Ok. So, I tried last night. I really, really did. I sat down to watch American Idol…laptop at the ready to record my thoughts. And then, as the minutes ticked by and the show proceeded to suck more than it ever has before, I came to the only conclusion that I could come to: I can’t do it. I really cannot do it anymore. I am done with this show. I am tired of the talentless “musicians”. I am tired of the judges…mostly Randy and his ridiculous rantings. I am tired of hearing everyone proclaim this season to be the most talented season ever! Really? REALLY? I mean, crazy Tatiana is one of the best singers that you could find out there? That’s just sad.

So, as a result, this blog is shutting down once again. I thought I could do it, but I just can’t. My time, instead, will be spent watching real forms of entertainment…and talking to a certain special someone on the phone. I would, however, like to leave you with this. Ken Tucker of Entertainment Weekly sums it all up quite well.

For all of your Idol needs, I suggest reading Vote for the Worst. It is an excellent blog and worthy of your attention. I do not, however, envy them and their job one teeny, tiny bit.

So, this week we were treated to THREE nights of American Idol instead of our usual two. Oh joy. A whole extra night devoted to mentally deficient people who really think they can sing! So, auditions were more or less the same this week as they are every other audition week. Lots of really questionable singing, lots of begging, lots of weird outfits. Any logic behind the judges decisions this year has been…well, not present. One contestant will come on, sing horribly and somehow get sent on to Hollywood. Another will come on, sing ok, and get sent home. How is this possible? I need consistency American Idol! Where is my consistency??

All of that being said, I am very glad that we move on to Hollywood Week next week. It will be nice to see more of who actually made it through this season – since they have been noticeably absent these past few weeks.

Ok…that is all.

So, I only half-watched the auditions this week. From what little I saw, I see that American Idol is upholding its tradition of showcasing the freaks, while only showing one or two people with actual talent. Although, it does seem to me that there is a new twist to things this year. I could be wrong…because, well, it’s happened before (and I have a crappy memory) but it seems to me that, in past seasons, we only got the sappy backstories of contestants who had some measure of talent. This season, the powers that be at AI are mixing it up a bit…giving us heart warming life stories of people who are wretchedly bad. Why do this? Why make me get all warm and fuzzy about someone…only to find out that they sound like a baby seal being clubbed to death? Doing this only proves to me that the powers behind this show are pure evil. Evil, I tell you.

On a different note, I’m finding that I actually like new judge, Kara DioGuardi. I wasn’t too sure about her at first…but she adds some relevance that the show is desperately in need of. So, now we have two useless morons (Paula and Randy) and two people who actually know what they’re talking about…more or less (Kara and Simon).

Ahh…balance has been brought to the world of American Idol.

That is all.

So, I vowed to myself that, after completely giving up on American Idol before the end of the season last year, that I would NOT, under ANY circumstances, watch the show again. I certainly wouldn’t be blogging about it (as it is rather difficult to blog about a television show that you aren’t watching.) However…well, I’ve had a slight change of heart. I mean, I’ve somehow gotten sucked into watching the damn show anyway. Hell, might as well blog about it again.

One disclaimer, however: Despite the fact that I can’t seem to stop watching this show, I truly do NOT like it. It really is like the proverbial train wreck for me…I want to look away so badly…but it’s there…begging me to watch it. As a result, I will be making fun of everyone and everything related to the show mercilessly. I mean, I may occasionally like someone…it’s bound to happen. But my hatred for the show runs deep. If you think American Idol is the greatest thing ever…then maybe you shouldn’t read this blog…and perhaps you should also seek psychiatric help.

As in the past, I’m really not sure what to blog about during audition weeks. Besides, I’ve already missed blogging the first one entirely. (And, to give credit to AI producers, they actually managed to show more successful auditions this year than in the past…good for them.) I may blog about next week’s auditions…I may not. Haven’t really decided yet. My thing really is picking apart the contestants on their individual performances, so, at the very least, this blog won’t kick into high gear until then.

In the meantime, enjoy this from EW.com. Or rather…don’t.

So, some of my faithful readers may have noticed that I haven’t posted anything in two weeks. My sincerest apologies to you for that. The reason? I’ve had it. Sorry to say…but I just can’t bring myself to watch American Idol anymore this season…much less blog about it. I just don’t care anymore. Everyone and everything about the show just annoys me. To be fair though, it’s not just Idol. I think I’ve reached a point of disgust with ALL “reality” shows. In fact, the only one that I even watch anymore is Survivor…and I’m probably going to be done with it too after this season. I would just like to thank all of you who have been reading me over the years…or however long you’ve been paying attention to this little blog. It was fun while it lasted. But the fun has ended and so I must be going now. So long!

Ok, so I have a confession to make.  I didn’t watch any of the results show at all tonight.  Thanks to modern technology, I don’t have to.  I did attempt to watch a bit of the Pickle…because I really like Kellie Pickler.  But she was a bit too country for me…just wasn’t in a country mood tonight.

Anyway, for some odd reason, America chose to keep Kristy Lee over Amanda this week.  Now, I think both of them are equally deserving of going.  It’s just a little surprising to me…I mean, I thought she had some sort of huge, misguided fan-base.  Apparently not.  Anyway….thank goodness Bride of Frankenstein is gone and here’s to hoping that Kristy Lee goes next week.

So, do we really need a SECOND week of slaughtering Beatles songs? Really? Lately, I’ve been watching clips on YouTube of Leona Lewis, the 2006 winner of Britain’s The X-Factor. And she is 10 million times better than any girl on this season of American Idol. She may even be better than all of the girls from ALL seasons of Idol. But that’s just my opinion. Anyway, check her out:

Can you tell that I’m trying to delay writing about Idol? Is it obvious? Well, I suppose that I must. After all, it is why I’m here.

Amanda Overmyer

For once, Amanda did the unthinkable…she actually made me NOT hate her. I didn’t even know that was possible. So, I still don’t like her…but she managed to not shriek throughout her version of “Back in the U.S.S.R.” tonight. And that’s an improvement, at least.

Randy thought it was pitchy, but liked the end, Paula says a bunch of nonsense that only half makes sense and Simon thought it was predictable and a mess and tells her that she’s verging on the edge of being boring. If I never see Amanda Overmyer again in my life, I would be happy.

Kristy Lee Cook

Clearly, Kristy Lee should listen to songs before actually choosing them. Her song choice for this week has entirely too many low notes for her…the girl has negative ability to sing them. She sounds flat throughout most of the song…I’m really not sure how or why so many people thought that she was the clear winner at the beginning of the season. If she doesn’t go home this week, something is VERY wrong with this show.

Randy calls it boring and safe and tells her that she may not have been singing the song right, Paula goes for the “Hey, you’re pretty” compliment and Simon tells her that she needs to be hypnotized because she isn’t a good performer. As always, the audience boos Simon for no good reason. Kristy Lee, please go home.

David Archuleta

I’m still waiting to get sick of David Archuleta. I keep thinking that it will happen…it hasn’t yet though. David has chosen to go back to his standard slow singing this week…and, well, it IS what works best for him. His performance this week is vastly superior to what he did last week – but then again, how could it not be? (After all, he DID remember the words this week.) David has the ability to be engaging even when singing slow songs though. And that’s a key element that so many other contestants this season can’t seem to successfully manage.

Randy seems very excited that David has brought it back, Paula says something about adversity and character building…I can’t even concentrate on what she says anymore. And Simon thinks that David is amazing.

Michael Johns

Michael may have turned in his worst performance of the season this week. He certainly did a bang up job of destroying a Beatles song. I mean, he sounded okay near the end…but what the hell was up with the beginning of that song? And what the hell was up with the camera spinning around throughout his performance? Was the cameraman trying to recreate a 60’s drug-induced state for us? All in all, I thought the Aussie did a terrible job tonight. Did you pick up on that?

Randy politely tells Michael that he sucks. Yep, that’s what he said. Paula also agrees with Randy. And Simon calls it a mess. Yes, Simon, it was. A giant, disgusting mess.

Brooke White

Brooke picks the first truly good song of the night “Here Comes the Sun”. She does a really good job with it. She’s still a little on the boring side, but as far as I’m concerned, she’s the only girl this year who can really sing. (Unfortunately, that’s really not a HUGE compliment.) Besides, at least she moves, smiles and seems like she’s enjoying herself when she performs.

Randy found her performance awkward and thinks that she didn’t connect with the song, Paula thinks she played it safe, but tells Brooke that she’s lovable. And Simon found her performance terrible and…wet?? What the HELL does THAT mean, Cowell??

David “Comb-Over” Cook

David is trying his hardest to be this season’s Chris Daughtry. He is in no danger of having that happen, however. His rendition of “Day Tripper” isn’t bad. It’s not great either though. I find David to be very annoying because he clearly thinks that he is MUCH better than he actually is.

Randy is in love with David and wants to have his Comb-Over Babies. However, I think he may have to fight Paula for that privilege. Simon, however, doesn’t think that David’s performance is as good as David thinks it is. I swear, sometimes, I think that Simon and I are the same person.

Carly Smithson

So, Carly really shouldn’t close her eyes during a performance. Because every time she opens them, she has a look on her face that says “I don’t know where I am or why I’m here”. I am underwhelmed by Carly’s take on “Blackbird”. It does nothing for me. It certainly doesn’t make me want to wave my hands back and forth and cheer constantly as the Idol audience does. What is wrong with these people? Are they all being fed crystal meth upon entering the theatre?

Randy calls it nice and cool…and makes up a word, Paula would go lesbian for Carly and Simon brings the only measure of sanity to this judges panel by declaring that he doesn’t like it. And, of course, the drug-induced audience turns on him.

Jason Castro

Castro sings “Michelle” this week. He does a fantastic job of it…and manages to move around on the stage more than he has the entire season. And, to top it all off, I’m pretty sure that he was baked out of his mind during his pre-performance interview.

Randy seems to have no idea what he thinks of Jason’s performance, Paula tells Jason that he’s hot, but is dependent upon his guitar for a good performance and Simon tells Jason that his face sold the song – which is not really a compliment in a singing competition.

Syesha Mercado

This week’s audience may be the most annoying audience in Idol history. Shut up you freaks! Anyway, Syesha does a version of “Yesterday” that makes me want to open my wrists. It’s good singing and all. It’s just so damn depressing. What’s up with that? I mean, I realize that it’s not the most cheery song in the world to begin with…but it doesn’t have to lead one to the depths of despair, does it?

Randy found it to be very good, Paula loved her vulnerability and Simon thought it was her best performance to date.

Chikezie

Chikezie has really grown on me. At first, I couldn’t stand him, but now I’m beginning to see that he really does belong on this show – unlike some other contestants. His performance this week was really strong vocally and he seemed to be having a good time. I think, however, that I could have done without the harmonica playing. I mean, Chikezie…you’re no Stevie Wonder, ok?

Randy is all over the place with his feelings about the song…he liked the fast part, didn’t like the slow part, might have liked the harmonica – he doesn’t really know. Paula seems to have seen into Chikezie’s soul or something. I think Paula may have suffered some sort of a stroke. And Simon liked it until Chikezie went all Stevie Wonder on us. After that, it went straight to country hell for him.

Ramiele Malubay

Ramiele…oh, Ramiele. My love for the Asian Sensation has left the building. I think she started off pretty well in this competition…but has been working really hard lately to prove to us that she has no personality on stage. Her performance this week was just odd. What was up with the hobbling across the stage? Was that supposed to be sexy? Playful? It looked to me like someone had possibly attacked her Nancy Kerrigan style before the show started. And if she finds herself going home this week, I’m sure that she’ll regret choosing a song called “I Should Have Known Better”.

Randy liked it but didn’t like it -which seems to his standard reply to everything this week. Paula declares it to be better than last week…but the way that she says it leads me to believe that she doesn’t really believe it. And Simon thinks that she chose a bad song and didn’t show us what she’s really capable of.

All in all, a pretty boring night on Idol. I have no idea who thought that it would be a good idea to do TWO weeks of Beatles songs. Whoever that person is, they should be fired. It definitely didn’t help any of the contestants to shine. If anything, it’s starting to feel more and more that this ISN’T the best selection of Idol contestants ever.

As for who is going this week…that’s a tough one. I think that the David’s, Jason, Brooke and Syesha are probably safe. Chikezie probably is too. If there is any justice in the world, Kristy Lee should be the one going home. But it wouldn’t surprise me if Michael or Ramiele went.

Dear American Idol Producers,

Please, please, PLEASE…for the love of all that is Kelly Clarkson…STOP dragging out results shows that should only last 30 minutes (at the most) to an hour.  I don’t need to see Jim Carrey in a giant elephant suit shamelessly promoting his new movie.  I don’t need to hear the bottom three sing their songs once again to remember how bad they were the night before.  I don’t need to hear stupid questions from the stupid fans.  Nor do I need to hear past American Idol almost-winners sing songs in a sad attempt to remind people that they still exist (personally, I had completely forgotten all about Katharine McPhee and her McFace).  All I want out of a results show…are the RESULTS!!  You are eliminating ONE single person…just go ahead and do it!

Sincerely,

Me

So, with that out of the way, I must say that I was actually sad to see David “The Stripper” Hernandez leave tonight.  Of the bottom three, Kristy Lee REALLY should have been the one to go.  How she is still on this show is beyond me.  Must be the damn horse thing.

So, do we really need a never-ending tour of the “new” American Idol stage?  I think not.  And, do we need to once again hear Ryan Seacrest going on about how this is the most talented group of singers that Idol has ever seen?  Once again, I think not.  But, I digress.

Somehow, American Idol managed to trick the powers that be into allowing the songs of the Beatles to be slaughtered live on television.  Not quite sure how they pulled that one off…but…sigh…anyway, on with the show.

Syesha Mercado

Congratulations to Syesha for picking one of the more boring Beatles songs to suck on.  At least she didn’t destroy a well-known tune…like “Let it Be” or “Hey Jude”.  Her vocals are okay…but her performance is just boring.  And the song…well, it’s really not a good song choice.  Not at all.  Bleh.  I want to like Syesha.  I REALLY, REALLY do.  She’s just so inconsistent though.  One week, she’s really good…the next week…not so much.

Randy likes the arrangement of the song and declares it alright, Paula enjoyed the song from the middle to the end and Simon thought it was a great song choice, but that Syesha looked very nervous.  Blah.  I’m ready for her to go home.

Chikezie

Chikezie does a really good rendition of “She’s a Woman”.  Although, honestly, I think I’m more impressed with the arrangement of the song than I actually am with his vocals.  The bluegrass intro really worked for me…and I think that’s when his vocals are strongest.  I think I would have really enjoyed a full-on bluegrass version of the song.  But, maybe that’s just me.

Randy was thoroughly entertained and LOVED the arrangement, Paula thinks he took a risk and it payed off while Simon is surprised to find himself agreeing with Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee.

Ramiele Malubay

Ramiele chooses to sing “In My Life”.  She manages to truly bring out the melancholy in the song…which is not really a good thing.  “In My Life”, as performed by The Beatles, has a slightly upbeat tune that masks the sadness of the song.  Ramiele’s version dispenses with any trace of upbeatness (yes, I know that’s not a word) and replaces it with…well, let’s just say that I had a strong desire to find the closest bridge and hurl myself from it.  Her vocals were good…the arrangement not so much.

Randy found it boring and did not find his earth moved, Paula beings by telling Ramiele that she looks lovely (which is never what you want to hear from Paula) and then tells her that she could have done better and Simon was bored to tears.

Jason Castro

Jason is back with his guitar in hand…which is exactly where I knew it would be as soon as I heard that he was singing “If I Fell”.  I really enjoy his version of this song.  Jason is actually capable of singing a slow song without making it boring…something that most of the other contestants seem incapable of doing.  I must admit, that I’m not entirely happy with some of his facial gestures…but I look past them to listen to the voice that is the Castronator.  (What??  I don’t know.  It’s late in the evening as I type this.  I really should be in bed.)

Randy liked it but didn’t love it, Paula feels Jason’s heart…and probably wants to rip it from his chest and hang it from her car mirror and Simon found it boring and not as good as last week.

Carly Smithson

Well, Carly has been cleaned up considerably since last week.  I almost didn’t recognize her.  Anyway, she’s singing “Come Together”.  Her take on the song is straight up rocker chick.  It almost works.  Honestly, I think that she does rocker chick MUCH better than Amanda ever could…mainly because she can sing loudly without screeching…which is something that Amanda absolutely can NOT do.  Anyway, it’s an okay version.  Nothing impressive about it…but I didn’t want to take a nap or anything during it.  So, I guess THAT’S good, right?

Randy calls Carly stellar, Paula calls her a star already and Simon thinks that she finally chose the right song.  Well, it’s about time, right?

Jason Cook

Someone REALLY needs to shave Jason’s head.  That comb-over…it’s just getting worse with each passing week.  So, David chooses to some sort of weird emo interpretation of my favorite Beatles song, “Eleanor Rigby”.   For the first time, I’m actually somewhat impressed with his vocals.  And his face manages to not bother me until the very end.  Overall, I think I like the weird emo version.  It’s not as bad as it could have been.  I still want David to go home though.  I just have a problem looking at him.

Randy uses the word “rock” a lot, Paula calls him a thoroughbred and Simon thought it was brilliant.  Ok.  So he was good.  Still, I can’t have a comb-over winning the show.  Shave his head and maybe we can talk.

Brooke White

Brooke seems to get more and more boring with each passing week.  With that said, I think she does a fantastic version of “Let It Be”.    Kinda boring…like her.  But vocally great.

Randy loves her heart-felt performance, Paula talks about her heart (watch out Brooke!) and Simon thought it was one of the best performances of the night.

David Hernandez

Interestingly enough, David mentions nothing about his stripper past in his pre-song interview.  No…just a pizza bistro.  Well, anyway, David does “I Saw Her Standing There”.  He does several very odd little runs across the stage…which I guess go along quite well with that odd eyebrow arch thing that he does.  His vocals do sound good…he can actually sing.  However, I think the song choice was a terrible one.  Absolutely bad.  And I can’t help but wonder…does that eyebrow arch work at the strip club…I mean, pizza bistro?

Randy felt lost during the entire song, Paula thinks that David overdid the song and Simon just says no.

Amanda Overmeyer

As usual, Amanda sounds like she has smoked 40 packs of cigarettes before going on stage.  I must say though, that he hair looks slightly better than it has in the past.  There seriously isn’t anything that Amanda can do at this point to make me like her.  Her song choice tonight…not good.  Seriously, she chooses an early Beatles song?  When they were all bubble gum pop sounding?  I really think a later Beatles song would have worked better for her.  Maybe.  But, honestly, I don’t even care.

Randy loves Amanda’s Southern rock take on the song, Paula throw out the “star” word once again and Simon doesn’t think that it was as good as last week and tells her that he couldn’t understand what she was saying.

Michael Johns

So, Michael performs “Across the Universe”, as performed by Rufus Wainwright.  Anyway, he does a great job of it.  For me, this is one of the more timeless Beatles songs and it works really well with Michael’s voice.

Randy thinks that something big should have happened in the song, Paula throws out some classic Paula-babble and Simon doesn’t think that Michale is living up to his potential.

Kristy Lee Cook

Gee, I completely forgot that she was still in this competition.  Hmmm.  Kristy looks entirely confused as to where she is tonight.  And thoroughly frightened to be there.  Apparently, the big stage is throwing her off.   She does a weird, rather flat sounding country version of “Eight Days a Week”.  Please, America.  Do us all a favor and don’t vote for Kristy Lee this week.

Randy develops a split personality over the song, with half of him liking it and the other half not, Paula didn’t like it at all and Simon thought it was horrendous.  Horrendous is right.  Dreadful performance.

David Archuleta

David gives his worst performance of the competition.  Poor kid forgets the words early on…and it clearly throws him off for the rest of the performance.  It doesn’t help any that the arrangement of “Work it Out” that he’s working with is…well, it’s just bad.  I hate to see such a good singer go down in flames…but that’s exactly what happened tonight.  Bad, bad performance.  And the poor kid knows it.

Randy doesn’t think that David worked it out, Paula agrees that it isn’t his best week and reminds him that remembering the lyrics is important and Simon calls it a mess.  I fear for my adopted son this week.  Please, America.  Keep David this week.  PLEASE!

So, Blake Lewis returns to American Idol for tonight’s results show to sing a quite unimpressive rendition of his latest single.  Meh.

And then we’re on to the eliminations.  What?  No, group number tonight?  Or did I just fast forward through it?  (I think that the DVR – the best invention EVER – was invented primarily to save people the pain of having to watch the AI results shows.)

So, we first lose Kady Lee.  Yeah.  No surprise there.

Next to get the axe…Luke Menard.  THANK YOU, American Idol gods!

For our third elimination, we get the long drawn out suspense treatment.  Will it be Asia’h?  Will it be Kristy?  Thankfully, we lose Asia’h.  Mainly because I’m just tired of typing her name.  Plus, whether or not her dad died, I never really thought she was that good to begin with.  She had some ok moments, but I honestly think that she didn’t deserve to make it to Hollywood.  Not that Kristy is all that much better.  But her day will come too.

For our final elimination, we’re almost out of time and it’s down to Danny “Spicy” Noriega and Chikezie.  Unfortunately, the good folks over at Vote for the Worst are going to be VERY disappointed tonight.  Little Danny Girl is going home.  I couldn’t be happier.  Is it aweful that I love how sad he is?  I’m such a cold hearted snake.  (Look into my eyes.)

And, did Ryan just have a memory lapse at during Danny’s elimination?  HE’S the most outrageous Idol performer?  Has his memory of last season been completely erased?  Ummm…hello?  Sanjaya!

So, ultimately, I am quite pleased with tonight’s results.  No one who deserved to stay went home.

(I must say that I did enjoy Danny Girl’s version of “Tainted Love” a bit more tonight than I did last night.  Although, my stomach does get queasy anytime he does that ridiculous hip thrust that he does.)