best night with this song and Simon thought that it was absolutely terrible.

LaKisha Jones – When I first heard that LaKisha was going to sing “Stayin’ Alive”, I thought…what the hell?  Then she sang it.  And I still thought…what the hell?  I didn’t like it…at all.  There wasn’t anything wrong with her vocals…it was just the…I don’t know.  It was just weird.  I think this song is a bit too iconic to try to change around.  It did not work for me.  At all.

Randy thought the song didn’t need to be changed as much as it was and that it just didn’t work (and for once, I totally agree with Randy), Paula also didn’t like the changes and Simon thought that her performance was not great and slightly scary.

Jordin Sparks – I fully expected Jordin to make a fantastic comeback this week.  And even though she had a bit of a rough start, I think she did manage her comeback.  This was a perfect song choice for her…actually, I think that she could do justice to nearly to any Barry Gibb song.

Randy declared Jordin’s performance to be the best so far tonight (which isn’t really a compliment at this stage), Paula agreed with Randy and Simon said that it was the best so far…I’m assuming that he was speaking of tonight as well.

Melinda Doolittle – Melinda reached deep down into her self for this second song and managed to pull out a little bit of Gladys Knight…and a bit of Dionne Warwick too.  She sounded great…the performance was much better than the first.  Still, I think the song was a bit too slow…not boring…just slow.  I think that songs that are a bit more upbeat really help at this stage in the game.  Witness the audience going nuts near the end of the song when she got more upbeat and really showed off her vocal prowess.  Right now, the whole song needs to be at that level.

Randy loved Melinda’s second song, Paula loved her vocal but thought that she needed a bit more performance and Simon thinks that the second half of her performance had but her in the semi-finals.

Blake Lewis – Okay, I would just like to state for the record that I am really wowed by Blake and his vocal acrobats.  I don’t understand how he does it.  I think he may be possessed by the devil.  I don’t know.  Anyway, no matter how much I am impressed by what he can do with his voice…I really would just prefer that he sing.  He managed to do a bit more of that on his second song tonight…and I enjoyed it much more…even though I had never heard the song before.

Randy reminded Blake that he doesn’t need to always beatbox because it gets old after awhile, Paula disagreed, saying that it never gets old and Simon says he doesn’t know why Blake chose the song, that it was bizarre and that it was a bad night for him.  I agree.

LaKisha Jones – I  liked LaKisha’s second performance tonight.  She kinda fizzled out at the end and did get a little shouty (yes, I said shouty) but I think it was pretty decent.  And that’s really all I have to say about it.

Randy thought it was better than the first, Paula told her not to beat herself up over the ending note and Simon said it was better than the first, but that she was vulnerable tonight.

Jordin Sparks – Well, when Barry Gibb says that you are destined to become one of the great female vocalists…gee, what a compliment!  I have to agree with Barry.  Jordin has been great this season.  She has had bad moments…but those were largely due to poor song choices.  Tonight, she chose wisely…even though she didn’t sing the one song that I wanted her to sing (If I Can’t Have You from the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack).  I thought that her rendition of “Woman in Love” was splendid.

Randy didn’t think it was her best and then babbled on about Barry Gibb, Paula apparently didn’t like it and Simon thought it was old fashioned and pagenty.  Well, I liked it.

Someone, some year on this show has GOT to sing “If I Can’t Have You”.  I mean, every year, there is some sort of disco themed night and no one has yet to sing this song.  Someone…PLEASE…sing it for me.

Okay, with that said, I think Jordin is safe tonight.  And probably Melinda too.  But, Blake and LaKisha…I think they have reason to be worried this week.

Take Your Steel Horse and Ride On Out of Here in a Blaze of Glory

American Idol just gets more bizarre to me the longer it’s on the air.  So, last week, we had the weird foray into charity work…which, although definitely a good thing, is still…well, it’s just not American Idol-like.  I really hope that every year after this doesn’t turn into a telethon midway through the season.  For some odd reason, the producers decided to give us lots of clips from last week again tonight.  I don’t know why…I fast forwarded through it all.

Then, for some strange reason, we had Robin Thicke on the show tonight.  Robin is currently topping the R&B charts…so why he’s on the same night as Bon Jovi, I have no idea.  Once upon a time, I was a big fan of Robin Thicke…back then, he just went by the name Thicke and had really long hair.  Check out on of his early videos:

Anyway, the most important thing that you should know about Robin Thicke is that he is the son of Alan Thicke.  Alan Thicke, of course, played Jason Seaver on Growing Pains.  And he also co-wrote The Facts of Life theme song.

Anyway, as I mentioned, Bon Jovi also made an appearance tonight.  I watched the whole thing out of respect for several of my readers.  And he wasn’t half bad.

Then, we have the results.  Not surprisingly, Phil and Chris went home.  Now, even though that picture with Blake and Chris that I posted here a few weeks ago was clearly fake, I was definitely feeling the love between the two tonight.  I think maybe there is something there.

Anyway, I’m quite pleased with the results tonight.  I think the right people went.  At this point, even though I really want Jordin to win, I would be okay with any of the remaining four winning the title.  Even though I would really prefer it to be either Jordin or Melinda and NOT LaKisha.

So, next week’s theme is Boogie Sounds with Barry Gibb??  Well, THAT ought to be interesting.  My eardrums are already starting to bleed in anticipation.

You Give These Songs a Bad Name

So, unlike certain members of the readership of this blog, I wasn’t overly excited about Bon Jovi night.  Not because I have anything against Mr. Jon Bon Jovi or anything.  Not at all.  I think Bon Jovi is…well, they rock.  I love ‘em.  But the idea of a Bon Jovi theme night…well, in addition to seeming a bit odd, just seemed like a bad idea to me.  And, for the most part, I think that tonight’s performances proved me right.

Phil Stacey – I’m not sure that singing a song with the lyrics “I’m going down in blaze of glory” is the best song to sing in a competition where those lyrics may come true.  I didn’t think Phil’s performance was horrible…but it did pale in comparison to the original.  It’s weird, because I thought that Phil’s vocals actually sounded good…I just think they would have sounded better singing another song.  I must say that I never really appreciated how strong Jon Bon Jovi’s voice was until tonight.  Phil made me realize that.  Still, all in all, I think his performance was…well, okay.  Except for his goofy stage gestures.  Those have got to go.

Randy manages to annoy me within seconds of him opening his mouth tonight (I actually recorded that song for Jon Bon Jovi…dawg!  Who cares, Randy?), Paula declares it to be the best opening song all season long and Simon thought it was okay but lacking in authenticity.  Yup.  I agree Simon.

Jordin Sparks – So, Jordin decides to sing “Livin’ on a Prayer”.  Hmmm.  I was really hoping that she would go for “I’ll Be There for You”.  She could have torn that one up.  Apparently, Jon agreed with me – he really seemed not sure about Jordin with this song.  The end result?  Well, it wasn’t terrible.  I mean, Jordin IS singing it….I can’t be all bad.  Still, it was a bit flat in a few places.  Overall though, I think it sounded decent.  I wouldn’t want to buy it as a single or anything…but it wasn’t a disaster.  My favorite thing though?  Jordin still seemed to enjoy herself..both during the performance and after.  And I personally LOVED her crazy hair.

Randy…oh, who the hell cares what Randy said?…Paula gives Jordin credit for singing something out of her range and Simon didn’t like her look at all and thought the singing was on the verge of out of control and…in the end…terrible.

LaKisha Jones – So, LaKisha has either been taking happy pills or actually listening to the advice floating out there about throwing out a bit more personality.  She was…well, she was a bit nutty tonight.  And I liked it.  I’ve never heard this song before…I prefer my Bon Jovi to be of the classic variety.  However, I thought LaKisha sounded pretty gosh darn good tonight.  She has reminded me why I liked her in the first place.  And, well, she brought out the goofy personality.  Okay, yeah, she seemed a little bit out of control on some parts of the song, but it worked.

Randy…blah, blah, blah, Paula proclaims that LaKisha gave everyone a little “somethin’ somethin’” and Simon decides that LaKisha was so good that he needed to make out with her.  Okay, well, it was just a kiss.  But still… can you imagine what would happen if Paula kissed one of the boys?

Blake Lewis – Okay…so, this song would really have worked for me if Blake had just freakin’ sang!   The beat box…not working for me at all.  I certainly appreciate the risky nature of it and what not…but it was just silly.  Especially the beginning with the fake record.  If this was the 80’s…I’m sure that it would be cool.  But it’s not working for me at all, Blake.  I do like the new dark hair though.

Randy declares it to be hot, Paula thought it was amazing and Simon thinks it was a risk and very brave of Blake to do.

Chris Richardson – I have officially reached the point of being utterly fed up with Chris’ presence on this show.  It’s my Ace moment from last year.  Pretty Face…please go home.  After Chris Daughtry made this song his own last year…well to have someone as weak vocally as Chris to attempt “Wanted Dead or Alive”…just not working for me.  I would like to get off the Nasal Express now if that’s okay with everyone.

Randy said some stuff, Paula didn’t really say much about Chris at all and Simon, clearly was not amused, saying that this was clearly not Chris’ style of music.

Melinda Doolittle – Well, Melinda continues to please.  And apparently, she continues to surprise herself.  Despite numerous comparisons to Tina Turner, Melinda doesn’t seem to understand that she really has a bluesy, rock thing going on.  Maybe it’s really not her comfort area…although I don’t find that to be obvious in her performance.  I think that Melinda’s performance was the best all night….by a long shot.

Randy declared it be hot, even though he didn’t think it was her best, Paula calls her a rock star and Simon thinks she sounded like a young Tina Turner and that she was vocally in a different league than anyone else tonight.

Oh, and let’s not forget the special appearance by the Prez and the First Lady…offering thanks for the money raised last week and horrible attempts at comedy.  Blegh.

So, this week, we’re losing two.  My guess?  The three boys are all candidates for those two slots.

A Very Special American Idol Part 2

So, we’re back with night two of A Very Special American Idol.  Folks, let me tell you…the idea of a 2 hour long results show…agonizing for me.  Totally, utterly agonizing.  Once again, thank goodness for the DVR.  So, I fast forwarded through most of the show tonight.  I did catch a few highlights though.  Among them:

Ellen DeGeneres:  I love Ellen…even when she’s doing goofy hosting duties for A Very Special American Idol.

Earth, Wind and Fire – All I can say about them…Philip Bailey has definitely seen better days.

Jack Black – I only caught the tail end of Jack’s performance, but it seemed pretty funny.  I especially liked Paula’s critique of “The School of Rock called and they want their diploma back.”  And then, of course, Seal made a special guest appearance.  I love Seal.

Carrie Underwood – The sight of Carrie Underwood singing “I’ll Stand By You” to African AIDS orphans just seems…well, bizarre to me.  Really bizarre.

The Stars Telling Us How Many Funerals They’ve Attended – So, celebrities apparently don’t go to many funerals.  I guess it’s just not the thing to do when you’re famous.  Maybe it’s just because my family is old…maybe it’s because I’m from the South…but I think I’ve been to more funerals than all of the stars shown combined.  I mean, Julia Roberts has only been to 2 funerals in her ENTIRE life?? Really?  I can think of 10 funerals that I’ve been to…and I know that’s a fairly low number.  I guess I must just like funerals…or something.

Kelly Clarkson – I love Kelly Clarkson.  Can I vote for her to be American Idol again?

Celine Deon and Elvis – I don’t even know where to go with that one.  Shit like that should be illegal.  Elvis Presley really should have some say with whether or not he wants to sing with the French Canadian Waif.  Just disturbing.  Elvis’ estate should be shot for allowing that.  All of them.

Madonna – I applaud Madonna for her work with African AIDS orphans.  Despite what many people may think about her, Madonna was speaking out about the AIDS epidemic LONG before it was fashionable for celebrities to do so…and in a time when it was actually a bit risky to do so.  However, I can’t help but feel that when she hugs that cute little African child, that she’s really thinking “Mmmm…this one will make a nice snack for later.”  I mean, that’s just the look she had on her face.

Annie Lennox – I LOVE Annie Lennox.  (I do say that a lot about a lot of different singers, don’t I?)  I think Annie is amazing.  I’ve had the privilege of seeing her live along with Sting.  Talk about an excited person…definitely one of the highlights of my life so far.

And then, the really big surprise…no one is eliminated this week!  Quite frankly, I’m really glad they did that.  Because, really…how can you eliminate someone on a warm, fuzzy night?  Especially one that has Bono being all warm and fuzzy?

Until next week…

This Week, On a Very Special American Idol…

So, American Idol is giving back this week.  Forgive me while I try to keep my inner cynic from jumping out.  Don’t get me wrong…I think the idea of giving to the poor is admirable and definitely something worthwhile.  However, a Very Special American Idol just seems…insincere?  I don’t know. All of the scenes with Ryan in Africa especially seemed so…well, fake.  I mean, I’m sure that Ryan Seacrest really does care about the plight of the poor African children…only a monster could go there and not care.  But, it seems to me that Ryan has a hard time switching out of Host Mode and into Normal Human Mode.  Who knows?  Maybe that’s the only mode that he has left anymore.  The scenes with Simon at Second Harvest in L.A. on the other hand, moved me to tears.  I kid you not.  Simon seemed genuinely moved…maybe Ryan could take some pointers from him.  Plus, Second Harvest will always have a special place in my heart…I helped to start a Food for Fines program at my former place of work that benefited Second Harvest in my area…and Idol On My Mind reader, Linda the Librarian, continues it today (with some assistance from IOMM reader Queen B).

Anyway, on to the singing.

Chris Richardson – So, Chris’ song choice tonight left me…well, let’s say that it didn’t really impress me all that much.  I thought it was entirely too nasally.  And no matter what Chris thinks, nasally is NOT a singing style.  I didn’t dig it at all.

Randy found it to be great and loved Chris’ fly jacket, Paula thought he was fantastic and Simon, who really seems unnaturally nice this evening, thought he did really well.  I dunno.  Maybe he sounded different in person.

Melinda Doolittle – I have no idea how Faith Hill sang this song, but Melinda…she sang the HELL out of it!  Even though I don’t really like the song itself all that much, I do love Melinda’s vocal.  She sounded amazing!  And she seems to have FINALLY gotten rid of that face…you know which one I’m talking about.  Melinda, I’m still in love with you.

Randy tells Melinda that she’s dope and he just doesn’t know what to say anymore (which doesn’t stop him from babbling on), Paula declares her to be magical and Simon found her performance to be a “vocal master class”.

Blake Lewis - At first, I thought that Blake singing this song was going to be a mistake.  “Imagine” is not a song that’s easy to sing…if only because…well,  John LENNON sang it!  However, I think that Blake did it justice.  (Although I think that the best rendition of this song by a reality TV contestant was Jordis Unga on Rock Star:INXS.)  It wasn’t the most exciting performance…but, considering Blake’s track record, I think that’s a good thing in this case.

Randy wasn’t moved by Blake’s performance, Paula really enjoyed it and Simon found it to be a sincere, if flat, performance.

LaKisha Jones – So, LaKisha’s song tonight?  Well, it sucked when Fantasia sang it.  And it sucked when LaKisha sang it.  Not so much the vocal aspect of it…that was okay.  But the cheese factor is absolutely through the roof with this song.  And not in a good way.  More like a very rotten way.  And, what’s with LaKisha continually choosing former Idol songs?  My love affair with KiKi?  Dead.

Randy liked it, even though he didn’t think it was her best, Paula…umm, Paula rambles all OVER the place (and manages to give MY advice regarding not attempting Whitney or Chaka Khan songs) and manages to not say much at all and Simon also manages to not say a whole lot either.

Phil Stacey – Even though at one point, I SERIOUSLY thought that Phil was going to come through my TV and swallow me whole tonight, I think he sounded really great.  Phil really does seem to have come made a comeback with his vocals…I think tonight’s performance was his best by far.

Randy found the song and vocal to be very nice, Paula declares it to be his best and Simon thought it was good, although he thinks more country in the song would have been better.

Jordin Sparks -  I love, love, LOVE Jordin Sparks. I didn’t think that her performance tonight was one of her best, but it was still good.  I think I’ve said it before, but this bears repeating: Jordin Sparks is the whole package.  She has talent, she has a gorgeous look with an amazing smile and she seems like a genuinely nice girl.  I love her!

Randy found it to be one of the best performances by any contestant EVER! (Randy loves saying that), Paula thought she did a lovely job and Simon the Soft Hearted thought she was fantastic.

So, my guess for who’s going home this week would be Chris or LaKisha.  Maybe Blake.  I think they’ll probably be the bottom three.  But, who knows?  And, who really cares?  At least Sanjaya is gone!

And, be sure to visit Second Harvest’s website.

National Website : http://www.secondharvest.org/

Charlotte, NC Area Website: http://www.secondharvestcharlotte.org/

Second Harvest is a really great charity that does a lot of good all across the country.  There are a number of ways that you can help out Second Harvest…check out their website!

HOORAY!!

Well, the day finally came…little teary-eyed Sanjaya has been sent packing.

Thank goodness!

And I bet Phil wasn’t quite sure how he was feeling…being in the top 3 and all.  I guess the same could be said about LaKisha’s appearance in the bottom 3.

Ahh, I feel better about life now…at least as it relates to American Idol.

Yee-Haw!

Country night. So, it’s that time again, huh? I’ve never been a big fan of country night on American Idol. I guess we’ll see what tonight brings.

So, Martina McBride apparently was the only country star with an album coming out…so, she’s here coaching our Idol hopefuls tonight.

Phil Stacey – Phil sounds okay tonight. I thought the song was a bit boring, but…what the hell do I know? I haven’t listened to country music in years…I’m no judge. Now, if we get some 80’s country music going on…well, I’ll be all over that.

Randy manages to plug himself by reminding us that he actually does something else besides Idol (dude…from an accomplished producer…), Paula finds that Phil sounds best singing country and Simon tells Phil that this is the only time that he’s really sounded good…and managed to show personality. Eh.

Jordin Sparks – Well, I’ll Jordin this…she has BALLS for choosing to sing a song originally done by the vocal coach. After hearing Jordin’s version though, I have no desire to hear Martina’s…I’m sold on Jordin. She sounded great…grafting her soulful vibe to the country sound. I love Jordin. Absolutely love her. I want her to win.

Randy proclaims it to be the bomb, Paula thinks she did a fantastic job and Simon now believes that Jordin could win American Idol. Gee, thanks Simon. Now she’s going to get voted off!

Sanjaya Malakar – First, let’s get this straight – “Something to Talk About” is NOT a country song. Bonnie Raitt falls strictly into the Adult Contemporary category…this song didn’t even appear on ANY country charts. Hell, Bonnie Raitt hasn’t had a song on the country charts since 1980. As a result, Sanjaya should be sent home immediately for being a moron and choosing a non-country song. All of that being said, this performance sucked. It was very flat at the beginning…and didn’t get any better after that. And the do-rag? Sanjaya, it’s not the 1970’s and you are not Rhoda Morgenstern. Freak.

Randy comes straight to the point for once and declares Sanjaya’s performance to be nothing more than karaoke, Paula just tells Sanjaya that he’s lovable and Simon proclaims it to be horrendous. Ryan then attempts to play judge too and Simon puts him in his place…or at least attempts to.

LaKisha Jones – I honestly didn’t expect LaKisha to do well tonight. Divas often have problems on country night. However, LaKisha definitely picked the right song. Although she faltered a bit a the beginning of the chorus, I thin she did an overall bang up job. Of course, I have nothing to compare this performance to, as I generally boycott all things Carrie Underwood.

Randy thinks that she could have made it more gospel-like, Paula agrees (hey judges…this is COUNTRY night, remember?) and Simon doesn’t think that LaKisha and the song went well together. Apparently, LaKisha is supposed to choose songs that are her…but I’m not really sure how she’s supposed to do that with the country genre. She’s NOT country.

Chris Richardson – For some reason, Chris decided to choose a song that apparently has some sort of animal dying throughout the beginning of it. Was I the only one annoyed by that fiddle? I have never heard such an unpleasant noise come from a stringed instrument. Anyway, the dying stringed thing kind of distracted me from Chris’ singing. I guess he was okay. He sounded more ore less like he always does.

Randy wasn’t feeling any emotion from Chris, Paula seemed to agree with Randy…I was distracted by my own thoughts while she was talking…thinking how much I miss the old, incoherent Paula and Simon found Chris to be nasally, tinny and utterly insignificant. (And I really hate that the Chris/Blake photo that I posted last week is fake. )

Melinda Doolittle – I think that Melinda’s vocals were good tonight. However, there was something weird going on with the band…I can’t quite place my finger on it, but they just didn’t…I don’t know. They didn’t sound right to me. Does that make any sense? Anyway, I don’t think it was Melinda’s best performance, but that may have been largely due to the band that was distracting me. Someone in that band was off or something…I’m telling ya.

Randy calls the performance solid and Melinda a pro, Paula says “Way to go!” and Simon calls it fantastic. Simon also compared her to Tina Turner tonight…something that I did two weeks ago. You’re late, Simon.

Blake Lewis – I think this song is a cheat. Because, really, Blake is singing…well, anyone else’s version besides Tim McGraw’s. Maybe he’s going for Bono, maybe he’s going for Ryan Adams. I don’t know. He sounds decent.

Randy blabs on a lot, basically he loves Blake, Paula says package…heh, heh and Simon thought it was okay and then, in the middle of his critique, busts out with condolences to the Virginia Tech victims. Which was very nice of him to do, but very oddly placed.

So, I think the two best tonight were….Jordin and…Phil. Yes, Phil! Country really suits him. As usual, we all know who the worst was…and I seriously doubt that he’ll be going anywhere. My guess for who’s going? Either Chris or LaKisha. Althought, since Phil has been in the bottom 3 for…well, forever it seems like, I wouldn’t be at all surprised to see him go.

Hmmmm…

I realize that, since this is Friday and not an American Idol day, that no one will probably be reading this until next week.  But I just couldn’t wait until next week to share a few things.  First, there is this:

Maybe it’s just me, but Blake and Chris seem a bit TOO comfy with each other here.  I mean, do straight men usually sit together like that?  Is this a new thing that I’m not aware of?  Inquiring minds want to know.

And then, there is my recent epiphany.  Here it is:  Sanjaya must stay.  Yes, you read that right.  He can’t leave…at least not for a few more weeks.  Why, you ask?  Well, it’s like this.  Sanjaya, despite the fact that he is a wretched singer, provides the only real entertainment in this season’s American Idol.  Because, as much as I like Melinda, Jordin and Blake (my hopeful top three), none of them are that entertaining.  Yes, the girls are very nice and Blake always provides us with interesting outfits to discuss…but Sanjaya…he’s the real topic of conversation every week.  Hell, if he goes anytime soon, I’m not sure what I’ll write about on this blog.  Sure, there’s always Phil’s creepiness, LaKisha’s boobies and Melinda’s “Oh-My-Gosh-You-Really-Like-Me” look that she has yet to lose.  But, really, nothing about those things changes much from week to week.  Sanjaya, on the other hand, provides us with fresh freakiness every single week.  And, so, I hope that he stays…just for a little while longer.

Let’s just hope and pray that he doesn’t actually end up winning the damn thing.

Well, There’s Always a Career as a Playmate…

Okay, I REALLY have no idea why the producers of American Idol decided that tonight’s result show needed to be an hour long.  I also have no idea what all they were doing in this hour, as I fast-forwarded directly to the results (thank you DVR gods!).  Although, regrettably, I did accidentally stop in the middle of the group sing.  Bailamos…NOT a song that should be sung by…well, by anyone really.

So, the whole Sanjaya sit up, Sanjaya sit down thing?  Not cute.

Alright, so bottom three this week consists of Phil, Haley and Chris.  No surprises there to me.  Well, okay…maybe I’m a little bit surprised to find Haley there.  I guess the McLegs can only carry her so far.  (har har)  Lucky for all of us, they are carrying her off the AI stage for the final time.

Finally!  This so should have happened like…3 weeks ago.  But, better late than never.

That is all.

Not So Muy Caliente.

So, somehow I completely missed the fact that J. Lo is appearing on American Idol this week.  What rock have I been hiding under?  Oh well.  I tell ya, I’m not sure how I feel about Latin night.  It seems like a mistake to me.  I do very much like J. Lo having everyone sitting at her feet…like they’re all in kindergarten.  How very diva of her.

Melinda Doolittle – So, Melinda…hmmm.  First, let me ask a question:  What is up with Melinda’s ever evolving hair?  Tonight, they have her looking just like someone’s middle aged mother.  What’s that about?  Anyway, I think that Melinda sounds great, as always.  I’m not sure that I’m particularly crazy about the song…but does that even matter anymore?

Randy (have I said how INSANELY tired I am of Randy this season) proclaims it a solid performance, Paula calls her sultry, smooth, subtle, sexy, and beautiful and Simon didn’t like it because he felt she was lacking in personality with the song.  Sadly, I kind of have to agree with him.

LaKisha Jones – Ever so slowly, LaKisha is developing a bit of small personality.  A very small one.  However, her voice generally more than makes up for her lack of personality.  Unfortunately, that was not the case tonight.  I thought she sucked.  She made a firery Latin song just plain boring.  And, apparently she’s taking a cue from Haley and prominently displaying her ample assets.

Randy rambles on about LaKisha having a good time singing, failing to actually mention her singing, Paula (who apparently isn’t high and/or drunk this season) speaks the truth in saying that she wasn’t really feeling it and Simon agrees with Paula, saying that even though LaKisha was having fun, that maybe the people at home weren’t.  I know that I sure wasn’t.

Chris Richardson – Well, Chris proved to us tonight that he’s no Rob Thomas.  I’m not really sure what that means…other than I don’t think he should ever sing this song again.  The whole time, I could only think about how I WISH that Rob Thomas was singing it instead.  Chris’ voice was just not up to this song.  The arrangement was good though.

Randy found it very cool, Paula found it hot and Simon liked him better than Melinda and LaKisha.  I don’t know.  I’m ready for Chris to go.  No love for the Richardson here.

Haley “I’ve Got Legs” Scarnato – Speaking of no love…Haley (along with everyone else so far) is proving to America that only Latin people should sing Latin music.  Being able to open her mouth wide enough to swallow the audience whole does not make up for the fact that she has no spice…no sizzle…no nothing.  Blech.

Randy calls it karaoke, Paula thinks that Haley had fun and Simon talks about Haley’s lack of clothing and tells her the bald-faced truth: the only thing that Haley brings to this competition is her body.  Maybe she can pose for Playboy later.

Phil Stacey – Can someone please tell me how whitebread, creepy serial killer Phil Stacey manages to pull off the best vocal on Latin night?  How?  Granted, that’s not really saying a whole lot…but, still.  I don’t like Phil all that much….mainly because he creeps me out so much.  But he can sing.  It’s a shame that he didn’t pick a better song though.  I thought this song was pretty forgettable when it originally came out.  Unfortunately, Phil hasn’t really added much to it.

Randy found it boring, Paula thinks he turned out a really good vocal and Simon found no originality in the song and can’t get excited about him.  Personally, I don’t think the song is all the exciting period…no matter who is singing.  I’m not sure what Randy was talking about as far as passion goes in the original version…I sure as hell didn’t hear it.  And I just listened to it.  It’s not there…at least not in the vocals.  The guitar playing, maybe.  But not the vocals.

Jordin Sparks – Jordin…I love you.  I really do.  But…the Rhythm?  It just didn’t get me tonight.  Nice try though.

Randy says something about the Yo! Factor, Paula declares her love and Simon isn’t impressed.  I’m with Simon.

Blake Lewis – Blake, in his own odd Blake way, manages to actually give a real performance.  By far, the best of the night.  His voice was strong, his moves were questionable, and his wardrobe was just strange.  But he managed to make the song his own.

Randy proclaims it hot all over, Paula says it captured the essence of Blake and Simon declares it the best performance of the night…which truly isn’t saying a whole lot…but you take what you can get when you can get it on this show.

Sanjaya Malakar- So, Sanjaya decides to try and wow America tonight by singing part of his song in another language…and proving to America that he can grow creepy facial hair.  Ummm…no.  It’s not working.  Not one bit of it.  Sanjaya, I don’t care what language you sing it…sing in Farsi, I don’t care.  I still don’t like you.  And those close-ups?  Just creepy…I don’t care to see the facial hair close up.  I don’t care to see it all.

Randy says it was really good, Paula calls it nice several times and Simon shows a lapse in judgment and declares it to not be horrible.  I swear, if Sanjaya ends up winning this thing, I will never watch this crappy show again.

I don’t know what to say about this week.  The only people that I think are truly safe are Blake and…Sanjaya.  He’s like a cockroach…sadly, not ever nuclear war will rid us of him.  Haley probably should go, but she was all legs…and they’ve kept her in so far.  Could be a shocker week and Melinda or LaKisha could go.  But maybe it will just be Chris.  Oh, who the hell knows anymore?

Blah.

Ummm…is it just me or did Michael Buble seem drunk and/or high on tonight’s result show?  I really love me some Buble…and I’m really glad that he was there instead of Tony Bennett (mainly because I thought that Tony was going to collapse when they showed him the other night.)  I don’t know.  Maybe the Buble was just trying to imitate this season’s crop of Idols by dropping off the ending of words in the song and what not.

Anyway, tonight’s bottom three?  Not really a surprise.  Gina, Phil and Haley.  I’m feeling it.  And the top three…well, of course the lovely divas are there.  Now, the real surprise…okay, not a really BIG surprise…more of a small scale one, it the person kicked off tonight.  Clearly, Haley’s legs are paying off on this show…they must be the only reason that Gina went home this week instead of Haley.  And I’m pretty sure that Haley knows that too.

Of course, the real injustice here is the fact that Howard Stern and his listeners are having undue influence the show this year.  There is absolutely no reason on God’s green Earth that Sanjaya should still be on this show while others are gone.  And that’s all that I have to say about that…for tonight at least.

Sanjaya is SO Not My Papaya…

There is something slightly menacing with the way that Ryan Seacrest declares that one of the contestants is history tomorrow.  I think beneath that calm, goofy, slightly annoying exterior beats the heart of a cold blooded murderer.  Or maybe I’m just feeling my allergy medicine right now.

Anyway, can I make a confession?  I’m finding it really hard to get excited about this season.  I mean, if Sanjaya doesn’t go this week….I don’t even know what I’ll do.  I may start taking hostages.

So, Tony Bennett night, eh?  Well, that’s one that I never saw coming.  Seems a rather odd choice to me.  Don’t get me wrong.  I dig Tony Bennett.  He’s a righteous dude.  But I’m having a hard time imagining this group singing his songs.  Well, I guess I don’t really have to imagine it, now do I?  S

Sigh.

Blake Lewis – Tony seems to think that Blake has the vocals, but that he’s not really understanding “Mack the Knife”.  I think that maybe Tony is reading a bit too much into the song.  Anyway, I must say that Blake truly impressed me this week.  He almost made up for his horrible rendition of 311 singing The Cure from last week.  Almost.  And I must say, that I love Blake’s completely random clothing choices.  He really is an individual.  Like him or not, you gotta give him that.  I say best male vocal of the night…and I’m writing this as I watch it.

Randy liked it, dude, Paula says that Blake personified JAZZ! (but she said it kinda crazy-creepy like) and Simon gives him a 7 out of 10.  When did this become the Olympics, Simon?

Phil Stacey – Tony thinks that Phil is a real good singa’.  Who am I to argue with Tony Bennett?  I’ll give Phil that…he does sound good tonight.  He’s looking extra creepy though.  I think that perhaps he should refrain from smiling when singing.  His smile is slightly menacing.  I’m getting the serial killer vibe from him something crazy tonight, ya’ll.  He sounds good though.

Randy, who appears completely and utterly incapable of saying anything useful and/or remotely interesting babbles on about how he wasn’t feeling, Paula compares Phil to Frank Sinatra (much to nearly everyone’s surprise) and Simon thinks that Phil sounded as joyful as someone singing in a funeral parlor.   Which I think is NOT a coincidence, Simon.

Melinda Doolittle – As always, I love Melinda.  However, I think it’s time for Melinda to stop being surprised about everyone thinking that she can sing.  Get some confidence, girl!  You can freakin’ sing!  As you so wonderfully demonstrated for us tonight.  And you showed us that you can even do it with questionable hair!  I especially loved her brief channelling of Tina Turner near the end there (okay, maybe I was the only one that saw that.)

Randy tells us that Melinda gives everyone a lesson in singing every week, Paula babbles a lot, but manages to call her performance flawless and Simon, even though he didn’t like the first part of her song, loved the last part and thinks that the judges will never be able to criticize her.  Which Simon greatly regrets.

Chris Richardson – Yeah, so last week, in my wrap-up, I forgot that Chris was still on the show.  Oops!  Sorry about that Chris!  So, Chris appears to be combining stage theatrics reminiscent of Michael Jackson (or maybe Justin Timberlake copying MJ) with…well, with bad singing.  I don’t think Chris sounded good at all tonight.  Very…well, pitchy, I guess.  So far, he’s my guess for going home this week.

Randy thinks it’s his best performance of the whole season (making me think that perhaps I really don’t know what pitchy means),  Paula agrees with Randy and Simon also thought it was good.  As a result of all of this praise heaped upon Chris, I have to get my hearing checked.

Jordin Sparks – After last week’s performance, Jordin has no where to go but up.  First, let me say that she looks absolutely adorable tonight.  And, no, I’m not using that as a way of substituting what I think about her singing.  I’m just being nice.  I think her vocals were really good tonight.  Melinda’s performance tonight really set the bar pretty high.  Jordin doesn’t quite make it up that high, but she gets pretty close.  And she proves to us that she certainly can hold a note!

Randy proclaims it to be the bomb and goes extremely ghetto on us for a minute, Paula calls Jordin a “magnet of joy” and Simon thinks that she sounded good, but that she wasn’t quite as good as Chris before her…umm, whatever.

Gina Glocksen – So, yeah.  Totally forgot about Gina until I saw her tonight.  For me, the white girls on the show this year…just forgettable.  Anyway, Gina sings “Smile” and does a very good non-rocker version of it.  Gina, despite me forgetting about her, really has improved over the past few weeks.  I give her the Most Improved Award.

Randy likes it, Paula likes it and Simon doesn’t.  You’re such a party pooper, Simon.

Sanjaya Malakar – Sanjaya’s goal this week is to show America that he actually can sing.  His own words.  Umm..shouldn’t you have shown America that already at this point?  Sanjaya sings in a distractingly white suit tonight and makes a lot of disturbing faces.  Oh, and he also dances with Paula…which just makes him even gayer than he already was…if that’s even possible.  His singing…well, it wasn’t ear splitting or anything.  Ugh, I just don’t like the critter.

Randy says that he can no longer even comment on the vocals (isn’t that what he’s here for?) and calls Sanjaya a great entertainer, Paula gets why people love him (could you explain it to me, Paula?) and Simon just gives up and declares his performance to be incredible.  Because, why bother, really?  It’s not like he’s going anywhere.

Oh, and did anyone else notice the Sanjaya is My Papaya poster in the audience?  What the hell??

Haley Scarnato – Yeah, thought she was gone too.  Clearly, I am no longer paying attention to this show.  So, Haley goes for the sexy, sultry lounge singer thing.  I’m not sure that she really pulls it off though.  She is once again heavily featuring her lovely legs this evening.  This girl is no fool…she knows why she’s getting votes…and it’s not because of her singing.

Randy doesn’t really say anything, Paula gets catty and tells Haley that green is a good color for her and Simon tells her that she has great legs.  I think she’s probably sound good in a studio.  But then, I might too.

LaKisha Jones – LaKisha sings her song in a very old-fashioned kind of way…and I like it!  She manages to show a bit of actual emotion with that magnificent voice too this week.  Keep that up, girlfriend!  (Although, she did kinda miss the note at the end…didn’t she?)

Randy throws out the bomb word again, Paula tells LaKisha that she’s beautiful AND sounds good and Simon calls it sassy and great.

Overall, I think that Tony Bennett was quite good to the Idols this week.  I thought that everyone improved (except for Chris…and, well, maybe I was drunk or something when he sang).  If Haley isn’t saved by her legs this week, I think she’ll be going home.  Although, it could be Phil or even maybe even Gina.

I’ll forgo stating the obvious this week.

Every Little Thing He Does ISN’T Magic

Well, after tonight’s result show, I have decided that I want Gwen Stefani voted off of American Idol.  Because she REALLY can’t sing…that girl is completely produced in the studio.  (And this is coming from someone who, for the record, likes Gwen Stefani.)  Which really makes her the perfect big name to be on Idol this season…because I have no doubt that…well, nearly all of the contestants from this season would sound great in the studio.  Even Sanjaya.

Anyway, on to the results. So, we have Phil, Haley and Chris.  Of those three, I thought that Phil really didn’t belong there.  But then, I really have the feeling that he doesn’t have a dedicated fan base.  Unfortunately, we lost Chris tonight.  I mean, he really did stink the stage up last night (there, I said it) but, overall, he has been WAY better than Haley.  Clearly, the legs are keeping her in there…but not by much.  So, we’re now down to one really good male singer (Blake) and one mediocre male singer (Phil).  And then there’s Sanjaya…who I really feel is neither male nor female.  Anyway, to associate the word singer with Sanjaya is just blasphemy anyway.

Can we just go ahead and crown Jordin or Melinda the winner and be done with this?

This Shit is Bananas…

So, I had heard rumors that Gwen Stefani was going to be on American Idol this season.  I didn’t really believe it.  But, lo and behold, there she is.  This is proof that American Idol really has hit the big time.  Like her or not, there is no doubt that Gwen Stefani is the biggest guest judge on this show ever.  Personally, I liked Gwen a whole hell of a lot better when she was with No Doubt.  And, thankfully, the Idols are concentrating on No Doubt songs (and people who inspired Gwen) and not Gwen songs.  I mean, can you imagine Sanjaya singing Holla Back Girl?  Actually, come to think of it, that might be highly entertaining.

LaKisha Jones – So, LaKisha picks a Donna Summer song.  Which seems kind of odd to me.  Not the song so much, but the fact that Donna Summer is one of Gwen’s inspirations.  Really?  Anyway, LaKisha sounds great on the song.  Almost as good as Donna Summer.  And I LOVE me some Donna Summer.  Her performance is pretty solid too.  I enjoyed it.

Randy thinks it was hot and calls LaKisha a “true fly diva”, Paula says that LaKisha did Donna Summer proud and Simon proclaims it a great vocal…and is glad to hear LaKisha sounding young again…singing a 30 year old plus song.  Hmmm…interesting observation Simon.

Chris Sligh – I’m glad to see some of the humourous Chris back this week.  I’ve been missing that about him.  So, Chris picks my all-time favorite Police song to sing.  I’m gonna be straight with you on this one, people.  I cannot possibly be fair in evaluating anyone singing this song besides Sting.  So, I will not do it.  I will, however, comment on the weirdness of the echo effect while Chris was singing.  Does he really need that?

Randy thinks it was a good song for Chris and then tells him that he wasn’t singing with the band, Paula tells Chris that he needs to “stay in the pocket”…whatever that means and Simon thought it was a mess.

Gina Glocksen – Is it just me or is Gwen seeming a bit pointless to this whole endeavor?  I mean, Diana Ross, Lulu and Peter Noone all got a LOT more screen time…giving actually singing tips and what not.  Gwen…well, she’s not really saying much…of course, there could be a reason for that.  Now, on to Gina…initially, I was disappointed that Gina had decided to sing a non-No Doubt song.  I thought that No Doubt would have been perfect for her.  And then she started singing.  I think her performance of “I’ll Stand By You” has been her absolute best all season.  I’m with the audience…I loved it.

Randy thought it was one of her best ever, Paula declares that it really was her best performance so far and Simon agrees and even goes so far as to declare it the best so far tonight…which I think I have to actually agree with.

Sanjaya Malakar – Why, oh why, is Sanjaya singing “Bathwater”?  And WHAT THE FUCK is up with that hair???  None of this is working for me….please, please…oh God….oh…it’s so, so, so, so bad!  So bad.  Please, please….oh, I’ll never be able to get any of this out of my mind…it’s permanently etched now….oh, Sweet Buddha…it is SOOO horrendously bad.  I really hope that Sanjaya is trying to get himself kicked off.  Please tell me that’s what he’s doing.

Randy is left speechless by the Sanjaya-Do, Paula seems to think that Sanjaya was faking being bad…or something like that and Simon has decided that it no longer matters what the judges say because he clearly is no longer of this universe.

Haley Scarnato – I really love “True Colors”.  I think it’s a great song…just as long as Cyndi Lauper is singing it (I would love to see her guest judging…or whatever it is that these people are now doing).  I’m not quite sure what Haley was trying to do with this song, but, for me, she did not succeed.  It was just weird…kinda all over the place and very removed from the original.  And not in a good way.  I think that Haley might be in danger this week…but only because the nutjobs who keep on voting for Sanjaya are totally going to LOVE the Sanjaya-Do.

Randy says that Haley didn’t really grab him with it (but it’s clear that he’s being nice….Randy thought it stunk), Paula thinks that Haley’s version was too adult contemporary…and calls her pretty and Simon calls it “sweet but forgettable”.   Haley, sadly, really is quite forgettable.  I actually was surprised to see her this week because I somehow thought she had already been eliminated.

Phil Stacey – In the little question and answer session with Ryan, Phil appears to be under the impression that he’s made some sort of impact on the country.  How he has done this exactly, I’m not sure.  Anyway, even though I really love “Every Breath You Take”, I don’t feel quite the same way about it that I do about “Every Little Thing She Does is Magic”.  So, I can comment about Phil.  First, once again, I don’t understand the voice echo.  Why is this needed on Police songs on American Idol?  It puzzles me.  That being said, I think Phil actually sounded pretty decent.  I mean, it’s a little creepy to me to have Phil singing “I’ll be watching you” with those big, beautiful, slightly crazy eyes of his…but at least it’s not Elliot Yamin singing those words.  (THAT would have been terrifying.)  Phil is no Sting, but he does a fairly decent job anyway.

Randy found it to be a really solid performance, dawg, Paula found it to be a good choice and thought he soared with the chorus and Simon, surprisingly, thought it was very good.

Melinda – At this point in the show, I am convinced that Gwen really is pointless.  Clearly, she is on this show solely to promote herself.  I mean, why else have her hosting the Idols singing a random hodge-podge of songs like this?  Anyway, Melinda also chooses a Donna Summer song…this one I actually have never heard before.  Although I’m not sure that this is the best song for her, she has proven to me that she easily could have been a 70’s disco diva.  She has the voice and the demeanor for it.  I would love to have heard her singing “Got to Be Real” by Cheryl Lynn.  Still, she’s Melinda and she’s good.  The girl is a powerhouse…even when she’s really not wowing me.

Randy lets all kind of words go spewing forth from his mouth…bottom line: Randy loved it, Paula thinks that Melinda tells stories when she sings and that she was fun and Simon thinks that she was vocally outstanding but he hates her outfit.  Actually, I really liked her outfit.  It was very fitting for the song…and it was blue.  I love blue.

Blake Lewis – I think Blake Lewis should be shot.  How’s that for criticism?  If anyone should have chosen a No Doubt song, it was Blake.  Instead, he chooses a Cure song.  I feel the same way about this song that I feel about “Every Little Things She Does is Magic”.  The thing that most annoys me about Blake’s performance (which actually is pretty decent vocally) is the fact that he’s not singing The Cure’s version of this song.  Rather, he’s doing the absolutely crappy 311 remake…which tried to make the song all reggae-like.  Which does NOT work for this song.

Randy apparently liked it, even though he wasn’t jumping up and down, Paula seems to think that Blake came up with the 311 arrangement on his own and thinks he was great and Simon declares him to be the strongest guy in the competition.  Honestly, I do agree with that.  This is just one of those songs for me that I can’t handle other people singing.  But, overall, I like Blake.  I’m just glad that he didn’t beatbox on this one.

Jordin Sparks – So, finally we have a real singer in the competition singing an actual No Doubt song.  But, why, Jordin did you choose “Hey Baby”???  Of all the No Doubt songs that you could choose…why this one?  How about “Don’t Speak”?  You totally could have torn that one up.  This song…it’s just a bunch of yelling.  Granted, you did your best…you did manage to make it a bit more than just yelling.  Still….not anywhere close to my favorite Jordin performance.

Randy thought it was brilliant, Paula thought that she was adorable and hip and Simon declared her to be the most improved.  Personally, I hated it.  But then, I was never crazy about the original.

Chris Richardson – So, Chris is singing “Don’t Speak”.  Hmmm…interesting choice.  I really don’t like his performance at all.  He looks very unsure of himself on stage…a definite deer in the headlights look at the beginning.  And his vocal…not that great either.  Like I said, this song would have worked MUCH better for Jordin.  I actually would have liked to hear him sing a Police song…maybe “King of Pain” or something.

Randy thinks it was good, Paula thinks it was good and Simon wasn’t crazy about the vocal, saying that he struggled in the middle.  Was it just me or did Chris look like he was about to burst into tears at the end there?  I may be seeing things, but, gosh darn it, that’s what I saw.

So, overall, I think that Gina….yes, GINA, was the best tonight….followed closely by Phil…yes, PHIL.  Believe me, I am surprised by me writing that as you.  Sanjaya gave the absolute worst performance of any American Idol anywhere EVER.  I think if you combined every bad Idol performance from around the world, his performance tonight would still be the worst.  But, we all know, that doesn’t really matter.  So, I’ll go with Haley for worst…and most likely going home.

Bye-Bye Stephanie!

Well, not surprisingly, Stephanie went home this week.  Okay, maybe it’s a slight surprise.  But only a very slight one.  Clearly, Sanjaya is the one that deserves to go home…week after week after week.  Any yet, I think he’s going to be in it for quite some time now.  Hell, at this rate, he may even win the damn thing.  Wouldn’t that be a kick in the pants?

Of course, since Fox actually controls the results in the end, we all know that that won’t happen.  Still, it wouldn’t surprise me to see him hang around until the top five at least.  Ughh.

British Invasion

So, the final 11 are going to slaughter…I mean, sing songs from the 60’s British invasion.  This ought to be interesting.

Before I go any further, I must declare my undying love for Lulu.  She’s great.  Ok, moving on….

Haley Scarnato -  Haley seems to be improving every week.  Unfortunately, that’s really not saying much for her.  She’s still boring.  But, she’s clearly trying.  I’m just not sure that that’s enough when she’s up against girls like Melinda and LaKisha.  I will say this though…she has killer legs!

Randy is supremely excited by Haley’s performance, calling it her best and declaring her to be back in the competition (it had the YO! factor all over it), Paula, who was brought to tears, found Haley girlish and adorable and Simon found her fun, young, shrieky and, above all, naughty.  Simon, you dirty old man.

Chris Richardson – Chris is taking it slow and acoustic tonight with “Don’t Let the Sun Catch You Cryin’”.   It seems an odd choice to me…considering all of the many British Invasion songs that one could choose from.  Still, I like it.  A lot.  Nice and mellow…smooth voice.  Killer smile.  Wait…is that drool on the keyboard?  Pardon me while I compose myself.

Randy found Chris’ performance to be beautiful, Paula (who somehow didn’t cry this time) found him sexy and charming and Simon thinks it was Chris’ best performance ever, saying that he made it not sound old-fashioned.

Stephanie Edwards – Stephanie chooses “You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me” by Dusty Springfield.  I think that Stephanie pulls it off as far as vocals go.  As far as performance, well, she was a bit boring.  Right now, I think she’s dangerously close to becoming the black Carrie Underwood with her performances.

Randy found it to be a bit pitchy, Paula throws out the love of the clothes first and then tells Stephanie that she needs to find the fun again and Simon thinks that Stephanie is losing her edge.  I wouldn’t be surprised to see her go home this week (since Sanjaya apparently could slaughter all of the judges AND Ryan while singing poorly and America would still love him.)

Blake Lewis – Dear Blake, you have officially lost me.  Don’t get me wrong.  I think you have a really great voice and all, perhaps the best male vocal on the show this season.  But for the love of all that is holy, PLEASE drop the damn beatbox shit!  You know, Justin Timberlake can do that too.  Yet he manages to not do it in every single one of his songs.  Please take a cue from him.  Let’s focus on the vocal prowess that you actually have and leave the beatboxing for…umm, someone else.

Love ya!

Sincerely,

Master Bloggger

So, Randy threw out all kinds of words all at once….I have no idea what he said, but it was positive, Paula thinks that Blake has raised the bar and that he coud release his version of “Time of the Season” as a single and Simon thinks that he was a million times better than last week.

LaKisha Jones – LaKisha had a choice between two songs tonight – “You’re My World” and “Diamonds are Forever”.  Guest star Lulu tried really hard to convince her to sing “You’re My World”.  Unfortunately for LaKisha, she chose to ignore Lulu.  “Diamonds are Forever” does not work for LaKisha.  Not in any way, shape, or form.  She seemed completely uncomfortable the entire time and, quite frankly, the words seemed so horribly unconvincing coming out of her mouth.  Plus, even though she can sing, she is no Shirley Bassey.  (And, full disclosure, I LOVE this song…)  Tonight, she came quite close to stinking up the stage.  Well, as close as someone with her powerhouse voice can.

Randy didn’t feel enough LaKisha in it, Paula thinks she picked the right song and then blabbed on about diamonds and Simon babbled on about LaKisha in 50 years.

Phil Stacey – I really can’t get over Phil’s look.  Looking at him…creeps me out.  I think he’d make a great radio star.  I thought that his vocal was pretty gosh darn good tonight…even though I wasn’t really all that crazy about “Tobacco Road”.  Everything else about him was kinda messy.  He seems very awkward on the stage….just kinda flails about.  And then, we have the whole Romulan thing.

Randy talks about letting it hang out and then proclaims Phil’s performance to be pretty good, Paula throws out the pitchy word, but thought the performance was good and Simon wasn’t crazy about it, saying that Phil needs grit to pull “Tobacco Road” off.  Maybe Phil should try smoking a few packs of cigarettes first.  Stephanie might be safe this week.  Even though I thought Phil’s performance was okay, I could still see him going.

Jordin Sparks – With each passing week, I like Jordin better.  I think that her vocals are improving every week.  Her performance tonight blew me away.  Even though Jordin is sans boyfriend right now, I totally believed her when she was singing this.  I would buy this single.  In fact, I hope that it ends up on those American Idol CD’s that they make before the tours.  Very soulful, very….oh, hell.  I loved her.

Randy proclaims it to perhaps be the best performance of the night, Paula tells her she’s a good singer AND a wonderful performer and Simon gives her a back handed compliment by telling her that she sounded great, but her song choice made him want to kill himself.

Sanjaya Malakar – Do I even have to?  Really?  Are you sure?  Well, okay then.  Sanjaya…blech.  Well, at least Sanjaya all but admits that he really shouldn’t be here.  The Kinks should consider suing him for shrieking “You Really Got Me”.  So, so horrible.  There really aren’t enough words in the English language to describe the awfulness of this performance.  So, how about this:

Era realmente malo. Spanish

C’était vraiment mauvais. French

Es war wirklich schlecht. German

Era realmente difettoso. Italian

Randy thinks that it was Sanjaya’s best performance to date (is that really a compliment?) Paula hopes that he had fun and Simon references us to Crying Girl.  Who was actually crying because she LIKED Sanjaya.  But, she’s like 10.  She doesn’t know any better.

Gina Glocksen – Gina, Gina, Gina.  I have no idea what to think about you.  Sometimes you seem really great.  Sometimes you seem like a giant mess.  And, often, these times are all at once.  You do have a really great personality and I think that you could, much like Pink, be a great studio performer.  However, I just don’t think that live performances are where it’s at for you.  You started off sounding pretty good tonight, but derailed fairly quickly.  I don’t know.  Maybe Lulu is responsible for that.  I think that messing with the song wasn’t a good idea.  I’m not sure how much longer we’ll be seeing you around the AI stage.

Randy thought it was just alright, Paula found it to be miles better than last week and that Gina had fun and Simon felt that Gina tortured him with her song.

Chris Sligh – Chris apparently is taking some criticism for not being true enough to his Christian roots.  However, since this criticism seems to be mainly coming from Bob Jones University kooks, I think that we can just ignore it.  Tonight, Chris went with The Zombies’, “She’s Not There”.  Chris sounded good, as he usually does.  I found the whole strolling through the audience to be a bit odd (although I LOVED the “Bringing Chubby Back” sign.  I think I’m going to have one of my own made up.)  And, walking around the stage with the mic stand, wielding it as though it was a weapon…that was a bit odd too.

Randy loved the crowd stroll and found the song to be good overall, Paula talks about Chris’ clothes and his vocals were good and Simon thinks that his vocal was good, although not the best of the night.

Melinda Doolittle – I love Melinda as much as Simon does.  And that’s a lot.  I wasn’t overly impressed with her song tonight though.  She sounded great, but I just really wasn’t feeling it.  I don’t know.  Maybe it’s just because, by the time  she sang, I was BEYOND ready for the show to be over.  Plus, even though I usually don’t criticize such things, it seems to me that jeans were the wrong thing to wear for this song.  I think a nice, flowy dress would have worked better.

Randy says we saved the best for last tonight and compliments her to high heaven, Paula tells her that she’s in her own league and Simon wants to know if she’s really as nice as she seems.

May favorite tonight, by far, was Jordin.  I was very impressed with the control that she showed with her song.  Second fave…probably Chris Richardson.  (It would have been Blake if he hadn’t beatboxed.) Least fave….well, Sanjaya no longer counts really.  As long as he’s around, he will be the least fav by default.  Second least fave….hmm…I don’t know.  Maybe Gina?  Maybe LaKisha.  Yes, that’s right.  LaKisha!    I know…can you believe it?  Me neither.  But ’tis true.

Anyway, that’s all for now.  Go do something non-internet related for an hour or so.

And Then There Were 11…

I really have decided that the inventors of the DVR were American Idol fans. And they created the DVR for the express purpose of getting through the inane results show that have no business being 30 minutes long. I don’t need to see a bunch of ridiculous group numbers, I don’t need to hear Diana Ross (or any other aging music star trying to hock their wares) sing. I just need the results. The magic of the DVR gives me just that. And a little more if I so choose.

Tonight, I do not so choose. I went straight for the goodies. And, not surprisingly, Brandon is no more. He took it like a champ. I really wish that Sanjaya had been the one. But there’s always next week.

And now I am off to watch Lost.  Which I continue to watch, week after week, against my better judgment.   Talk about a show that has jumped the shark…

Guys and Dolls

So, this evening, we finally arrive at the top 12.  I think we could easily just eliminate the majority of them and have a showdown between Melinda and LaKisha. (Who I have a feeling will tear it up on tonight’s theme: Diana Ross.)

So, am I the only person who is sick and tired of American Idol patting itself on the back constantly about all of the talent that its discovered?  It’s getting old AI.  Unfortunately, I’m afraid that we will be subjected to it from now until the show finally goes off the air.

I’m not sure how I feel about the idea of a Diana Ross theme.  Personally, this seems like something that is skewed towards the girls.  I mean, how many Diana Ross songs are the guys going to be able to successfully pull off?   That being said, I must say that Diana Ross was especially gracious to all of the little Idolites.  She even let them three of the black girls touch her (I think we are supposed to assume that everyone got a hug from Ms. Ross, but I’m sure that she cut them off after three.)

Brandon Rogers – Brandon is starting to grow on me as time goes on.  At least his personality is.  I’m not so sure about his voice though.  While his hip swagger in the middle of “Can’t Hurry Love” was very good, I’m afraid that his overall performance did not wow me.  And, was it just me or did he forget some of the words?

Randy confirms for me that Brandon did indeed forget the words and says that he’s reverted back to a background singer, Paula babbles on about nerves and stuff, telling Brandon that there are many things that he does right (and what might those things be, Paula?) and Simon pronounces him to have no star quality and no originality.  I think that Brandon could be going home this week (because no matter how bad Sanjaya is tonight, he has that crazy fan base that I’m pretty sure Brandon lacks.)

Melinda Doolittle – Well, before poor little Melinda’s moment with Diana airs, we are subjected to what may be the most gay love banter between Simon and Ryan ever seen on American Idol.  Could they just both come out of the closet and get it over with?  Anyway, Melinda sings “Home” from The Wiz (which just happens to be a guilty pleasure of mine…the movie…not singing “Home”).  Melinda sings wonderfully as always.  However, I’m not especially impressed with the song choice.  Still, she’s Melinda and she’s flawless.  I love her…no matter what her song choice is.

Randy doesn’t think it was his favorite performance, but it was still hot for him, Paula just cries and Simon continues his weekly declaration of love to Melinda, comparing her to a young Gladys Knight. (Just for the record, I attempted to vote for the first time this season for Melinda, but could not get through.  That’s a good sign, right?)

Chris Sligh – It seems to me that Ms. Ross is not particularly happy with Chris changing up the arrangement of “Endless Love”.  Just the impression that I got.  Well, maybe she was right about that.  Even though Chris sounds as strong as he normally does, well, I’m afraid that he’s entered somewhat of a boring slump.  I just wasn’t terribly impressed with the song.  I do enjoy him singing without the glasses though.

Randy found the song arrangement weird, Paula thinks the same thing but words it differently and Simon thinks that the song was murdered by Chris.  Someone call Scotland Yard, this man has a point.

Gina Glocksen – Gina, who has apparently been singing “Love Child” since she was four, is reminded by Ms. Ross that she MUST enunciate when singing her song!  No “doubablabbadada”, Gina!  For me, dawg, Gina’s performance tonight was one of her best of the whole contest.  I think it’s also one of the better song choices for tonight.

Randy found it pitchy and boring, Paula thinks that she didn’t follow Ms. Ross’ advice about the enunciation and Simon thinks she chose the right song, but found it ultimately forgettable.  Well, I liked it.

Sanjaya Malakar – Sanjaya, Ms. Ross declares to us, is love.  Yes, that’s right.  He is LOVE.  I’m sorry, Ms. Ross, but I’m not feeling that.  At all.  Sanjaya chooses to slaughter “Ain’t No Mountain” for us.  But, let’s not even talk about his performance.  It was as mediocre as any other that he’s given us.  Let’s talk about his HAIR!  What the hell is going on there???  Who decided that an 80’s perm would be the look for Sanjaya tonight?  Are the stylists in my court?   Are they trying to make his hair look as foolish as he sounds?

Randy is overwhelmed by the awfulness of the song…or maybe it’s the hair…could be both, Paula agrees with Diana that Sanjaya is love…which is nice of her to say and Simon thinks the only similarity between Sanjaya and Ms. Ross is the hair.

Haley Scarnato – So, why do only select contestants get viewer questions lobbed at them?  What’s that all about?  Kinda weird to me.  Anyway, I seriously thought that Ryan was going to ask Haley what the weirdest place that she ever made whoopie was, but…well, he didn’t.  Anyway, Haley is singing “Missing You” tonight.  Ms. Ross tells us that Haley has a recording studio voice….which is a nice way for her to say that she thinks Haley stinks.  I think this is a really ambitious song for Haley to tackle.  And, unfortunately, I really don’t think she pulls it off.  Especially when she makes her angry face while singing it.  And forgets the words.  That’s never good.

Randy tells her she gave a valiant effort…he’s easy on her because he can tell that she’s about to burst into tears, Paula goes with the “You look lovely tonight” which Haley understands to mean “You sounded horrible” and Simon is genuinely nice for once by remembering Haley’s name and throwing all other sorts of compliments out to her.

Phil Stacey – Phil manages to actually impress Ms. Ross, which, in turn, impresses me.  (And I love her advice to Phil that the audience “really are real people”.)  I think that Phil sounded better when he sang for Ms. Ross than he did on the stage.  Phil had the same problem tonight that he seems to often have…he starts off very weak, but manages to warm up somewhere in the middle of the song.  He sounds good once he gets going…it’s just the getting going part that he has a hard time with.

Randy found the performance boring, but the vocals hot, Paula, once again, says the same thing with different words and Simon thinks it was okay but that Phil needs to learn to control his shouting.

LaKisha Jones – Is it possible for LaKisha to have a more dead look on her face than the one she had in her segment with Ms. Ross?  I think not.  Unless she was actually dead.  “KiKi” and her lack of personality are starting to get on my nerves.  I don’t care how well she can sing.  She suffers from Carrie Underwood syndrome.  Good voice with the personality of dust.  And, isn’t one American Idol like that more than enough?  She did sound good though.  No argument from me there.

Randy declares her to be sensational, Paula throws the word beautiful around a lot and says that her heart comes through in her performance and Simon tells her that “she’s got it”.

Blake Lewis – Blake is lucky enough to get a viewer question, in which we learn that he likes a whole lot of music that I’ve never heard of.  And he also likes Michael Jackson and Prince too.  He then rearranges one of Ms. Ross’ songs and I expect fire to shoot from her eyes and burn him alive.  But, it doesn’t.  Anyway, Blake does something new and original with “You Keep Me Hangin’ On”.  I like it a whole lot.  I find some of his movements to be distracting, but his performance really “pops” for me.  Hands down the best male performer tonight.

Randy apparently doesn’t like the new arrangement and tells him that he doesn’t need to “Blake-ize” everything, Paula thinks that he could have a hit with his version and Simon didn’t get it at all.  Personally, I don’t understand everyone’s veneration of this song.  Ummm, it was changed when Kim Wilde sang it in 1987  and it was a hit then.  This song isn’t beyond being switched up a bit.

Stephanie Edwards – Stephanie chooses to sing “Love Hangover”.  I think that the best advice Ms. Ross could have given Stephanie would have been “Pick a different song.”  This seems like a really odd choice for me.  Because the part of this song that is best known is the up-tempo part, which doesn’t have a whole lot of singing in it.  For me, it was one of Stephanie’s weakest performances.  Especially since, she also forgot the words…although she did manage to do some ad-libbing to cover it up.

Randy thinks it’s a perfect song choice, but not her best vocal, Paula thinks it would have been better if she could have sang the good part and Simon thinks that she teased us with what she sang and didn’t deliver.  And I agree.

Chris Richardson – Chris sings a song that I have never heard of before, “The Boss”.  And he doesn’t sing it all that well.  And he’s wearing way too much white.  He does take the advice of Ms. Ross though and tries to work the crowd.  Unfortunately, they don’t seem exceptionally receptive to it to me.  Maybe they, like me, were just ready for this night to be through.

Randy thinks that he overdid it a little, but gives his half-good, half-bad speech that he seems to give all the time now, Paula thinks that Chris was the best guy tonight and Simon found his performance dreadful.

Jordin Sparks  – Jordin sang a song that I’ve never heard, but sang it fabulously.  I’ve been a big fan of Jordin from day one.  If she can keep it up like she did tonight, I think that she might hang around for awhile

Randy, Paula and Simon all loved her.

Overall, I found tonight boring and pretty not good.  I really regret that Diana Ross wasn’t an actual guest judge on this one.  I think that she could have given some real, useful feedback.

You Can’t Always Get What You Want

So, Jared got sent home.  Honestly, that was the only thing about last night’s results that DIDN’T surprise me.  Jared was too in love with himself…a feeling that clearly was not mutual with the AI viewing audience.

The rest of the results though, quite frankly, surprised me.  Antonella actually got sent home?  Clearly, she’s deserved to go home for weeks now.  But, somehow, I thought that she was going to hang around to torment us for awhile longer.  Thank goodness America got something right with the results for once.

As for Sundance and Sabrina going home.  Well, I wasn’t a huge fan of either, but they were clearly not the weakest candidates left.  Without a doubt, it should have been Sanjaya and Haley going instead.  Unfortunately for us, we have to see Sanjaya again next week.  I’m hoping that he’ll just crack under the pressure and disqualify himself.  After all, when Paula basically says that you shouldn’t be there…well, maybe you REALLY shouldn’t be there.

Sisters Are Doin’ It…

Well, here come the girls again.  Let’s hope that they are better than the guys were last night.

So, one of the first things that we hear tonight is that Paula is missing.  Eventually, we learn that Paula was under the judges desk.  What??  Hmmm…

Jordin Sparks – Although I am a big fan of Pat Benatar, I’ve never really liked “Heartbreaker”.  Jordin Sparks, however, has changed that for me.  She really sang this song like it was her own.  With this song, I think Jordin proves to us why she was put in this competition in the first place.

Randy manages to throw out hot, pitchy and dope in his appraisal of Jordin.  Ultimately, I think he liked it.  Paula belches love to Jordin and Simon calls her performance shrieky, but thinks that she’s an overall good performer.

Sabrina Sloan – So, Sabrina attempts to tackle an En Vogue song this evening.  She makes a good run for it, but still manages to miss it…by a long shot.  And, to tell you the truth, the background singers weren’t helping her any on this one.  Could we stop a moment to grade them?  Can we throw a “pitchy” their way this eveing?  Still, Sabrina sounded unnecessarily nasally to me on this one.  Definitely not one of her best performances.

Randy is all over the place in his critique of Sabrina, saying that it was a good, solid performance but that the song didn’t have enough melody.  Paula declares that Sabrina can “sing, sing, sing” and Simon found her to be robotic and reminiscent of hotel resort performance.  To which Paula responds that she’d gladly go to one of those hotels.  Gotta love the witty repartee between those two.

Antonella Barba – The mere mention of Antonella’s name raises the hairs on my neck.  Why, oh WHY is this girl still in this competition??  I have no idea what the HELL she is singing tonight, but it is absolutely HORRID!  I thought she was bad in previous weeks…but good LORD, she stunk up the stage tonight.  So much so, that I couldn’t even recognize the song that she was singing until half-way through.  Bad, bad, bad.

Randy likes the song choice and the ending of her song, but thinks it was just okay overall (did he have his ear plugs in?), Paula thinks she picked the right song and then rambles on about…I have no idea what.  Simon tells Antonella that she’s through.  Her voice sucks and she’s through.  Unfortunately, he didn’t use those exact words.  But he should have.

Haley Scarnato – Haley manages to underwhelm with her performance of Faith Hill’s “If My Heart Had Wings”.  She picked up a little (just a teensy little) in the middle, but overall…she sounded a bit flat to me.  And definitely boring.  A very dull performance.

Randy says it was okay, but was lacking the “YO!” factor, Paula makes fun of the “YO!” critique and says that she sang the song well, while Simon thinks it was a horrible high school musical performance.  He then admits to Haley that he doesn’t even know her name.  She’s just that boring.  And I kinda have to agree.  Two years from now, I will have absolutely no recollection of who she is.

Stephanie Edwards – Stephanie throws down the smooth, soul card once again tonight.  This girl does have a voice.  And she’s growing on me.  I think she had a few off notes, but I liked her overall.

Randy gives her an A for effort, but tells her that she’s no Chaka Khan, Paula finds her to be nearly flawless and Simon thinks she’s should definitely be in the top 12, but that she needs to bring out her personality a bit more.

LaKisha Jones – I know that I haven’t been talking about the absurd little intros this week, but I couldn’t let LaKisha’s “doverman pitcher” comment go by without comment.  Doverman pitcher?  Seriously?  Anyway, LaKisha decides to not take my advice and sings a Whitney song.  And even though she is one of the strongest singers in this competition, her version of “I Have Nothing” does nothing for me.  Just reminds me of Whitney singing it.  Plus, I can’t get over “doverman pitcher”.

Randy throws the word great around a lot, Paula goes blah, blah, blah and Simon tosses around a bunch of positive adjectives as well.  It’s a LaKisha Love Fest.

Gina Glockesn – First, I feel sorry for anyone who has to follow LaKisha.  I particularly feel sorry for Gina Glocksen when she is that person.  She needs all of the luck that Ryan, her troll, her pickle and her pillow can give her.  Unfortunately, as soon as she opens her mouth, I realize that none of that luck has made it’s way to her.  And….wait…what is that?!  Gina, are you wearing a RED bra under a gray see-through top…well, clearly, you are.  Ummm, yeah.  Don’t do that anymore.  And, while you’re busy not doing things,  try not to sing Evanescence songs anymore either.

Randy seems to like Gina’s performance because she’s “keeping the edge alive”, Paula agrees with Randy and Simon briefly departs from reality and declares her to be a breath of fresh air.  Ugh.

Melinda Doolittle – Even though I like Melinda a whole lot, I didn’t really care for her song all that much tonight.  I guess she sang it okay.  I just…I don’t know.  I wasn’t feelin’ it, dawg.  Not enough YO! for me.  Or something like that.

Randy completely disagrees with me and says “what” about a million times, Paula talks all about Melinda’s personality, but doesn’t really say anything about the song and Simon loved it, calling her a little tiger.  Guess I was just feeling off tonight.  I still love Melinda though.  I love her personality, I love her voice.  I just wasn’t feeling it tonight.  I reserve that right.  Hey, it’s my blog.  I’ll feel how I want to.

Antonella…please leave.  Just leave.  Don’t even wait for America to kick you off (because they probably won’t).  Just do me a favor and go back to Jersey.  Or stay in Hollywood and do some porn.  Just stop singing!  And, hell, take Haley with you.

Men Singing Badly

Here’s hoping we lose Sanjaya Malakar this week!  Anyway, on to the contestants:

Blake Lewis – Ummm…hmmm…I’m not really sure what to say about Blake tonight.  That whole Jimmy Walker Blue bit in the intro…well, that was bizarre.  As for his song selection…well, it was definitely original.  I’m pretty sure that no one else has ever sang a 311 song on American Idol before.  I just don’t know that I really liked the performance all that much.  Still, I think as far as the guys go, it will be between Blake and Chris Sligh…as long as “America” doesn’t kick one of them off this week.

Randy thinks it’s hot, but has never heard the song, Paula has also never heard the song (how can these people profess to be musical judges and have never heard 311?) and Simon thinks that Blake stands out in the crowd and will 100% be here next week.  Great.  It’s been nice knowing ya, Blake.

Sanjaya (he’s lost his last name this week) – Sanjaya is clearly the Kevin Corvais of this season.  Everyone remember little Kevin?  Yeah, that’s who Sanjaya is.  Anyway, I fully believe that Sanjaya should be stoned to death after what he did to John Mayer this week.  And John should be allowed to do the throwing.  America, PLEASE, kick this little girl/boy off this week!

Randy thinks that Sanjaya hasn’t been good since the auditions, Paula tries to be a bit nicer and blabbers on about the other guys and Simon declares that his vocal was bad and that maybe his hair is keeping him in the competition.

Sundance Head – First, I’m horrified that Sundance chose to not only sing a Pearl Jam song, but my favorite Pearl Jam song.  Why am I so horrified?  Well, “Jeremy” is my favorite Pearl Jam song mainly because they say the word “fuck” in it and it used to get played on the radio all the time.  Weird reason, yes.  But that’s my all-time favorite word!  Anyway,  I was none too pleased to hear the word “punk” subsituted for it tonight. (Of course, they wouldn’t let the word “damn” be sang last week.)  And I was perhaps even less pleased with Sundance’s version of the song.  Eddie Veder (lead singer of Pearl Jam, for those of you not in the know) has a very strong voice.  Sundance singing this song just reminds me that his voice isn’t nearly as strong.

Randy likes Sundance’s Southern rock interpretation of Pearl Jam and declares it to be hot (even though he also said it was kinda pitchy), Paula likes his “Sundance groove” and thinks he did really well and Simon thinks he lost his charm this week, calling him a “generic bar singer”.

So, in the middle of hearing the contestants, we get introduced to country singer, Travis Tritt.  These days, Travis is looking suspiciously like Patch from Days of Our Lives.  Hmmmm…

Chris Richardson – For me, Chris Richardson is this year’s Ace What’s-His-Face.  Most weeks, I think his looks overshadow his singing.  This week, however, I actually enjoyed his performance.  It started off a bit weak, but by the time that it ended, he had me.  I enjoyed it.  Plus, he has a classic smile.

Randy says he puts the boys on blast and I have no idea what that means, Paula thinks he picked a great song and Simon thought it cutesy and that we have yet to hear Chris’ full potential (which I totally agree with).

Jared Cotter – Jared is also on my list of guys that I really don’t like this season.  Mainly because I think Jared thinks he’s a LOT better than he really is.  To be fair, he wasn’t entirely horrendous tonight.  But he has yet to live up to the hot, soulful crooner image that he tries so hard to convey.

Randy declares it to be a solid performance, Paula thinks that he needs to add some color to his singing (some real criticism from Paula and of a guy singer, no less!) and Simon calls it unoriginal and lacking in wow factor.

Brandon Rogers – So, apparently I really don’t like most of the guys this season.  I just realized that.  Because I also don’t like Brandon Rogers.  However, I think he sounded okay tonight.  In fact, I think he sounded his best so far.  Still don’t think he belongs here, but he’s improving.

Randy calls it a solid performance, Paula found it to be phenomenal and Simon doesn’t think he’s done well so far and is nervous that he may have eliminated himself with his song choice.  I don’t know.  I liked it.   But maybe I’m tone deaf.

Phil “I’m a Romulan” Stacey – Phil should never open his eyes wide.  It’s scary.  Like Elliot Yamin coming into your bedroom to kill you at night scary.  I found Phil’s version of Leann Rimes’ song to be…rather odd.  It took me awhile to even recognize it.  And then, when I did, I didn’t want to.

Randy compares him to Steve Perry (really??) but still finds him to be pitchy, Paula finds the song choice to be odd and thinks it wasn’t his best performance (thank you Paula!) and Simon just doesn’t get it and thinks his big eyes were creepy (thank you Simon!)

Chris Sligh – In the first 5 seconds of his song, Chris manages to outsing all of the other contestants tonight.  I’ve never heard his song before and, honestly, it doesn’t do a whole lot for me.  But his singing is fantastic.  Let’s hope that he doesn’t turn into the Chris Daughtry of this season and get kicked off way before his time.

Randy gives him the vocal prize of the night, Paula didn’t really like it and Simon also doesn’t like the song choice, but he thinks Chris has potential.

And that’s that.  Once again, I’m rooting for Sanjaya to get voted the hell outta Dodge.  Unfortunately, I think it’s not gonna happen.  Hell, he’ll probably end up winning the damn competition.

Guess What? There’s No Justice in This World

So, we lost Nick Pedro, Alainna Alexander, A.J. Tabaldo and Leslie Hunt tonight. Was I shocked? Well, yes and no. I’ve gotten used to American Idol screwing over perfectly good contestants over the years, so, in that respect, I wasn’t shocked at all. However, clearly, the ones with talent are going and the ones that suck are staying.

I don’t think that Nick was fantastic, but, since two guys have to go, I guess he was as good a choice as anyone. Although I personally would have preferred it to be Brandon. However, between A.J. and Sanjaya…Sanjaya and his freaky ass CLEARLY should have gone. Even Sanjaya thought so. A.J. sounded fantastic last night. Fantastic, I say! And he sounded equally good with his farewell song tonight. Absolutely NO reason at all that he should be going home. Clearly, this show IS rigged.

As for the girls, I don’t think that either one that went home should have. They weren’t fantastic, but they were both worlds better than either Antonella OR Haley. I have no idea how they survived either.

Bleh. That’s how I feel about tonight’s results. Just plain bleh.

On a positive note, I think that Kellie Pickler sounded pretty gosh darn good. Clearly, somebody is trying to make her and her new boobs a higher class version of her previous self. And it’s working for me.

Now if we could just get them to stop doing those ridiculously annoying group numbers…

The Girls, Part 2

I have nothing witty or slightly interesting to say as an intro this evening. So, let’s jump right into the part where I say mean things (or nice things…maybe) about the contestants:

Gina Glocksen – Gina dedicates her song this evening to her loving boyfriend who so lovingly encouraged her to audition for the gazillionth time. Awww! And he even dyed his hair the same color as Gina’s! Double awww! So, Gina chose to tackle a Heart song this evening. All I have to say about that is this: if you are going to sing a song that contains the line “I hope it won’t end though…alone”, you had better sing your best. Otherwise, that line could end up being a self-fulfilling prophecy. In Gina’s case, I fear that may be the case.

Randy…well, I think Randy liked it…he praised her song choice and the rest was a bunch of Randy babble, Paula thought she was excellent and Simon is confused about who Gina is, even though he seems to have liked the song.

Alaina Alexander – Alaina dedicates her song to her mom. And I’m not gonna make fun of that. ‘Cause I was kinda moved by her dedication. Anyway, Alaina sounded a bit uneven to me tonight…she started out strong, but kinda fizzled after that. She did hit her high note though…and that always impresses me.

Randy calls her performance a mess, Paula thinks she was off but not nearly as bad as Randy says and Simon says she ran out of steam by comparing her to Randy running a race…which was oddly funny in that rude Simon way.

LaKisha Jones – Oh, LaKisha. How sweet it is to dedicate a smooth, soulful song like “Midnight Train to Georgia” to your grandma. And, grandma, no doubt, was proud of this performance. It was smooth. It was soulful. It was great. LaKisha really is one to beat in this contest. She just needs to keep on building that confidence.

Randy calls it hot…four times, Paula tells LaKisha to remember that she is “LAKISHA!” and proclaims her love for her and Simon doesn’t think it was as good as last week, however, he does think that she will be a star. Even though he doesn’t like her outfit. When did this become the Simon Cowell Fashion Hour?

Melinda Doolittle – Melinda dedicates her song to her “Gayles”…her two little white girlfriends.  Apparently, Melinda is the whitest black contestant we have this year.  Nothing wrong with that at all.  I’m just saying…  Anyway, I think Melinda blew it out of the water tonight.  “My Funny Valentine” isn’t a song that really does anything for me, but Melinda made magic with it.  And she definitely provided us with something that the equally talented LaKisha did not…personality.  I really think this contest could easily come down to American Idol’s first ever REAL diva showdown.

Randy once again declares hotness and says that Melinda is the one to beat, Paula calls her outstanding and applauds her and Simon finds Melinda’s performance to be incredible and the best vocal through the competition.  Melinda is clearly overwhelmed by all the love being thrown her way.  Of course she is…it doesn’t happen all that much on this show.

Antonella Barba – Eee Gad!  Why is this chick still on this show?  Anyway, Antonella dedicates her song to her brother Vincenzo…which is kinda creepy because it’s “Because You Loved Me” by Celine Dion.  Okay, the general sentiment might be able to be applied to your brother, but it’s a LOVE song, Antonella.  And not the brother/sister kind of love.  Unless you have some sort of Flowers in the Attic thing going on.  Anyway, as usual, Antonella SLAUGHTERS this song…and not in a good way.  I’m officially adding Celine Dion to my list of people that American Idol contestants should not be allowed to sing songs from.  And Antonella…well, she just shouldn’t be allowed to sing…period.

Randy tells a very unbelieving Antonella that the song was way too big for her (of course, he starts out by telling her that she’s beautiful…you never want to hear that on this show), Paula thinks she’s better than last week, but that’s really not saying anything at all and Simon thinks she was worse than last week.  She’s just bad.  Last week.  This week.  Next week.  Any week.  Antonella is bad.  And her attempt to somehow place herself in the same league as Jennifer Hudson…please.

Jordin Sparks – Jordin is one of my favorite girl contestants this year.  She dedicates her song to her younger brother…AWWW! (That one was sincere this time…note the all caps…that indicates sincerity in this blog.)  I’ve never heard Jordin’s song before and, sadly, it doesn’t start off all that strong.  Actually, she is a little all over the place at first (a phrase that is starting to become my “pitchy”, I fear).  She seems to have a hard time with the soft parts of the song, although she really nails it when she can really let her voice all out.

Randy thinks she did good (although not her best), especially for someone her age, Paula finds Jordin to be infectious, brilliant and talented and Simon agrees that it wasn’t her best, but finds her to be better than many others.  Clearly, Simon has a soft spot for her…which is just fine with me.  ‘Cause I do too.

Stephanie Edwards – Stephanie dedicates her song to her parents, who apparently forced her against her will to audition for American Idol.  I hate to sound like a broken record, but I’ve never heard Stephanie’s song before either.  And, quite frankly, I find it to be a bit bland and boring.  She sings it well enough.  Especially at the end.  But, it just wasn’t really something that I could get excited about.

Randy tells her that she sang her face off but that she sounded too much like Beyonce, Paula disagrees with Randy, saying that she was brilliant and Simon agrees with Paula.

Leslie Hunt – Leslie is a very weird girl.  I’m afraid that that might work against her in the long run on this show.  Personally, I like it.  But, then again, I’m a little odd myself.  Anyway, she dedicates her song to her dead granddaddy.  I love “Feelin’ Good”…and apparently, so do this year’s American Idol contestants, since this is the second time that we’ve hear this this week.  Leslie really had me with this…until she got all skiddly, skee-bop on us.  For a minute, I thought she was having a stroke.  Leslie, be yourself.  Be weird.  But, don’t do that…whatever it was, ever again.

Randy thinks that the skiddly, skee-bop was a nice return for Leslie, even though it was overall pitchy and just “aiight”, Paula loves to hear her back in her element and Simon thinks that the skiddly, skee-bop sounds like Paula talking.  And that made me laugh.

Haley Scarnato – Haley dedicates her song to her boyfriend.  Blah, blah, blah.  At this point, I’m tired of all the damn dedications.  Anyway, she sings “Queen of the Night”.  And I have no idea why she (or anyone else) would do that.  Remember that list that I mentioned earlier?  The one of banned performers from AI?  Whitney Houston is at the tip top of that list.  Especially for skinny white girls who do not have any soul at all.  But, as far as this particular song goes, I don’t think even Whitney Houston should sing it ever again.  It’s just not a very good song.  And Haley gives Antonella a run for her money in the really bad singing category with it.

Randy doesn’t like the song at all, Paula finds it to be leaps and bounds better than last week and Simon gives her an A for effort and then tells her that she was “manic, verging on insane”.

Sabrina Sloan – Sabrina dedicates her song to her grandma.  Good for her.  Honestly, until Sabrina came on the screen, I had forgotten that she was still in this competition.  That’s really not a good sign.  So, she sings “All the Man That I Need” for grandma…and presumably not TO grandma.  Sabrina is also brave for tackling Whitney Houston.  She does a better job than Haley, but I think that’s probably due in large part to the fact that she chose a much better song.  Her performance is good, although not good enough to make me forget that I’m listening to someone else sing a Whitney Houston song.

Randy finds it nice overall, Paula just loves Sabrina and Simon thinks that she was okay, but shouldn’t choose Whitney songs to sing.  And I agree.

Truthfully, if there is any justice in this world, Antonella and Haley will go this week.  I’m not holding my breath though.

No Blog, No Cry

Sadly, there will be no blog about Wednesday’s show until Thursday. I just wasn’t in the mood last night. Sorry.

The Guys Part 2

Wow…what a difference a week can make! So, last week, it was nearly unanimous that the guys as a whole didn’t sound all that great. Sure, a few here and there stood out, but, overall, they kinda tanked. Tonight, they managed to collectively make a bit of a come back. And they got to do it while dedicated their songs to someone they loved. Awww…

On to the contestants…

Phil Stacey – Wait a minute…Phil is serving his country by…singing in a band?? Seriously? I mean, surely that isn’t ALL he does. I mean, I’ve known for years that there were people in the Armed Forces who went around the country singing in musical revues, but I always thought they did something else… Anyway, I’ve never been a big fan of John Waite or the song “Missing”. Not even Tina Turner could make me like it. And I LOVE me some Tina. Phil hasn’t done anything to make me like this song any better. However, I do think that he sounded pretty decent…a world of improvement over last week.

Randy thinks its hot, Paula can hear Phil on the radio (the one playing in her head perhaps) and Simon brings us back to reality by telling us that Phil is a nice, unoriginal guy.

Jared Cotter – So, Jared was challenged to be more adventurous. Jared accepts this challenge and chooses to sing a song about sex to…his parents. Hmmm…interesting choice. I personally couldn’t imagine singing “Let’s Get It On” to my parents…even if I could sing. Honestly, I found the whole thing just too creepy. Yes, Jared sounded good. But, good Lord, man…don’t sing “Let’s Get It On” to your momma…or your daddy. That’s just weird! (And so is molesting your own face while doing it.)

Randy loves the face molestation, Paula is overwhelmed by Jared’s creepy sexiness and can barely speak, and Simon thinks it’s Love Boat-style corny. (And Ryan, just to add to the weirdness, decides to mention “the things that we’ve all done to that song”.)

A.J. Tabaldo – A.J. chooses to be slightly less creepy than Jared and dedicates “Feelin’ Good” to his parents. He’s no Michael Buble, but he’s good. Very much improved over last week. I think I actually like A.J. now.

Randy says A.J. definitely has skills, Paula says “real” a LOT, and Simon proclaims it to be nearly good. Which is actually a compliment when Simon says it.

Sanjaya Malakar – In Sanjaya’s little intro, we learn that he is dedicated his song to his late grandpa. We also learn that Sanjaya looked as much like a little girl as a child as he does now. Tonight, Sanjaya goes the really weird route of singing a Rat Pack type song, while sporting a Michael Jackson type hat. And all the while, he completely underwhelms with his vocals. If this kid is somehow still in the top four this week after this performance, then we will know for sure that this show is rigged.

Randy calls him nice….which is never a good thing on this show and declares the performance to not be good, Paula tells us that he WAS on pitch and then blathers on about his age, and Simon makes a really weird lunch with the parents analogy. Which all means that Simon didn’t like Sanjaya. And neither did I.

Chris Sligh – I think that I may be just as impressed by Chris’ wife as he is. She’s just not the girl that one would expect to be with Chris…and Chris knows it. Which is yet another reason that I like Chris. I’ve never heard this song before that he sang tonight. I can’t say that I really care for it, but he sings it very well. And, well, it was really sweet to dedicate to his wife. I’m still a big Chris fan…I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

Randy tells Chris that he has skills, Paula wishes that someone would sing a song like that to her and Simon tells Chris that he’s a very good singer.

Nick Pedro – Nick dedicates his song tonight to his long-time girlfriend…who he tells us is very forgiving and understanding. Hmmmm…has someone perhaps been unfaithful while in Hollywood? (Yes…I’m really reading into things. It’s what I do.) Nick’s version of “Fever” did NOT give me fever…nor did it make me hot in the least. However, it was sung well. Probably well enough to keep him around another week. It was certainly better than last week…which seems to be this week’s theme.

Randy proclaims it to be pitchy but nice, Paula tells him to let go and go for it and Simon thinks that Nick should wear better clothes.

Blake Lewis – I really like Blake, but his performance of “Virtual Insanity” was just odd to me. I think he did pretty well on the vocals, but it was…well, it was odd. However, I’m sure that he’ll live to beatbox another day…or something like that.

Randy comes close to Paula excitement levels in assessing Blake’s performance, Paula says “WAY TO GO!” and Simon brings it all back to reality a bit and says that Blake was copycat and was overall very disappointed. A giant battle between our beloved judges and Ryan ensues, with Simon bowing to the “God of Paula Abdul” in the end.

Brandon Rogers – Brandon uses his dedication opportunity to throw out the dead grandma card. He then proceeds to sing a mediocre version of “Time After Time”. Which I personally find a bit odd to sing to dead grandma, but…whatever. Brandon’s mama sure does like it. As usual, I am not impressed.

Randy is impressed with the dead grandma card, but thinks the song is boring, Paula, however, felt Brandon’s heart when he was singing and Simon is not the least bit impressed about with the dead grandma and would like for everyone to just focus on the singing. Which he thinks that Brandon did not do this week.

Chris Richardson – Chris chooses to throw down the grandma card too…however, HIS grandma is very much alive and apparently spunky. Chris’ song choice is very upbeat and…well, it’s upbeat. But, when singing “Geek in the Pink”…well, do you think he could at least wear pink? Anyway, I think he sounds better than last week, although he was a bit off a few times. To me, he sounds best when he’s actually pushing his vocal limits. He did have one truly exceptional note in this song. Not my favorite of the evening, but still good anyway.

Randy proclaims the song to be HOT!, Paula doesn’t really say anything at all about his performance, but instead talks about Chris’ grandam and Simon and Simon declares it to be the best performance of the night.

Sundance Head – Sundance dedicates “Mustang Sally” to his little, itty-bitty baby son. Awww! So, I guess Sundance “brought it”. Or something like that. Once again, as most everyone this week, he was worlds better than last week. I’m still not a fan though. I’m sure that he won’t go this week, but I wouldn’t be torn up if he did leave. Although, if he does stick around, I would like to hear him sing a Prince song. Is that random? It just popped into my head. Don’t ask me why.

Randy says that Sundance “dropped the bomb on it tonight”, Paula thinks he’s awesome and declares it to be the best vocal EVER, and Simon is glad to hear the old Sundance again, but he thinks he could still do better.

And, that, my friends, is that. It’s VERY late and I must sleep.

Survey Says…

So, traditionally, the results show is not something that I pay much attention to.  Really, when it comes to the results show, the only thing that Iwant to know is…well, the results.  But tonight, I decided to give a watch.  And, boy, am I sorry that I did.  Why?  Well, how about the HORRID group sing?  I mean, generally, the American Idol group sings are pretty awful…this one was exceptional in its badness.  “Sowing the Seeds of Love’ really isn’t what I would normally characterize as a cheesy song.  American Idol, however, found a really great way to fix that little problem.  Whoever came up with this idea should have their heart ripped from their chest and fed to them.  Bad, bad idea.  Especially considering that the lyrics really don’t make that much sense these days because of the 80’s references.  (Okay, maybe no one else really got them…but Tears for Fears was insulting Margaret Thatcher with the song…”granny politician with your high ideals…have you no idea how the majority feels?” That doesn’t really make a whole lot of sense for these guys to be singing, huh?)

Anyway, on to the people that got booted:

Paul Kim – Well, no real loss there.  At least we won’t be subjected to his ridiculous bare feet anymore.

Antonella Barba – HOOORAY!!!  I am SOOOOO happy…no more Antonella!!

Oh wait…strike that.  American Idol clearly hates me and is playing with my emotions.  Dirty bastards.

Amy Krebs – Well, I can’t say that there is any great loss with the loss of Amy either.  Simon is right…she’s not memorable.  Her voice isn’t terrible.  But she’s pretty blah.  Oh well.

So, between the announcements of who’s gone for good, we get to hear Fantasia singing “I’m Here” from the Broadway producation of The Color Purple.  Seeing Fantasia tonight reminded me how much I really liked her on American Idol.  Unfortunately for me, my like for her doesn’t seem to transcend the AI stage.  When she’s not on the show, she doesn’t really do much for me.  I do think she has a really great voice though.  And, if she can act at all, I’m sure that she’ll do great in The Color Purple.

Nicole Tranquillo – Clearly, America was listening last night.  Nicole deserved to go more than any other girl. I’m so glad that we won’t ever have to hear her again.  Oh, and Paula declaring her to be a brilliant vocalist…a low point in my otherwise favorable view of Paula.  DAMN!  This girl is AWFUL!!

Rudy Cardenas – Between Sanjaya and Rudy, I was really expecting Sanjaya to go.  Furthermore, I can’t believe that Sanjaya was in the Top Four guys.  I’m not gonna cry about Rudy being gone…but I do think there was a very slight injustice here.  Very slight…tiny.

And, finally, at the end of the night, we get to see the fabled American Idol Death Reel.  And, surely, I’ll grow just as sick of this years Death Reel song as I did last year’s Daniel Powter song.  Although, at the moment, I kinda like it.

Girls! Girls! Girls!

So, tonight we truly get to see what the 12 female contestants chosen for this thing sound like.

Before we discuss the girls, however, I must quickly comment on something that Ryan Seacrest said about Simon tonight. In the summary of the guys from last night, Ryan proceeded to blabber on about Simon setting the bar high. Ummm…excuse me? Should the bar NOT be set high on this show? I mean, the winner gets a mult-million dollar recording contract. Please, Simon…set the bar high.

And, now, on to the ladies:

Stephanie Edwards – If you read my blog last year or know me at all, then you know I have a big ole soft spot in my heart for sultry, black ladies. Stephanie is such a lady. I found her performance to be very enjoyable. Her voice was nice and smooth and had real soul. Overall, I like her. (I especially enjoyed the head rotation at the end.)

Randy, once again, throws out the P word (does he EVEN know what that means…SERIOUSLY?), although he did seem to like her overall, Paula calls her a star and Simon declares her to be a million times better than anything that the guys did. To be fair to the guys, I think the girls have a definite advantage because they have had the chance to get used to the audience being there, whereas the guys were just thrown out there.

Amy Krebs – I find Amy’s song choice tonight to be unfortunate. “I Can’t Make You Love Me” is a song that I really like, but I think has been sang WAY too much on American Idol. So much so, that it induces cringes in me when I hear those first few notes. Still, I don’t think Amy was horrible…however, she really wasn’t great either. I think she has more potential than this tired song will allow us to hear from her. I think she could be one of the two to go home.

Randy calls her boring and safe, Paula agrees with Randy, and Simon proclaims her to be a thing that sings. Ouch. That one really was kind of harsh, Simon. Although, overall, I have to agree.

Leslie Hunt – I seriously cannot explain it, but I really like Leslie Hunt. What can I say? She just seems like a nice person. That being said, she can also sing. I think it’s very brave for a skinny white girl to take on an Aretha Franklin song. I mean, Celine Dion did it and, quite frankly, it bombed. I think Leslie did a really great job with the song and I hope to get to see her for many weeks to come.

Randy didn’t think she did a good job, Paula thinks that she did (although she should watch her song choices) and Simon thinks that she looks like she doesn’t really want to be here. I don’t know. I liked her.

Sabrina Sloan – Well, Sabrina can sing. What else can I say? She has a very powerful voice that she controls very well. I enjoyed her song. But I’m not sure that I can get excited about her. I don’t know.

Randy thinks she’s the one to beat, Paula gives her a standing ovation and Simon declares her performance to be the best so far.

Antonella Barba – Full disclosure: I LOATHE Antonella. She just absolutley, positively irks me. Her song choice tonight has not helped me to like her any either. “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” may be the only Aerosmith song that I can’t stand. I especially can’t stand it when it’s sang poorly. As Antonella did. I have a feeling that she’s going to hang around all season just to annoy me.

Randy says it wasn’t good and calls it pitchy, Paula tries to make her feel better by calling her beautiful, and Simon thinks the song has seriously damaged her chances in the competition. Let’s hope so.

Jordin Sparks – I have enjoyed Jordin from the first time that we saw her. I think she has an absolutely adorable personality and she didn’t sound half bad on her audition. I’m not sure how I felt about her singing Tracy Chapman, however. I think that maybe a different song would have suited her better. For me, this song requires more of the gravelly voice thing that Tracy Chapman has going on. Still, I don’t want her to go anywhere.

Randy…I think Randy was telling her to not hold back when she’s singing, but I’m not sure, Paula seems to agree and Simon thinks she may surprise us. I think it’s really hard to not like Jordin. She really is unnaturally confident for a 17 year old and I like that.

Nicole Tranquillo – Ladies and gentlemen, I think we just found our first American Idol reject for this season. I have no idea what Nicole Tranquillo was doing on that stage tonight, but I would be hard pressed to call it singing. I suppose she was attempting to channel the spirit of Chaka Khan, but I really don’t think it was working. I kept expecting her face to rip apart at any moment. Nicole…don’t ever, EVER make those facial expressions again. EVER.

Randy says it really wasn’t working for him, Paula thinks her performance was out of this world (and forces me to question her ability to judge anything ever again) and Simon throws out all kinds of negative adjectives that I couldn’t even keept track of. Needless to say, he did not like it.

Haley Scarnato- Something about Haley reminds me of Maura Tierney from ER. Yeah. I know that’s weird. Anyway, I think that Haley can sing really well, but I’m not sure about her song selection. A song originally intended for Meatloaf, but ultimately recorded by Celine Dion…well, maybe NO ONE else needs to be singing that. Ever. Seriously. I think that song may be something from the devil. (For more on the devil song, check out this.)

Randy says it’s just okay, Paula thinks she did a nice job (of course, you do Paula) and Simon thinks that she shouldn’t be singing crappy songs written for Meatloaf but sang by Celine Dion. Okay, he didn’t say that exactly, but that was what he meant.

Melinda Doolittle – Melinda is another one of the girls that I really like. I’m beginning to notice that, overall, I find the girls to be much more likeable than the guys. I’m not really too sure about her performance style though. I do like that she’s full of energy, but there’s something about her movements and her face when she sings that I find odd. But those are things that can be worked on. I think she has a really amazing voice. I also think that she looks like she could be the love child of India Arie and Macy Gray. Yeah, I know. That’s REALLY weird.

Randy declares that she blew it out of the box, Paula calls her a firecracker and Simon really hopes that she does well (she is clearly his favorite).

Alaina Alexander – Alaina crys a lot. I mean, really a lot. She almost cried in her little pre-song interview. But that’s okay. She can sing. However, I’m not sure that she should be singing a Pretender’s song. Her rendition of “Brass in Pocket” really didn’t do it for me. To me, it seems to be a very hard song for someone else to come along and do. However, considering how awful Nicole Tranquillo did, I don’t think Alaina has anything to worry about. Besides, as she got through the song, she did sound a bit better. Just a little bit.

Randy throws out the pitchy word for the millionth time this season, Paula thinks she didn’t make it her own and Simon thought it was a mess. Still, I maintain that she’s better than Nicole. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Just as a side note, I’d like to say that I’m really getting tired of all of the fighting between Simon and Ryan. Just get a room already guys.

Gina Glocksen – I like Gina. I’ve said that before and I’ll say it again. I think her performance was one of the best of the evening. And that’s all.

Randy was surprised by her and says that he likes her clothes, Paula thinks it was the right song and Simon doesn’t think she hit the right note. But, then, he’s comparing it to the Celine Dion version of “All By Myself”, which I think was absolutely horrid. (Can you tell that I’m not a Celine fan?) I like to think of Eric Carmen’s version when I think of this song…in which case, she sounded fantastic.

LaKisha Jones – Oddly enough, I compared LaKisha to Jennifer Hudson in an earlier post and she chose a Jennifer Hudson song to sing tonight. Think perhaps she’s reading the blog? Haha. No, seriously. Do you think she’s reading it? LaKisha…if you are reading this, I think you are fabulous, girl! Okay…back to the matter at hand. Yes, LaKisha’s performance. Well, aside from briefly looking absolutely psychotic during her performance, I think she did really well. Definitely Jennifer Hudson quality. And I LOVE me some Jennifer Hudson.

Randy proclaims his love for her and screams YEAH a lot, Paula says this is where LaKisha belongs and Simon all but declares her to be the winner of the whole thing.

Well, I really do think that the girls are giving the guys a run for their money. Honestly, if it weren’t for the fact that that two girls HAVE to go home, I think we would be seeing four guys going home this week. It’s going to be very difficult for a guy to win this year. (Although I think that if anyone can do it, it will be either Chris Sligh or Blake Lewis.)

Phone Numbers…FINALLY!

I’m not sure that I can adequately express how happy I am about tonight’s show.  FINALLY, the real competition has begun.  Now, we get to hear people sing real songs, we get to start to know the contestants, and we get to hear the REAL judge criticisms.  FINALLY…

So, here we go with a break down of the 12 guys singing tonight:

Rudy Cardenas – Okay, clearly, Rudy and Simon do not get along.  But that’s okay.  I like Rudy…at least I did until he started singing his first song of the night.  The song itself wasn’t that bad…but was all of that hooting really necessary?  I think there were at least 5 of them.  Rudy, this is not the 80’s.  People do not hoot in songs like that anymore…or if they do, they shouldn’t.

So, Randy thinks he’s corny, Paula thinks it’s hard to be the one starting off the show and Simon says that there is nothing unique about Rudy.  And I agree with them all.

Brandon Rogers – Brandon is one of two top 12 male contestants that I don’t think belong here. (Although, I think Rudy just made that list into a trio.)  His version of Rock With You isn’t helping to change my mind either.  I think I may have fallen asleep for a bit there…It was boring.  And not all that great.

Randy thinks its pitchy, Paula…well, I’m not really sure what Paula thought and Simon thinks it’s safe and predictable.  I still have no idea what pitchy means, but I agree with Simon.  Safe, predictable, boring, blah.  Tell me again why Brandon made it and that Tommy guy didn’t?

Sundance Head – And, here is the other guy that I didn’t think should make it this far.  His auditions were great…his Hollywood weak stank to high heaven.  (And, once again, poor Tommy!)  Anyway, I have to give props where props are due.  Sundance did a good job with “Nights in White Satin”.  Seems like an odd song choice to me, but he sang it well.  If he keeps that up, I may change my mind about him.

However, Randy once again brings up pitchiness, Paula thinks he picked the wrong song, and Simon thinks he sounds flat.  Gee, I must be tone deaf.  Oh well.

Paul Kim – Paul has that weird barefoot thing going on.  It’s just weird, Paul.  In the auditions and in Hollywood week, I really liked Paul.  I still do.  However, I think tonight’s song choice was a really poor one for him.  “Careless Whisper” is clearly out of his singing range.  I almost thought he was trying to channel Toni Braxton when he first started singing…just odd.  Paul needs to concentrate on the higher ranges with his voice and stay away from songs that require low keys.  If he can do that, he’ll be okay.

Randy throws out the pitchy card again but maintains that Paul has potential, Paula thinks he oversang and didn’t find his center (but finds that he’s worth pushing through) and Simon wants to see Paul wearing some shoes…and he also calls Paul’s version third rate.  Once again, I agree with all.

Chris Richardson – Clearly, Chris has been compared to Justin Timberlake on multiple occasions.  My guess is that he uses this to get girls.  Just a guess on my part.  Anyway,  this comparison clearly begins and ends with his looks.  It certainly does not extend to his singing.  If Gavin DeGraw were dead, I think this performance would have him spinning in his grave.  Chris, I don’t care how good you look.  You suck.   And what the hell was up with that weird pseudo hip-hop bopping thing?

Randy feels that Chris started the show because he brought a different flavor, Paula…oh, we all know that Paula just enjoyed watching him….who are we kidding? and Simon thought it was a bad vocal, although he likes Chris.  Obviously, Chris’ looks are what are going to get him places in this competition.

Nick Pedro -  Nick…I like Nick.  And he decided to sing a song by one of my Secret Shame’s (yes, ladies and gents…I’m a closet Richard Marx fan.)  Overall, I thought his performance was decent.  The choice was pretty safe.  I think he has potential.  Hopefully we will see him again next week.

Randy has officially become addicted to the word “pitchy”, Paula thinks Nick fell flat and Simon doesn’t think his performance was that bad.  It seems to me that Randy has become the new Paula…in that he no longer is capable of giving any feedback that is remotely useful.

Blake Lewis – Seven contestants in and Blake is the first one tonight that I have really enjoyed.  I think he may have strained a bit too much on the high notes, but I found his voice to be very nice and mellow overall.  Unlike Chris Richardson, he’s got the looks and the singing going on.

Randy, even though he liked it, still manages to bring out the pitchy card, Paula thinks he was cool (and not pitchy at all) and Simon thinks he’s the best performance of the night.

Sanjaya Malakar – First, let me just say that I am very glad that Sanjaya lost that horrid moustache.  (And, for the record, I spelled his name correctly here without reading it off the screen.  Go me!)  As for his performance….well, don’t sing a song with the line “I don’t want to bore you with this” and then proceed to do just that.  Nothing about his performance knocked me off my feet.  And I did not love him, love him, love him.  He can sing.  He just needs to choose better songs.

Randy didn’t think it was very good, Paula thinks he’s a sweetheart, but wishes that more of him came through in his performance and Simon thinks it’s the most dreary performance all night.  I’m beginning to think that I’m turning into Simon Cowell.

Chris Sligh – Okay, Chris is STILL my favorite in this competition so far.  I thought his voice was great and he actually seemed to be enjoying it…unlike nearly everyone else so far this evening.

Randy is a Chris fan and loved it (FINALLY, we agree!), Paula thinks he’s anything but typical and Simon starts going on about students…but apparently doesn’t like it.  (FINALLY, we disagree!)  And after that bizarre exchange at the end of Chris’ performance, I’m beginning to think that Simon and Ryan may be having some sort of secret affair going on.

Jared Cotter – Jared Cotter is in love with himself.  I just had to get that out of the way.  I’ll probably bring it up ever time he performs actually.  Anyway, I think Jared sounded good.  Although, I think I may have slipped into a coma very briefly.  What is up with boring song choices tonight?  I mean, to be fair, his boring choice was slightly less boring than the other boring choices.  But still, boring is boring.

Randy thought the ending was weird, Paula prefers more up-tempo songs (that means she thought it was boring too) and Simon found it too unadventerous and nasally.  I would like Jared to hang around a bit long, however, just because Ryan looks SO short standing next to him.  And that makes me giggle.

A.J. Tabaldo – I’m not sure what to think of A.J.  He has a nice smile.  And his performance was definitely the most upbeat of everyone’s all night long.  (As evidenced by Paula being out of her chair.)  I think I need to hear more A.J. before I can finally decide about him.

Randy thinks he kinda worked it out in his own kinda way, Paula thinks he can SING! and Simon finds it to be a theme park performance.  Although he does think that perhaps A.J. is better than he originally thought.  I think I feel like Simon does about A.J. – confused.

Phil Stacey – Are we going to be milking this “I missed the birth of my child to audition on American Idol” thing all season long?  Because I’m already tired of it.  That being said…well, maybe we won’t have to milk it all season long.  Phil…well, Phil sounded a little…a little…umm, I didn’t really like Phil.  He sounded really crappy at the beginning.  He did get better as the song picked up, but I’m really not impressed overall.  I say dump him.

Randy thinks it’s the best performance of the night, Paula thinks he’s great and Simon doesn’t think it was the best all night, but was okay.

I think Phil looks just like this guy from Star Trek: Nemesis.

What do you think?

So, overall…I have no idea who we’ll be losing this week.  There are plenty of candidates as far as I’m concerned.  So far, the only ones that I can really root for are Chris Sligh, Blake Lewis and Nick Pedro.  Maybe Sundance.  The rest…well, I’ll have to wait and see.

24 Baby!

So, it seems to me that in previous seasons of American Idol, this part of the audition process took up more than just one episode. Maybe I’m wrong…I don’t have the best of memories when it comes to such things. But that what it seems to me…

And now, without further ado, I am going to discuss all of tonight’s contestants. Yes, you read that right. ALL 40 of ‘em. More or less.

Sanjaya Malakar – So, I’ve heard about Sanjaya, but I never actually saw him sing until tonight. I think his first appearance was on one of those audition episodes that I simply couldn’t finish watching. Anyway, I think he’s great and definitely deserves to be in the top 24. That being said, I think he also haves a slightly, creepy Michael Jackson vibe going on.

Anna Kearns – I was completely unimpressed with her. I really don’t think she even deserved to go to Hollywood. While her height was definitely impressive, her voice was not. Don’t be surprised, Anna. Just deal with it.

Bernard Williams – Didn’t make it. Oh well. I can’t even remember him from the auditions.

Eric Davis – Eric who?

Tammy Gosnell – I think they really made a mistake saying no to this one. She had a really great Janis Joplin thing going on. Sure, she didn’t exactly have American Idol looks…wait…maybe she did. I mean, look at Rueben Studdard, Taylor Hicks and…well, even Clay Aiken. Anyway, it’s Idols loss.

Melinda Doolittle – Background singer steps out into the spotlight. I think Melinda has a nice old school sound. In fact, I think someone may have even said that about her already.

Brandon Rogers – Another background singer. This one, however, I think should have stayed there. His voice is average. Nothing impressive about it. I really hate that because of the need to balance the sexes, someone like Tammy Gosnell doesn’t make it, but Brandon Rogers does.

Gina Glocksen – I like Gina. Something about her voice reminds me of Linda Rondstadt. Kinda country, kinda pop.

Jimmy McNeal – I remember Jimmy’s face, but I don’t remember his voice. Oh well.

Errick Johnson – Errick who? Did we even see him sing at all? Anyone? Anyone?

Haley Scarnato – Well, the girl can sing pretty well, but I don’t really find her to be very exciting or anything. You know, she has some personality, but nothing outstanding. I don’t think she’ll last very long.

Philip Stacy – I like Phil. Good voice. Nice personality. Family man…well, kinda. I think he’ll last until the top 12, at least.

Chris Sligh – Chris, despite his uncanny resemblance to Jack Osbourne, is already my favorite. I will be astonished if he doesn’t make it into the top ten.

Blake Lewis – Beatbox Boy…he really broke it down on that great rendition of How Deep Is Your Love. Hopefully, he can sing as well. Hey, maybe he’s the next Justin Timberlake. You can take that one however you like.

Thomas Lowe – Brandon Rogers made it and Thomas didn’t? Okay, I admit, I have no idea how he sounds by himself, but his group was really good. And he was nice eye candy too. Ooops…did I type that outloud?

Rudy Cardenas – I don’t know about Rudy. He can sing pretty well. To me though, he seems quite forgettable.

Paul Kim – Paul…is definitely not forgettable. He has a great voice. However, his barefoot thing…well, that’s just weird. Paul….cut that out!

Jordin Sparks – Like her voice. Like her personality. Not sure that she’ll last very long.

Three Girls That Didn’t Make It- They didn’t make it. Why bother discussing them? I don’t even know if we ever saw them before tonight anyway.

A.J. Tabaldo – Very good voice. Definitely deserves to be here.

Stephanie Edwards – Another soulful, old school sounding voice. I think she sounds great and she has a fantastic smile.

Leslie Hunt – I’m honestly not convinced that Leslie deserves to be here. Her voice sounds like it has potential, but it really seems to go in and out to me. I think she’ll be interesting to watch.

Nick Pedro – He has a great voice and a great personality. And I feel like I’ve typed that about 1000 times now. What else is there to say at this point? Maybe doing all 40 people wasn’t such a good idea after all. Oh well…I’ve gotten this far….

Alaina Alexander – Eeh. That’s what I have to say about her. She completely slaughtered the lyrics to her Hollywood Week solo. I guess no one noticed.

Chris Richardson – I’m with the judges. Welcome Chris.

Sabrina Sloan – Well, Sabrina…I like her voice okay. I’m seeing a quick elimination for her.

Jerome Chism – Did we ever see Jerome?

Joelle James – Did we ever see Joelle?

Matt Buckstein – I liked Matt and his country ways. I will miss him.

Princess Johnson – Guess she’s not the princess of this competition. Ha ha.

Lakisha Jones – Definitely deserved to go on. She may be this year’s Jennifer Hudson.

Oh man…are there still more contestants? Is that even possible? I think we’ve already seen at least 677.

Nicole Tranquillo – Nicole can sing, but is ultimately forgettable. In fact, I already can’t remember what she sounds like. Or looks like. Nicole who?

Jared Cotter – Jared is a little too in love with himself. This is not an endearing quality in my eyes. He can sing okay, but

Amy Krebs – I think Amy has a very impressive voice. It’s not really what you would expect to come out of her little body. I think she’ll go far.

Marisa Rhodes – Great voice, but I’m not really sad that she didn’t make it. Especially after the theatrics in the elevator.

Antonella Barba – I don’t like Antonella. She has a good voice, but honestly, she really seems like a shallow bitch.

Tommy Daniels – Very mellow voice. Totally deserves to be in the competition…not sure how he got cut. As Tommy said…that’s BEEP!

Sundance Head – Most memorable name of the whole competition. Totally does not deserve to be in the competition…especially after his completely crappy Hollywood Week. Not sure how he got in. I’m rooting for him to get kicked off first. Well, maybe Antonella. And then Sundance.

So, I guess this means we actually get to the REAL American Idol next week? THAT, I can be excited about!

Welcome to Hollywood

Honestly, I’m not quite sure how to write about this part of the show.  I suppose I have such a problem with it mainly because…well, I write about personalities.  And, during this stage of the show, it’s really hard to single out individual personalities.  The show just doesn’t give us much of that at this stage.

So, what we have here are:

1) a bunch of people (mostly girls) being elimanted all at once.

2) Little Matt Sato making it through to Group Sing Day

3) Group Sing Day…during which Little Matt Sato is eliminated

4) One too many horrible renditions of “Be My Baby” on Group Sing Day…including an especially horrific one by Shakira wannabe Perla Meneses (who, in my opinion, never should have made it this far in the first place…thank goodness we won’t have to see her anymore.)

5) A particularly good beat-box version of The Bee Gee’s “How Deep Is Your Love” by a group that included the fantastic South Carolina native Chris Sligh (who, incidentally, has a MySpace music profile…which has no music on it…my guess is it was removed due to his inclusion on the show.)

6) One too many horrible renditions of “This Old Heart of Mine” on Group Sing Day.

7) The always fun part where they divide everyone into Yes rooms and No rooms.  Since the aforementioned Chris Sligh was in Room One, it was no surprise to me that they were a Yes room.  I mean, when a white boy can sing “Kiss from a Rose” like him, do you really throw him to the wayside?  I don’t think so.

Well, here’s to more of the same tomorrow…I guess.  Actually, since my DVR cut off the last few seconds of the show, I have no idea what’s happening tomorrow.

Remember the Alamo…But Forget These Damn Auditions!

You know, for some reason, I was looking forward to watching American Idol ALL day long. And then, I sat down to watch it and remembered something. What was it? Oh yeah…I could care less at this point! I feel like I’ve been watching the same episode for a month now! Seriously, how many auditions do we really need to see? After awhile, they’re all the same. Oh, look…that girl thinks she can sing and she really can’t! Hey…same for that guy there! Blah, blah, blah. I just really don’t care enough to pay attention to this part anymore. I am glad that we got to see a few more people who could actually sing this time…but not glad enough to really comment about it.

However, I do have to make one quick comment about how weird it was to hear my hometown of Sumter, South Carolina mentioned on American Idol! You most likely missed it…it was at the very beginning of the episode when one of the contestants said that she had come to San Antonio all the way from Sumter. Shout out to Sumter! Holla!

Other than that, I really got nothing.

At least we get to go to Hollywood next week. As CeCe Peniston once sang…Finally!

Welcome to Hollyweird

BLEECH…hack, hack. Gag…

Pardon me…just had to throw up a bit over tonight’s “Over the Rainbow” salute to Katharine McPhee.

Phew!

Okay, I’m better now. I can go on.

I tell ya, this blogger here…very happy to see guest judge Olivia Newton-John!  Truthfully, she was the highlight of an otherwise dreary show.  And, that’s really not saying much.

On to the contestants:

Martik “Hey, I’m Shirtless!” Manoukian – So, I’m pretty sure that this is an Idol first – a shirtless audition. Sadly, not only can this guy not sing at all, but he really should keep his shirt on. Although I think Paula probably enjoyed it way more than she let on. Oh, and remember, spread the love!

Sholandric Stallworth – I think my ears may still be bleeding from his audition. Enough said…

Marianna Riccio – NEVER, EVER, EVER, NEVER sing a song like “Should I Stay or Should I Go” on American Idol. I think we all know why.

Alaina Alexander – Well, she wasn’t great, but she’s cute and I think she has potential. And sometimes, that’s all it takes to make it on American Idol…

Brandon Rogers – I do think that Brandon has the potential to be the next Cory Clark. I mean, he’s MUCH better looking than Cory and certainly more talented. However, Paula clearly wants her some of this boy, so…stay tuned…

Brian Miller – Brian started off WAY to forcefully in this audition, but I think he does have potential. However, I really thought that he was going to just crumble into little bits before the judges. I’m not sure that this kid will be able to withstand the future criticism from the judges.

Sherman Pore – I’m guessing that Sherman is the oldest person to ever audition for American Idol. I can’t really say anything else about Sherman. He has a really sad story and to make fun of him in anyway would just be wrong.

And finally…

Eric Mueller – Well, Eric is right…people WILL hear his voice and say that they haven’t heard anything like that in a long time. They will then quickly follow that with “OH MY GOD! MY EARS ARE BLEEDING!”

Wish I could say that I’m looking forward to next week…but I’m not really. I am glad that next week is the final audition week. VERY, VERY glad.

Crazy in Alabama

Hmmm…where exactly does one begin to discuss tonight’s show? How about with Paula? Paula has long been a favorite of mine to discuss on this show. Through the years, she’s done all kinds of nutty things. Tonight though, she really made the show for me. In fact, tonight’s episode could have been called “The Paula Abdul Hour”. Or, more accurately, “The Paula Abdul Half-Hour”. She was in rare form this evening.  Clearly, not drunk or anything…most likely onVicodin .  That’s my guess.  Anyway, clearly I was not alone on loving the Paula antics…the camera man was all about some Paula too.  God bless you cameraman!  My favorite Paula moment…when she had to get up out of her chair because the bad girl just wouldn’t stop singing.  At first, I wasn’t sure what happened to her…I thought that she went under the table for some reason.  Okay, I admit it…I thought she had finally gone over the edge and was doing naughty things to Simon under the table.  But, no, she was just…well, who knows what she was doing exactly? Vicodin will make you do some strange things sometimes, folks.

Admittedly, the second half wasn’t quite as enjoyable for me, mainly because of Paula’s absence.  Although I really did enjoy the whole scene with the Brandy girl who was convinced that she could sing and simply could not accept anything otherwise.  My favorite part was the back and forth between her and Simon…and the classic moment of Simon trying to go in the wrong door (why did he leave the room anyway?)

So, a brief summation of (some of) the contestants that we saw:

Jamie Lynn (or was it Lee?) Ward – Okay…so at first I was thinking “Aww..she’s taking care of her poor paralyzed daddy”.  My sympathy for daddy went out the window, however, when Jamie began to reveal FAR too many details of her personal life to the judges.  Daddy shot her step-mom and then himself??  I say toss the poor bastard in a home and let him rot.  But, since Jamie opened this can of worms, I know need more details.  Whathappend to step-mom?  And, why is he not in jail?  Anyway, despite Jamie’s white trash upbringing, she has a pretty decent voice.  Dumb as a stump, but pretty decent voice.

Victoria Watson – Ummm, yeah.  What does one say about Cousin It and her mom?  That’s just weird.  Why would you not EVER cut your hair?  Are you trying to prove some sort of point to someone?  Are you a member of some sort of weird hair cult?  Who knows?  At the end of the day, her voice is perfect for the Hair Cult Church Choir, but not gonna cut it on the Idol.

Margaret “Big Bird” Fowler – What on earth was the woman thinking?  Oh, wait, I know…I want to be on TV!  Admittedly, Big Bird did add some fun moments to the show…although I really could have done without her showing off her “tummy” so many times.  I honestly wouldn’t be surprised to find out that she does big girl porn.  I just get that vibe from her.

Chris Sligh – First, Chris is from South Carolina, so I am automatically pre-disposed to rooting for him.  It’s just what I do (and often…South Carolina has definitely been overrepresented in the reality TV genre as a whole over the years).  In addition to being funny, the guy can actually sing.  His voice may not be perfect, but “Kiss from a Rose” is a very hard song to sing.  It’s one of those songs that could easily and quickly become a train wreck.  Chris, however, made sure that didn’t happen.  I hope it makes it to the top 25.  If nothing else, I’d like to see what they would do to him look-wise.

Well, that’s about it for this installment of Idol On My Mind.  Tune in Wednesday for another exciting edition!

New Yor, New Yor!

So, here’s the story…instead of being a good and faithful American Idol viewer/blogger last night, I did something else.  I went to see Volver, starring Penelope Cruz.  And I really liked it…despite the fact that Penelope Cruz generally drives me crazy.  However, I’ve come to realize that I find her not to be annoying at all when she’s speaking her native language.  Go figure.  Anyway, the movie got out late…but I did watch AI, my friends!  Unfortunately, it was 2am by the time that I finished it and my severely sleep deprived mind doesn’t seem to remember all that much of it.  I did manage to watch all 2 hours this time…something about the freaks in New York made it much more compelling than the past few shows.  Let’s see who I can dredge up from my oh so sleepy brain:

Carol – First, let me deal with this week’s guest judge.  I just have one thing to say to Carol…lay off the Botox, honey!

Ian – I like to call Ian the Queen of New York.  And, clearly, that’s exactly where he should stay.  No Hollywood for this freak.  The boy has no talent.  He seemed to be channelling Woody Allen when he was singing.  And nobody wants to see a gay Woody Allen singing.  When all is said and done though, I really don’t think Ian believes he’s talented.  He’s just a big ole attention whore.  He got exactly what he wanted.

Soap Opera Drama Queen – I don’t remember her name, but you know who I’m talking about.  I tell ya, there is a place for this girl on daytime television.  And, I think she knows it too.  I’m sure that her well planned plea to the judges will ultimately work in her favor.  The Young and the Restless will be calling any day now.

47 Year Old Frank Sinatra Zombie – This guy was just scary looking.  I mean, he did kinda resemble Frank…probably what Frank looks like today, that is.  The phrase “death warmed over” doesn’t even begin to adequately describe this guy.  And, the last time I checked, there was a K in New York!

Adopted Hottie Boy and Hottie Boy from Virginia – Well, folks, I thought that we were finally going to witness the moment when Paula actually pounced on an unsuspecting AI contestant.  Actually, not just one, but two (well, three if you count the guy from last year that they let back in).  I certainly hope that one of them makes it into the real part of the show…I do love to watch Paula shamelessly flirt with the male contestants each week.

Moaning Isadore – A large number of NY contestants were at these auditions to simply be on TV – not because they actually thought they were talented or anything.  I wish that I could say I believe that about Isadore as well.  Unfortunately, I think she thinks she actually has something.  Well, she does have something, but it’s not talent.  Perhaps more along the lines of a mental disorder.

I’m Unique! Girl – Speaking of mental disorders, this girl clearly did not take her medication on audition day.  I’m not even sure that she has any.  But she needs some.  I must say though, that I do appreciate her enthusiastic attempt to become the first American Idol who can’t sing at all.

Well, looks like I pulled a bit more out of my weary head than I thought I could (did I mention that I’m REALLY tired?)  If I have overlooked any of the really fun ones from last night, please feel free to mention them in the comments.

Anyone know how many more weeks we have before we get to the real nitty-gritty?

Yawn…

First, let me say that I have never been so thankful for George W. Bush. Yes, ladies and gents (still hoping for that one gent reader…) I actually said that. Why you ask? Because the Prez and his State of the Union has thankfully given us only one hour of American Idol to watch instead of the usual painful two hours.

So, let’s discuss the first contestant. Now, let me get this straight…Frank the Cheerleader is not good enough for Hollywood, but Shakira Girl from Minneapolis is? To my ears, Frank sounded pretty decent. To their ears, he was too over the top. And yet…Shakira Girl somehow made it to Hollywood? Ahh, American Idol…nice to see you are back in all of your non-sensical glory.

As for Timika “Mumbles” Sims, she reminds me of several of my library patrons…

Not really much to say about the others…the ones that we saw that went through…well, I liked ‘em all except that last guy with the kid. I hope he has some sort of back-up plan for his life. I’m sure he’d make a great car salesman.

Maybe New York will be better…although, let’s face it. It won’t. Out of 22 contestants that made it through in Memphis, we got to see…what? 3 of them? I miss the days when we would get an equal mix of the good and the bad on these shows before the “real” Idol begins. Now, it’s just a big train wreck. Oh well…

I really need some material to work with here…

I Really Wasn’t Cut Out For This…

So, American Idol is not exactly making me want to watch when they tell me that Seattle has given them the worst auditions ever. I mean, I know that a lot of viewers eat that shit up…but not I. To me, it’s just a waste of my time. I wanna see some talent here, American Idol. Why don’t you just go straight to North Carolina for auditions? Clearly, that worked for you in seasons past…can we say Kellie Pickler, Bucky What’s-His-Face, Chris Daughtry and, well, need I go on? (Oh, yeah…that Clay Aiken guy is from North Carolina too.)

One thing that I can say about tonight’s episode: American Idol has showed me the ugliest woman EVER. EVER. And she calls herself “the Hotness”? I’m not normally an advocate for plastic surgery, but she really needs some of EVERYTHING. Could she just get a full body exchange? Oh, and she can’t sing either.

Beyond that…well, ladies and gents (are there actually any gents that read this?) I got nothing. After the first hour of this stuff…well, I lost complete interest and decided to do something more worthwhile with my time. Okay, that’s a lie. I didn’t really do anything more worthwhile…just less painful. I watched 80’s videos.  (Which is not necessarily always less painful…anyone ever seen the video for Rick James’ “Give It To Me Baby”?  Rick James in a speedo?  I may never recover from that one.)

I am BEYOND ready for the top 25. Let’s get this show on the road already!

Welcome Back…

…well, kinda.  Yes, dear readers.  It’s that time of year again.  That time of year known as January.  What does January mean to me?  Well, for one thing, Jack Bauer will once again be saving the United States from terrorists in any number of improbable ways.  And, of course, the trio of Randy, Paula and Simon will be saving the United States from terrorists of a different kind…the singing variety.

So, American Idol started season six tonight.  Sadly, I really don’t have much to say.  I wish that I did…but I don’t.  Honestly, I hate this part of American Idol.  Really, really, really hate it.  Almost as much as I hate…oh, I don’t know…the musical stylings of Celine Dion.  What really and truly should be a one night show is stretched out over a matter of weeks.  One two-hour show of the good, the bad and the ugly would be more than sufficient for me.  This is why I didn’t start my blog last year until after all of this ridiculousness was over.  I will, however, try to make it through these auditions…for you dear readers.

A few notes on tonight’s show:

* First, is it possible for the American Idol people to be any more full of themselves?  The American Idol finale is “the stuff of legends”?  STUFF OF LEGENDS? Seriously?  Don’t get me wrong…I enjoyed last year’s finale and all…even though I could have cared less who actually won.  But it was hardly legendary.

* Jewel?  Was Jewel really needed to help make these decisions?  I mean, she seems to be the new Paula here…at least, the way that Paula used to be.  All nice and not the least bit helpful.

* Could they not have put a sign on the left door saying “Use Other Door”?  Or would that have taken the fun out of things?

* Who knew that being born a crack baby gave you the ability to sing?

* Lots of snapping does NOT make up for not knowing the words to a song.

* Do we really need heart-warming interviews with the people who really suck?  How about a few more interviews with the people who can actually sing?  (Okay, we DID get a location shoot on the U.S.S. Reagan and all, but still…)

* Paula, thank goodness, is still drunk.  Or something like that.  Anyway, good to see that some things never change.

* When did Simon become the nice guy?

Okay, I admit it…I only half-watched the last hour of the show.  Honestly, after the first hour, the rest really didn’t seem necessary.  I get it: people in Minneapolis can’t sing.  (Although I did pay attention to the “Kiss” montage near the end of the show with all the bad singers slaughtering Prince.  I admit…that was priceless.)

To Sum It Up: How do these people really think they can sing?  How??

Favorite Quote of the Night: “She didn’t have the look that I have.” – Matthew Volna, comparing himself to Carrie Underwood.  Ummm…yeah, Matthew.  She’s a girl and you’re a guy.  Unless you’re a drag queen, you really shouldn’t have a similar look.

Coming Soon!

Check back here in January 2007 for excessive amounts of American Idol discussion!